Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the delayed broadcast of a thrilling Olympic event never before shown on live TV. Stayed tuned to your sets, folks,you are not going to want to miss this!

Here at the forest venue, the crowds have gathered. We have lumberjacks, we have steel mill workers, we have housewives, we have garden enthusiasts, world class athletes all. But look! Here she comes, our representative from California: Catlover herself!

In Area 1, Catlover eyeballs the Liquid Amber (Sweet Gum) tree she must cut down. Folks, each of these trees soars an amazing 500 feet or more into the air far above the athlete's heads. They must climb the tree, rope it off and tackle those limbs before going for the trunk!

She looks serious! She looks determined! She glances to the right and sees the lumberjack. She glances to the left and sees the steel mill man. Will she be intimidated by the trees or her competitors? Or will they be intimadated by this feline's daring do?

The bell has sounded...and they are off! And look at Catlover go! She is scrambling to the top of her monster tree as fast as any pussycat on the loose might! She's to the top! She is roping off! Fast as fast can be, she has her chain saw flying! The branches are falling! She is working her way down! Steady now, steady now, Cat! And there she goes roping and sawing through the next level down!

She never looks away from her work folks and doesn't even know that the other athletes are still making their long climb to the top of their trees! She is leading the entire event, miles ahead of the pack!

Oh no! Did you hear that, folks? Her chain saw is sputtering, it is stalling! oh no! It is stopping! Is this lioness of an athlete eliminated from the round by faulty equipment? NO, she is not, ladies and gentlemen, she has pulled a giant axe out of her tool belt and look at those mighty whacks!

One, two, three! and she has hacked through that grouping of branches as though with a table knife through butter. Listen to her roar! The crowd is on its feet, they are cheering, they are screaming, they can not be controlled as this magnificient woodsman bounds to the ground. Make no mistake, folks, this is no scaredy cat needing rescued from the heights...this is Catlover herself about to make her final approach to tackle that mighty trunk!

And watch her swing that axe! One! and the chips are flying! Two! and the hunks are scattering everywhere! Three! and oh disaster, oh woe, I can't believe this is happening before our very eyes -- the axe head just went sailing off her axe and she has 97 feet of Sweet Gum Tree Trunk yet to hack her way through!

What is she going to do, folks, what is she going to do? This CAN'T be the end of thie brilliant career moment, this can't be!

Oh look! Oh look and can you believe it?! She has pulled a NAIL FILE out of her pocket and is gazing at her nails. I see a smile, I see a nod, I see a woman's look of determination that I have never seen before and that's it! She is back at the trunk side and FILING her way through those last mighty feet of trunk!

And the tree falls! The file in her hand is glowing red hot like molten steel and she is grinning from ear to ear! You can smell the burning metal from here.

The crowd is insane for Catlover has taken the GOLD! It is the GOLD! She made mincemeat sawdust of that Liquid Amber tree, mince meat and this crowd knows they've never seen anything like it in their lives!

And the people have lifted Cat up and are CARRYING her to the podium! Listen to the cat-calls and cheers.

As the satisfied Cat stands serenely on the podium waiting for her musical salute to begin, the microphones have picked up an unusual sound not often heeard at these Olympic Games....

....listen...listen....SHE IS PURRING!

Catlover has taken the GOLD and she is PURRRRRING now!

Merme

AWESOME!

But...wait!
A mouse (Jiffy???) has just scampered across the podium...and the Catlover gives chase!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we are at the XXXth Olympiad Coffeehouse Coffeehouse! That's right, everyone, this Coffeehouse venue has become a venue and tonight for a one-time-only event we bring you the World Class Coffeedrinkers!

Let's watch...

The athletes are seated at their single tables as this is truly an individual event. Some are rubbing their eyes, some seem to be napping, and one was brought in on a stretcher -- looks like they really NEED this competition to wake up!

Oh, and here she is, the crowd pleasing favorite from USDA Planting Zone 7b, Missy Arkansas Herself, 4Ruddy! Although she's got a serious gleam in her eye I can't help but wonder just how much coffee this dainty Vanessa really expects to guzzle in the time allowed? She is only about a thimbleful sized woman, doesn't look like she'll hold much, but oh her competitive stats prove otherwise.

And here the waiters come! Lattes on the right! Cuppachinos on the left! Folgers! Maxwell House! Instant and Decaf!

This is unbelievable, folks! Vanessa has finished her first gallon of Chase & Sanborn with cream and is already pouring gallon number two of Eight O'Clock! The other athletes seem to be taking their time, blowing across the tops of their mugs, a sip here and a yawn there, but not 4Ruddy! She is slamming those drinks home!

And what's this? She's saying the waiters aren't fast enough? She is running to the bags of coffee beans stacked to the side! She has ripped one open and is grinding the beans with her teeth, ladies and gentlemen, with her teeth!

While the new batch is brewing, she is back at her table, Gallon 3, a sweet Sugar Plum blend going down the hatch! Now working madly on Gallon 4, a strong Turkish blend she has added one pound of sugar to, she sees a journalist struggling to type up the story. Oh look at this, folks, look at this! With FOUR GALLONS of coffee in her, our petite athlete has rushed over and is typing the copy with her toes...99 words a minute, folks, 99 words a minute!

