La! La! La, La, La!
Oh, excuse me folks, I just got carried away singing along with The XXXth Olympiad Theme Song. But isn't that a nifty tune? It sounds so Regal! La! La! La, La, La!
Sorry about that, Ladies and Gentlemen, but when you are involved with broadcasting these games live via satellite, the excitement just gets under your skin! And from my observations of the crowd gathering tonight, I don't think I am the only one excited to be here at Mt. Venus where the athletes will soon be competing for top honors in The Domestic Goddess Event!
Here they come now, everyone! Just look at those athletic Home Executives! You have got to be in top-notch shape to even HOPE to qualify for the grueling early elimination rounds and these final 50 Contestants have made the cut. They are all in winning condition.
And entering the arena is a well-known favorite, a real crowd pleaser, Gardenmom32210.
Representing the State of...WHAT? Her bio card says "Karen?s World ... 2nd Star in the Psycho Nebulla just past the Asylum System!" Well, wherever THAT is, folks, we know it is in USDA planting
zone 9.
The athletes are at the starting line and keep your eye on G-mom in Lane 4. In this first lap to Obstacle 1, they have on running shoes because speed is so important..the shot is fired and they are off! There she goes, easily sprinting ahead of the pack! And she has made it to the Obstacle -- Solve This Riddle. Quickly picking up the card, she reads the riddle, pauses briefly, jots down her answer and hands it off to the referee, taking only .2/100th of a second to figure it out!
Coming out of the gates, she slips into high heels and is met by her husband who catches her in his arms and the two waltz down the center of lane 4. Wa-ay to go, G-mom! Brilliantly done! Now he spins her into Obstacle 2 -- Find That Obscure Recipe. Dashing lightly to her reference library, her nimble fingers flip through the pages of her ancient cookbook. A grin of satisfaction spreads across her face and she has got it! Handing the opened book to the referee she changes shoes once again and sets off out of the gate.
Oh, this is too exciting, folks! She is running down the lane in hiking boots heading for Obstacle 3. All the other competitors are either still trying to Solve This Riddle or Find That Recipe. Doubtful anyone can catch her now. And here she goes, not even out of breath into Obstacle 3 -- Entertain The Kids!
Can anything be too hard for this Domestic Goddess going for the Gold? Did you know her nickname is "Tag-Team Buddy"? And we can certainly see why tonight! She plays well with others and never runs with scissors!
And she's got it! She has laid out a plan to visit the Zoo with 34 kids, pointing out what a good opportunity it is for her to do some homemade educating as she can name every bit of flora and fauna at the zoo for those hungry little minds to absorb! The crowd is cheering, as she dashes out the gate sliding on high top Waders to make her crazy assault on Obstacle 4 -- Save Everything In The Flood!
And she's fearless! And she is fast! She has waded right into that gushing mud stream as though on dry ground and is lifting boxes over her head to higher ground! She has thrown sandbags, she's lit emergency candles, she's inflated life rafts and filled them with canned goods. She's slammed coffee, she's sipped Zinfansomething, she's laughed at jokes and made even more. And have you ever seen such delightful computer graphics? The fans adore her!
And now she is off on the final lap and the crowd is screaming, folks, they are losing their minds as they watch her complete one Obstacle after another! She's sewn 42 outfits, knocked down a wall and hung French Doors. She's laid out all the fixings for a BBQ to feed 800, restocked the water garden, made doctor and dentist appointments, consoled the comfortless, nurtured the wilting, and put the devil on the run more than once. This Domestic Goddess has Hard Rock Ccommon Sense! What an unflappable woman! But oh no!
Here is a challenger running up fast in Lane 12! Will G-mom ever pull far enough ahead to leave this upstart in the bronze of her golden wake?! Competitor 2 is one length behind, is closing the gap, is half a length behind, is running shoulder to shoulder as they go through the gates to the Final Obstacle -- Bird Watching In The Gazebo!
G-mom takes a quick look around, slips into some comfy silk boxer shorts and SITS DOWN! Competitor 2 seems confused, doesn't seem to know quite what to do. She scratches her head, she looks around, she can't find the birds! Now look at G-mom, LOOK at her please!
Sitting in serenity, a hot coffee on the table and there are flocks and flocks of birds covering every available surface! There are hummingbirds by the million, there are chickadees and wrens, there are Quaker Parrots and robins and bluejays by the dozen! And one little Ani has landed on her head! Oh the flamingos and the pelicans and sweet Lorikeets! And what's that magical sound we hear? It's G-mom! Singing "Feed The Birds! Feed The Birds!"-- a real Mary Poppins moment if ever there was one and the crowd is insane with delight! Saying good-bye to her feathered friends G-mom is off in her last sprint to victory while Challenger 2 is still trying to figure out what "birds" are!
And dressed in her jeans, a gal ready for anything, G-mom easily sprints to the finish ... there's no-one even in her class tonight! And IT IS GOLD! G-mom has won the GOLD!
Merme