And now dashing back to her table just as Gallon 5 arrives she doesn't even bother with the mug. The crowd is screaming "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" as she lifts the jug bigger than herself and chug-a-lugs that hot brew of Breakfast Blend. Just now, the other athletes have finally woken up and are aware of what this tiny lass has accomplished and they are slamming one mug after another vainly trying to catch up!

Will they ever do it? How CAN they hope to outdrink our Coffeehouse favorite as she is now working on Gallon Ten? Is she afraid? Is she sweating? NO, folks! She is Perculating!

And that's it! Our 4Ruddy as done it! 12 Gallons of Coffee in 10 minutes flat and she has won the GOLD! It's GOLD for Vanessa! GOLD!

Speeding to the podium to take her 9,000th bow, she races to the top, and what's this? She is licking the cup! And the crowd roars in approval!

Go 'Nessa, Go 'Nessa! It's your victory, it's your party! Go 'Nessa!

Merme

.....PEEING HER PANTS! ! ! ! ! ! !



(me, too!)

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCES!!!!!!

By two of our most adored forum members. What amazing feats of victory!
Congatulations to Catlover & 4Ruddy for jobs well done!!!

And SPECIAL Thanks to our very talented comentator Merme for the most vivid account of sporting events ever!!

I second that!

gee...
...been waitin' for Mr. Bill's olympic moment!

Do we REALLY want to go there????

Just give me a few minutes to THINK, guys, and I'm sure Mr. Bill will be appearing in something!

Merme

Well, hell yes!!!

...you know how long it's been since I bothered Bill?
Has to be a new world record.


The time has come.....
...and I found out it's Friday!

Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome back to the XXXth Olympiad Special Event Series. Competing in tonight's event are the top athletes from around the world -- Gardeners, if you please.

Gathered here alongside millions and millions of acres of land plowed specially for this venue, we see the furrows stretching farther than the eye can reach. And everyone in the crowd is asking "HOW will they get it all planted? IS this even possible?"

The athletes are taking their places, seed bags over their shoulders. I see many a face lined with wisdom and sunshine under those gardening caps and we are guaranteed to have a spectacular show tonight!

Oh and look, there he is! Bill! Making a rare appearance out of The Hollow Log at Cedar Hill, with his faithful companion Shadow at his side. Oh he looks ready, folks, he looks ready! A master gardener of all master gardeners -- a true Olympian before ever stepping foot in the arena...

It's the opening shot and they are off! See these gardeners scrambling down the furrows, laying seed after seed after seed and still more seeds to go!

And look at Bill, everyone, look at 'im go! He's planted Cosmos, he's planted Periwinkle, he's planted 4 O'Clocks...two acres behind him and he still isn't stopping!

Legend has it that he's a wood chopping man, folks, and I'm guessing that all those cords he's split at Cedar Hill have done his shoulders well for he's OFF! Starting acre 5, he's laying down the LadySlippers and now the Zinnias and oh, can you believe it? He's heading for acre 9 with a monster sack of "Cuphea ignea" seeds!

What a show, folks, what a show!

And here he is, tossing the empty sack of "Corydalis lutea" and digging right into the sack of "Dracunculus vulgaris" otherwise known as Dragon Lily!

There is no stopping him...20 acres down and 30 to go and he is still bent over, laying seeds, running at the speed of light, it seems!

Bill is a famous shutter bug in his spare time and I'm thinking as I watch this amazing display of seed planting dexterity, that all those hours of snapping photographs have given him extraordinary speed with those fingers!

5 acres of "Capsicum annuum" or Ornamental Peppers behind him now and what's this? Oh how can this be possible? CROWS! CROWS are coming to pull up his seeds! Whatever is he going to do?

The crowd is screaming, the fans are tense! What's this? He is pulling out the biggest thermos I have EVER seen and is pouring himself a Margarita!

And the crowd rrrrroooooaaaaarrrrsssss as he does his Margarita Dance, a frightening Tango scaring all those crows away!

So he's back on track now, going even faster, laying down one acre after another with every seed known to man and nothing or no one can stop him now and it's GOLD! Bill has taken the GOLD!

Making his exhausted way to the podium, Bill is surrounded by well-wishers offering him every conceivable gift that would turn any man's head. But not this Bill. This Bill humbly takes the high step on the podium and softly says "Hold your applause and thank you very much, but um, could SOMEBODY throw a steak on that grill over there? Me 'n my Shadow could use a bite!"

And the crowd goes wild with enthusiasm for this master gardener of gardeners, the Legendary Man of Mystery from Cedar Hill who has won Olympic Gold tonight!

Merme

Thank you, Merme...

That's our guru!

Mr. Bill, sir?

All I wanna say is....

Afgrey made me do it! Afgrey made me do it!



Merme

Bill is fine ...he's a real person just like us.

He likes to laugh sometimes, too!

bravo Merme.


Shari

I thought SURE she would say:

Merme Made Me! Merme Made Me!

That's what our house always sounded like when we were all still at home....



Merme

Heck, no!
I'm the Problem Child!
I take responsibility for ALL...and love it!

Ladies and Gentlemen, due to technical difficulties, we could not bring you the live broadcast of an event mentioned earlier. Please stayed tuned for our show, which was previously recorded....

...and now, LIVE from the Shopping Mecca of America, we bring you the XXXth Olympiad Shopping Event in which only the top athletes well trained and proven in their sport get to compete tonight.

The shoppers are approaching the gates, their carts at the ready, credit cards in their pockets for the Judges to see. Some apparently, have shopping lists. The crowd is quiet as the athletes enter the field.

And here she is, ladies and gentlemen, from beautiful western Maryland, shopper extraordinaire, loz! Oh, look at the fans waving the flags for her as she walks up to her gate.

Starting in lane 12, loz looks calm; her gaze is steady on the aisles and aisles before her. This unflappable lady doesn't look tough enough to be in shopping competition but don't let her slender appearance fool you! Legend has it that she is masterful on Black Friday, folks, so we're hoping she can hold her own when the snarling and fueding begins over the bargain racks.

The bell has sounded and they're off! Running down the aisles, looking over items and price tags, trying to find the best deals for the best values, what a sight! Oh, what a sight!

And there's loz, coming around the corner of aisle three, leader of the pack! She's got shoes, she's got clothes, she's got jewelry, she's got auto parts and now she is heading for food!

And there she goes, cleaning up in the meat department, grabbing every precious cut of meat she can that is the best price per pound and now she is...she is heading for dairy! Can you believe this spunky little gal?! Pushing her cart right up to the display cases and if she can't get her cart there, she hangs onto it with one hand and strrrrr-eeee-tttccches to the merchandize with her other hand! She knows she will take no penalty as long as she keeps one body part on the cart!

Oh no! loz seems lost in the crowd! There are too many shoppers pushing and shoving! Where is she? Oh, where is she? Has she been stampeded? Has she been trampled? Has she been separated from her cart?

Wait! Oh look everybody! THERE she is, there she IS, ladies and gentlemen! She ducked around down behind the advancing hordes of shoppers and ran her cart around the rear coming up in back of the Clearance Aisles!

And it is a go, folks, it is a go! loz has found the hidden treasure and no-one can stop her now. Eyes targeting every best bargain in the place, hands gripping the item, little feet so steady and true, she is going for the gold tonight, she is going to the gold. Only a little bit more now and she can make her final sprint to Check Out!

What's this? What's this? Other shoppers in an incredible display of bad sportsmanship have taken hold of items clearly in loz's hands and are struggling with her for it! Oh woe! Oh is this the agony of defeat? How will she get back what is so rightfully hers to add to her cart without damaging the merchandize?

What a lady! What a lady! loz did it! That sweet, huge smile and that determined twist of her wrist and she has secured her purchase and deftly landed it in her cart!

And she's coming down the home stretch, in the last wild dash to Check Out, little Missy Redhead loz is in the front!

She's up the the lanes now, she's throwing her sale items on the conveyer; the cashier is ringing and ringing...we can hardly see little loz under the mound of stuff she is buying and she's done it! loz has won the GOLD!

She's bought 20,000 items valued at 3 million dollars for a mere $1.75.

How DID she do it, folks, how DID she do it?!

Breathing hard but giving us a ravishing grin from the thrill of victory, loz gives credit to her sponsors and supporters and explains her lifetime of training. Let's listen in as this champion begins to climb the podium...

"....well, thanks, everyone, but I've had LOTS of practice!"

And the crowd cheers and the fans go wild and no one can stop this enthusiasm as the people rush the podium in adoration!

loz has taken the GOLD!

Merme

I LOVE IT!


That's LOZ!!!

Very cool.

Very much Ms. Loz.

I wish you lived next to me,Loz.I hate shopping.

Weird huh???..I'm a female .....I'd rather pull weeds.

Oh Merme, I just loved reading them all!!!!!! You are so talented and creative....it amazes me, but it shouldn't--you are an amazing person.... I'm going to print that off and show it to my friends and family---My gold medal moment fits me perfectly and they'll all get a laugh at it and say, yep...that's you!!!

I'm sure Bill got a kick out of his....

Can't wait to read the next gold medal winning moment!

NO! I want loz next to ME!

You can't possibly hate shopping more than me, Duckie!!!!!

I would rather go without toilet paper than go to Wal-Mart!
(I keep ample supplies of Kleenex for this occasion!)


*


*


*


*

...and when I run out of Kleenex, it's coffee filters!!!

Cindy...you know you COULD always shop online and have all that stuff just sent to you--that way you'd never have to leave to go in wallyworld...LOL

You know as much as I love shopping I absolutely hate it when it's crowded......Seriously hate it....Claustrophobic Loz signing off....

...I went to Lowe's (.com) today and bought all the stuff for my new pond at Rachel's...!
I LOVE credit cards as much as you love shopping!

Ah, the one thing about me and my shopping is that I NEVER use credit cards....now debit cards are okay, but I'm a cash, check, or debit card only type of girl....

I learned my lesson with credit cards when I was 19 and mom and dad had to bail me out of debt...LOL What can I say, I'm a shopper and I was making 10,000 a year at 19 yrs old and Sears gave me a 4,000 credit limit....JC Penny gave me 1,000 and the Bon-Ton gave me 1,000.....let's just say it got ugly fast....

I'm glad you are getting a new pond over there......that's great!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, today I welcome you to the fascinating Olympic Event of Posting On The Forum. In this difficult venue, the athletes are not allowed to merely focus on the task of posting, but they must fully participate in the true nature of their sport, which means posting in Real Life circumstances. This is Reality TV at its finest, folks, and the prize is The Gold Medal!

In this round of semi-finalists going for the Gold today, there are 10 very talented posters who have passed all the elimination heats. Our crowd favorite is Weezie13, representing the fine State of New York! Let's watch as the athletes take their seats at the computer desks. Notice how the crowd makes way for each athletes entourage...that's right, folks, these are the very children, pets and container gardens, husbands, mothers, stoves and telephones that separate the Olympian Poster from the amatuer at the sport.

All the computers are booted up, each finalist is familiar with the software. Notice how some are adjusting their lamps, others fixing a drink to have handy. They all seem a bit nervous today, but this is no delete-able matter. Every post counts! The referee is preparing the signal and it's a Go!

Keep your eye on Weezie13 seated at desk #3. From her profile we know she is a master poster, a housewife, a mother, a daughter, and a wonderful gardener. But is she up to this daunting task? Look at her go! Weezie is posting! She's reached 10, she's reached 30 and is working on 38 and her phone rings!

But that doesn't stop her! She answers it, places it on her shoulder and Talks While Posting! And now look, two babies have climbed on her lap and she is still Posting! She's reached 100 and hangs up the phone! She's using italics, she's using bold print, she's got Graemlins running up her arm!

Husband apparently wants supper and she is caught between Post 890 and 891...never letting go of her keyboard, she puts one baby down and makes a mad dash to the stove where she turns on a pot of soup with one hand, still typing wildly with the other! And she's back at her desk!

A child is crying! There is something wrong in the garden. Weezie spins her desk chair, grabs a bucket of water, sloshes it over the plants, pulls a few weeds and polishes up on post #8,213.

This is getting exciting folks, the crowd is losing control! They are cheering, they are hollering, they are waving Weezie flags as she puts a band-aid on a skinned knee, wipes a tear-stained cheek and thinks of one more inspirational poem to type as she closes up post #36,000.

Is there no stopping this small woman? Do her fingers never rest? There she goes, sipping Red Rose Tea and ladling soup and ohmyGod, I think she is typing with her nose! Adding a link here, answering a question there, welcome posts for newcomers and fact sheets for the confused. She consoles, she prays, she decorates the screen with love! What dedication! What fortitude! What grace under fire!

DISASTER has struck! Did you see Weezie's screen go blank? What has happened, oh WHAT has happened?! The other posters glance around their monitors relieved to have a chance to catch up with her. But what is wrong? Why is her screen blank? She is crawling under the desk with a baby on her back! She's got it! She figured it out! A dog pulled the plug! Wiggling the cord back into the socket and reaching the Power Button with her knee, in a marvelous balancing act, she keeps the baby safe, gets back up in her seat and the final push is on for the Gold! She's answered the phone 20 times, she's answered the doorbell a score or two more, she's answered 340 PM's and would you look at that! She answers everything and keeps on Posting!

One baby asleep in her lap, another baby leaning hehind her playing with her ear doesn't stop her, no sir! She is hunched over her keyboard and typing like nobody's business and post after post is entered on the forum and I think...I think....clicking her mouse one final time and...She's Done It!

Weezie13 has won the GOLD! 50,000 Posts On The Forum In One Hour Flat, breaking a new world record!

Merme

That's our weezie!!!

OMG, Merme...I'm laughing and I can't stop! Those are soooo great

BRAVO

Merme,
That is good, very good!!!
I was laughing quite hard,
it's like, do you have a video camera on me or what?

I think that about Cindy alot.........whew, she's taking another break,

Don't get me started, weezie!

...break's OVER!

I better get posting!!!

You BETTER get posting!

I have to go slosh some water on my plants!!!

And make breakfast for the oldest that just
woke up now...

Heyyyyyyyyyy, you'll never believe this
my neighbor just called, she wants me to go
to a garage sale with her!!!

Well...you better go slosh some water on your plants...

...and make breakfast...

...and go hit the yard sell.....

...and I'll keep posting!

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre?

I had to take a shower first and you're out
here postin' on meeeeeeeeeeee

...and I just had to pack 12 boxes and load them into Leslie's car...and you're back postin'!

:p



(I've got graemlins running up my arms!!!)

Ya'll are too funny. Trying to out post one another and here I am happy abotu getting over 500.

More great events Merme! Love them all. It is a wonderful thing to start the day with!

Not only did I post, I watered the garden,
picked the veggies... debugged one plant...
Yakked with my mother, schued *sp???* a ground hog/woodchuck rodent :p

We better get off this post before there's too many posts in between the GAMES!!!!

Please tell me you made toast with bread and not the rodent.

I was out there, and he was munchin' away
on my lawn and I snuck up on him and stomped
my foot and clapped and YELLED, HEYYYY, GET
OUTTA MY LAWN!!!
He jumpped

Then I came in and made toast for me and the kids,
with wheat bread, cinnamin and sugar!!!!

Please Stay Tuned. This Broadcasting Station Is Experiencing Some Technical Difficulties...The Trouble Is Not With Your Set.

Ok, Ok, We Admit It. We Are Madly Editing To Fit Your Screen And To Run In The Time Allotted.

Please Stand By.

Thank You Very Much.

Merme

OMG....miss a day and you never know what you are gonna WIN!!!!! Thanks MERME...what did we ever do for entertainment before the games?

Oh, yeah...Cindy, now I remember!

I am on my 2nd gallon of Chase & Sanborn w/ICE CREAM...........ewe....doesn't that sound yummy! See at least you all now know why I miss so darn much around here...

I'M ALWAYS IN THE BATHROOM!!!!

And, I could picture Weezie through the WHOLE thing....well, actually everybody"s was pretty darn fitting! Thanks AGAIN MERME...

La! La! La, La, La!

Oh, excuse me folks, I just got carried away singing along with The XXXth Olympiad Theme Song. But isn't that a nifty tune? It sounds so Regal! La! La! La, La, La!

Sorry about that, Ladies and Gentlemen, but when you are involved with broadcasting these games live via satellite, the excitement just gets under your skin! And from my observations of the crowd gathering tonight, I don't think I am the only one excited to be here at Mt. Venus where the athletes will soon be competing for top honors in The Domestic Goddess Event!

Here they come now, everyone! Just look at those athletic Home Executives! You have got to be in top-notch shape to even HOPE to qualify for the grueling early elimination rounds and these final 50 Contestants have made the cut. They are all in winning condition.

And entering the arena is a well-known favorite, a real crowd pleaser, Gardenmom32210.
Representing the State of...WHAT? Her bio card says "Karen?s World ... 2nd Star in the Psycho Nebulla just past the Asylum System!" Well, wherever THAT is, folks, we know it is in USDA planting zone 9.

The athletes are at the starting line and keep your eye on G-mom in Lane 4. In this first lap to Obstacle 1, they have on running shoes because speed is so important..the shot is fired and they are off! There she goes, easily sprinting ahead of the pack! And she has made it to the Obstacle -- Solve This Riddle. Quickly picking up the card, she reads the riddle, pauses briefly, jots down her answer and hands it off to the referee, taking only .2/100th of a second to figure it out!

Coming out of the gates, she slips into high heels and is met by her husband who catches her in his arms and the two waltz down the center of lane 4. Wa-ay to go, G-mom! Brilliantly done! Now he spins her into Obstacle 2 -- Find That Obscure Recipe. Dashing lightly to her reference library, her nimble fingers flip through the pages of her ancient cookbook. A grin of satisfaction spreads across her face and she has got it! Handing the opened book to the referee she changes shoes once again and sets off out of the gate.

Oh, this is too exciting, folks! She is running down the lane in hiking boots heading for Obstacle 3. All the other competitors are either still trying to Solve This Riddle or Find That Recipe. Doubtful anyone can catch her now. And here she goes, not even out of breath into Obstacle 3 -- Entertain The Kids!

Can anything be too hard for this Domestic Goddess going for the Gold? Did you know her nickname is "Tag-Team Buddy"? And we can certainly see why tonight! She plays well with others and never runs with scissors!

And she's got it! She has laid out a plan to visit the Zoo with 34 kids, pointing out what a good opportunity it is for her to do some homemade educating as she can name every bit of flora and fauna at the zoo for those hungry little minds to absorb! The crowd is cheering, as she dashes out the gate sliding on high top Waders to make her crazy assault on Obstacle 4 -- Save Everything In The Flood!

And she's fearless! And she is fast! She has waded right into that gushing mud stream as though on dry ground and is lifting boxes over her head to higher ground! She has thrown sandbags, she's lit emergency candles, she's inflated life rafts and filled them with canned goods. She's slammed coffee, she's sipped Zinfansomething, she's laughed at jokes and made even more. And have you ever seen such delightful computer graphics? The fans adore her!

And now she is off on the final lap and the crowd is screaming, folks, they are losing their minds as they watch her complete one Obstacle after another! She's sewn 42 outfits, knocked down a wall and hung French Doors. She's laid out all the fixings for a BBQ to feed 800, restocked the water garden, made doctor and dentist appointments, consoled the comfortless, nurtured the wilting, and put the devil on the run more than once. This Domestic Goddess has Hard Rock Ccommon Sense! What an unflappable woman! But oh no!

Here is a challenger running up fast in Lane 12! Will G-mom ever pull far enough ahead to leave this upstart in the bronze of her golden wake?! Competitor 2 is one length behind, is closing the gap, is half a length behind, is running shoulder to shoulder as they go through the gates to the Final Obstacle -- Bird Watching In The Gazebo!

G-mom takes a quick look around, slips into some comfy silk boxer shorts and SITS DOWN! Competitor 2 seems confused, doesn't seem to know quite what to do. She scratches her head, she looks around, she can't find the birds! Now look at G-mom, LOOK at her please!

Sitting in serenity, a hot coffee on the table and there are flocks and flocks of birds covering every available surface! There are hummingbirds by the million, there are chickadees and wrens, there are Quaker Parrots and robins and bluejays by the dozen! And one little Ani has landed on her head! Oh the flamingos and the pelicans and sweet Lorikeets! And what's that magical sound we hear? It's G-mom! Singing "Feed The Birds! Feed The Birds!"-- a real Mary Poppins moment if ever there was one and the crowd is insane with delight! Saying good-bye to her feathered friends G-mom is off in her last sprint to victory while Challenger 2 is still trying to figure out what "birds" are!

And dressed in her jeans, a gal ready for anything, G-mom easily sprints to the finish ... there's no-one even in her class tonight! And IT IS GOLD! G-mom has won the GOLD!

Merme

AND SHE HAS A WHIP..........

Merme...how do you know all this stuff! Darin & I LOVE chocolate covered coffee beans!

COOL! Thanks Merme

G-Mom

Um, 'Nessa, I am a keen observer of human behavior.

AND, I'm half-nuts.

So that makes for a great imagination!



Merme

Merme...
I'm nuts and have a good imagination, and I sure can't write like that.

...was I supposed to stop when I got to "half" nuts?

Afgrey....

I think what happens to you with music in your heart and mind, happens to me with words....

Merme

great job merme. loved them all. so creative and humorous and i don't know anyone well! i'm somewhat embarassed to even post----did you have to tell everyone we're sisters?

...you mean, like, me being able to pick up and instrument and play it when I've never played it before? It's just "there"?
...wonder how it gets there...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="COMIC SANS MS, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="3" face="COMIC SANS MS, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by afgreyparrot:
<strong> ...you mean, like, me being able to pick up an instrument and play it when I've never played it before? It's just "there"?
...wonder how it gets there...

Merme

Merme...
The music thing is so weird to me.
It really does freak me out when I start thinking about it.

My brother owned a music store for years, and he'd get all these neat things in there that I had never had the opportunity to even TOUCH before...like mandolins, banjo, etc. I was there one day and some guy was picking "Wildwood Flower" on the guitar, and I got a harmonica out of the case and started right in with him...never played one in my life before that. It makes me feel like I've been reincarnated or something...
And, one day I picked up a violin and started playing it. That is TOO weird...

Well, Cindy Lu...all I can say is YOU ARE BLESSED! I can't even play the radio in tune! My sis & son have taught themselves to play about everything...but..nope..I didn't get any of that! My F-I-L...now 80 something...can play anything he picks up! When we have family reunions on hubby's side it's like a big Jam session....I love it. My family was all very blessed with being able to sing VERY well...so is hubby's family...and he can sing like a bird..but me..nope..can't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it.

Ya wanna hear me sing OKLAHOMA???????
AGAIN.....

Sure...but hold on a second and let me go fetch my harmonica!

That's me --not even if its sealed shut with glue!!!

I can sing real good in a nice sized metal
mailbox.......boy can I sing!!!
The acoustic's are awesome!!!

Cindy my first wife was like that. she could pickup any instrument and start playing it right off. One day I bought her an old accordian from a junk store in Old Las Vegas New Mexico it was upstairs under about 8 inch's of dust . Taped up some of the baffles got it to work and she played it right off. Made me so jealous and proud at same time. I learned to play Trumpet and French Horn by reading music outside of that am like V anessa and pc can't carry a tune in an oak bucket with the lid on it. she picked them up and played right off the bat.
Jimmy

I'm with all of you non musical people. I however have been blessed with very good ears and appreciate all that I hear so that is a good trade off for me. I just hope my kiddos inherit their daddy's talent. He taught himself the harmonica and can sing so well.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, as we take a look around the arena tonight we can't help but notice how enthused the crowds are for this last rotation in the Individual Gymnastic Event! All of the athletes competing now have finished the required rotations through each mandatory phase and these are the top ranking finalists to compete...

Here they come now, folks, each exquisite gymnast ready to face her final challenge and hopefully secure the GOLD!

And there she is, the crowd favorite we have all been waiting for -- Nako! Representing the fine State of New Hampshire, USDA planting zone 5a.

This Greenhouse Pixie has already won perfect 10's on the uneven bars, the balance beam, the vault and tonight she hopes to repeat her achievement with a perfect 10 for her floor exercise! And it is slated to be a big one, folks!

Watching her in earlier practice, we know her Ninja Gymnast Routine is terribly difficult but she has nailed it every time so *thinks* let's hope she'll do it again for the fans! This could be GOLD!

The crowd goes wild as she steps out onto the mat. She ^.^ and gives a big o.O omg to her family and Chris in the stands. And...her music comes up! She is dancing to "As I Wander Through The Wild Woods Where The Purple Finch Says 'hello'..." and she's off!

See that corner to corner series across the mat? THREE double back flips *hops* FOUR headstands and TWO tumbles into the firing position. She's got her Olympic Standard Pellet gun out and fires at the balloons and cans 2,000 ft away, hitting each one with precision! And now look! As she flips and leaps her way across the mat throwing stars with speed and uncanny accuracy, she hits every target! What a night this is for ~Phoebe, what a night!

Adjusting her Secret Agent Radio ear piece, she pulls out her Zaotochi and m'kay she >.< zeroes in on making it across the mat one more time swinging that long stick and jumping over it again and again! Folks this is The Matrix come to life before our very eyes as she goes across the mat and right UP that cement column, so ya, I'm thinking she is going for the GOLD with nothing to stop her now!

And she is swinging chains and she is frighteningly good >.O with the golf clubs and swords and this bakins swinging pixie leaps with fairy dust right into a perfect 10!

And she's done it, folks, she has done it! m'kay, the scores are coming up and it is TENS straight across the board!

The crowd screams! The crowd cheers! There is pandamonium in the house tonight!

Our little Nako makes her way to the podium where she is met by supporters for *poke poke* and *hugz* before climbing the stairs. Gaining the topmost purchase, our petite champion looks at the size of the crowd in thunderous applause and

*blushes*
*hides*

omg

*get back*

And Nako has taken the GOLD!

Merme

And yet another wonderful Olympic broadcast! Go go go Nako!

I LOVE IT!

Way To Go Nako!!!!


*
*
*
*
*

What a triumph !
Nana

Nako *hops*great work ~Phoebe you earned that gold.
Not sure about that I do a pretty good job on ice cream I just don't put it in Coffee like hot coffee and cold Ice Cream . Last time I bought ice cream got 3 gallons of Blue Bell chocolate each one different from the others. Started with Chocolate decadance to Triple chocolate down to Dutch Chocolate of course was covered with chocolate syrup. Ate all three in three days. One a day did not mean too . Just did it before I realized I had eaten that much . Glad I don't like chocolate.
Jimmy

Hey..I heard ya'all talkin about me!!!!

BLUE BELL....eweeeieee...I keep them in business!!! Try their coffee ice cream...

They run sales on that stuff around here just for me...I buy 3 gallons at a whack...

And yes, *she confesses* I eat more than my share of ice cream sandwiches!!! And don't EVEN get me started on banana popcicles!!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen! Ave, Messieurs et Mesdames! Gathered here today at the XXXth Olympic Airfield, we are bringing you an Event that will be sure to take your breath away...Stunt Flying!

And look at the spectators lining the runway where the very best of all Ace Flyers anywhere have brought their vintage aircraft to this most amazing venue!

Let's keep an eye out for that magical pilot Francine from Laval, Quebec (USDA planting zone 5a for our gardening viewers interest). Oh! Here she is now, folks! Francine and Keith are walking her 150 hp Curtiss Jenny down the airstrip into starting position!

Not since the 1920's barnstorming and cropdusting days has a Curtiss Jenny looked so good in a public appearance and it seems as though Crazy Franny is the one to fly her with distinction!

Oui! Yes! We are receiving a live feed from planeside...that IS Francine climbing into the cockpit. She has secured her white silk throat scarf to protect her neck from leather collar burns. She has put her goggles firmly over her eys. A big grin and a wave to the crowd, Franny gives Keith the thumbs up and he TURNS the propeller and she is OFF!

Taxiing down the runway...gaining speed...nose up and there she goes into the sky! Up, Up, And Away she goes! t'est capable, Francine! YOU CAN DO IT! Listen to that Hispano-Suiza engine rooooaaaarrrrr!

And Franny is circling, and she is flying upside down and here it comes folks, she is doing the barrel roll right over our heads! The crowd is crazy with delight and cheering in the hope that Francine might hear although she's far above us. And what a fine show of Ace Flying it is, too!

But wait! What has happened?! Oh no, THREE struts on her left wing have come loose from this vintage plane and the bi-wings are shaking in the wind! Oh what will she do, ladies and gentlemen, what will she do? Landing now will only forfeit her chance at GOLD and she has worked so hard to win Or Medaille at these games! Choices! What choices! Francine is no losing perdant! She is a girl with a will to always come out on top, to always be the winning gagnant! But can these loose struts keep a good girl down?

The crowd is training binoculars on the cockpit, everyone is craning their necks to watch and oh, I can't believe it is true, but Francine has secured the control stick with her belt and is climbing out on the wing! Oh, she is wing walking in the old-style we haven't seen in 60 years! And there she goes, walking right out on that wing, securing those loosened struts, undaunted by the wind in her face or the sight of the ground speeding past far below her feet! And she's done it, folks! Crazy Franny has done it!

And she is back in the cockpit and the crowd is wild and she is rolling that old beautiful Curtiss Jenny in a sommersault of JOY!

And it's GOLD! It is GOLD for Francine! Just listen to that crowd roar in two languages! They are yelling: "Personne peut faire mieux que toi, Franny! or "No one can do it better than you, Franny!" and here she comes in a landing as smooth as butter and the spectators are jumping the fence to greet her!

And the crowd has pulled her out of the plane just as in the days of Lindbergh and she is riding on shoulders and being showered with an enthusiastic flow of champagne from these delighted fans. And she has secured her place in history, taking the GOLD today!

She is laughing! She is crying! She is saying "Merci, merci!" No, Francine, we THANK YOU for a wonderful air show medal performance today!

Merme

Yeah! Francine beautiful show!

And as always our wonderful announcer continues to amaze us. English and French dialog. WOW!

Dang it, Merme, I got so excited when she wing-walked I spilled my Chardonnay all over the keyboard!

Merme, if I could half-way write like you I'd make up a good Gold Medal story for ya!

You may have to settle for a theme song, though!

Afgrey, you flatter me, my friend! And gee...I've never had a theme song before!

AND can you believe it that women did actually wing-walk during the barnstorming era?

Scary, what?

I spilled my Chardonay just WRITING about it!

Oh, and Triss ~ That's not just any old French, you know the Parisian kind. THAT'S French Canadian French and our favorite Canuck helped me with the dialog!

Merme

Well then, I am even more impressed.

So I have to ask, is anyone here on the forum talented in the art of caricature?

I would so love to be able to print out all of these along with a full page color pic to go along with them and print them up.

You might want to have a chat with G-mom about that, Triss. She mentioned something about maybe making a booklet of them of some sorts. So perhaps the two of you could collaborate?

Merme

I will do that. I just think it would be the neatset thing.

o.O woah! This thread is AWESOME!!!! *sits and watches*

~Phoebs

Francine when your struts came loose my lovebirds Gertrude and Heathcliff and my cockatiel wolfman were screaming go Franny go. My sugar gliders wanted to help shore up your wing and spread their little webs out for you to glide in on. Merme you spin one heck of a tale making us laugh and hold our breaths and cheer each other on. Speaking of cheer makes me wish I drank so I could toast you but oh what they hey one time wont hurt. Everyone lift your glasses of Zinfinsomething high lets all toast our Mistress of ceremony and announcer extrodinare MERME
Jimmy

* clink*clink*......cheers


awesome

I am cracking open my bottle in the fridge--
toasting high to "our" Merme.... best writer I know --- would love a book of these if you guys do make it-- can't draw at all though so can't help with it-- what a neat idea!
Nana

I second that!!!!

Tonight, Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered for a very special artistic presentation by the wildflower girl herself, rue anemone. Please, as she makes her entrance, remember to withhold your applause as our rue is a very shy sort of a girl. Think of her show as your lullabye tonight...

The strains of the lovely Blue Danube come up softly as the tight spot aims at the entrance. There is rue anemone, the artist we have all been waiting for. She skips in so lightly, folks, so lightly! ...a vine of honeysuckle entwined as a halo for her hair...

As the music swells, the spotlight widens into a richer shade of blue and rue spreads her hands dropping what appear to be sparkling seeds. And magic they must be, my friends, for everywhere these unusual seeds fall, a fountain of wildflowers spring up from nowhere and open into brilliant bloom!

There is Sweet William and Black Eyed Susan and Lupine all in an undulating trail behind her. Now butterflies join her dance as the lance coreopsis, gaillardia and cimifuga grow up around her!

The music quickens, the soft hues of the lights change as though with rainbow theme and rue anemone hastens her sprite-like dance as Queen Ann's Lace and Bachlor Buttons flower along her path to the center of the meadow.

A fountain splashes to life in the midst of this display, surrounded suddenly by ferns and the smell of a shady woodland glade. There is something that looks a bit like lilies, I'm not sure what it is, but the tender color breaks the heart to look upon it.

As rue anemone softly slips away on the new grown mosses from the waters edge, a deer comes sipping. There are rabbits now, and tiny furry creatures of every description nuzzling into the dense plants so sweetly in bloom.

The music fades, the lights dim....

Good-night everyone and safe away home.

*afgrey smiles!*

Merme, you have a great gift.. thank you for sharing

These are so great,Merme

I've been saving every one of them and have started working on getting them printed up for a book for everyone. I found a great border with gold crowns,that is quite appropriate.

Got Catlovers done yesterday

School supplies are on sale so I wiil be getting folders for them. A copy of everyones event in each one.

I'll need everyones address,so I can send them out.

G-Mom

Merme, I sure did enjoy these Olympics. Thanks for making it all so much fun. I had to whiz thru them this morning to play catch up. It sure was exciting!

Meg

Oh that was beautiful Merme. A fitting end to the day!

Oh say, but I am glad everyone seems to have enjoyed our very special Olympic games. I did so have a blast writing them for you all. AND I'm terribly touched at the idea of having the whole collection made into a booklet...what a splendid idea!

Although to be honest, some of the responses were funnier than the original posts!

For instance, when I ended duckie's tremendous swim with "Stay tuned for a commercial break from our sponsors" and afgrey replied "Aflack!" I hit the deck laughing with that!

Or Phoebe saying she was sitting back to watch and Vanessa wanting to get popcorn.

Not to mention all the very sweet stuff from JV and Triss et al...

Enjoy your GOLD medals, everyone! You are all big winners in my book!!

Merme

Oh Merme how sweet.

giggling softly as I skip along and trip over my huge feet!

DAG-NAB-IT merme! you are GOOOOOD! course i've known that for years


afgrey ----- "wildwood flower" is my alltime favorite song! i can only play the radio! forget singing----i whistle instead! used to sing all the time but decided to cut my "audience" a break!


and merme----what is what is what?!?!


i think the book idea is t-i-double grr iffic!

meg love the little glow worm poem! how true!

Thanks biml. I thought it was a cute thing when I read it too.

Meg

Hi g-mom,

what a terrific idea you have ,i ll pay for my book i send you some money cuz as sweet an idea as it is it will be costly and i want to pay for mine,no insult intended i just want to be fair.

So...maybe you can answer this question for me...
Does "Wildwood Flower" have any WORDS?????

and it is with deep regret that this edition of the garden helper olympics comes to a close. please stay tuned to see if our outstanding orator merme comes up with more info on the antics of our team as they strive for the gold.


and, yes, cindy, wildwood flower does have words, but i don't know them, my momma did, and she's gone.