A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2006 A Poem of Loss

I never could write poetry that rhymed...it always sounded so very silly. I really do write upbeat and positive poems, and I will post those too as I dig them out of my files. But I wrote this just a few months ago, sitting in a cemetery on a hill screaming silently at God for taking away my only friend, feeling unbelievably sad, then unbelievably angry, and then amazingly peaceful. I just needed to share it...it helps me to heal. Maybe it can help some one else heal too.

My Sister...My Best Friend

I came to see you today
Sitting on the ground beside you.
The birds sang their songs just for us
The sounds echoing through the trees.
The wind shaking the leaves...

The silence was deafening.
I spoke to you, told you how I was doing
Not expecting an answer, but wanting one.
I thought I heard your voice
In the wind
And then you were gone...
Again...

I screamed out...I Hate This!
Why take you?! Why the anguish?! Why this pain?!
So much to do...so much left unsaid!
This is so unfair!
My anger welled up and spilled out.

And then a peaceful quiet came to me.
You aren't in pain anymore
And my own will ease in time.
Your bright smile...your sunny attitude...
Your love for all things...
good and bad...

This world wasn't good enough
for someone like you.
You were wanted elsewhere
And it was my privilege
to be near you
to have you in my life
for the short time you were here.
And I am blessed because of it.
And I miss you....

Tammy died in April, 2006 at the age of 36. Everyone who met her was better for it. The garden that I planted in my yard this year was to be our garden. She loved to garden, especially flowers, but after fighting cancer for over 5 years, she couldn't fight any more. That garden and this poem are dedicated to her. And I know she's in Heaven because she was too good a person to have gone anywhere else.

I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful way to express it, though...

When my mother died, I felt much the same way and still do...

I am designing a memorial garden in her memory. It will have angels in it...

Dianna

Connie, that is a beautiful poem. What a special friend you were blessed to have in your life!

Thank you all, very much. I was a bit apprehensive putting it in the forum...some people are uncomfortable with another's grief. But I figure if I can help just one person feel a little bit better than they did before they read it, then I feel better. Tammy was 19 months younger than me, and it seemed that we were connected at the hip when we were younger. No sibling rivalry at all, just this overwhelming urge to defend and protect eachother. And boy, did she LOVE gardens. She helped me from her wheelchair as best she could and planted the flowers in the pots on my front porch just three days before she died. Those flowers are now overflowing their boxes. Anyway...didn't mean to hog space...I just miss her alot and can't seem to shut up when I start talking about her.

A very beautifully written tribute!

Thoughtful, and touching...that is what writing is about.

Connie, what a beautiful and touching poem about your sister.
I am so sorry for your loss

Thanks for the Poem that is how I felt after my wife passed away in 2002 and still do at times.

Thank you for sharing that with us.... It's very touching--I'm sorry for your loss.

I just got back from a rodeo trip in Wisconsin. Part of the trip was on highways and in places that we went as kids for vacation. That was a bit difficult. Having good memories make me sad is a new emotion for me, and I can't say as I like it very much. My husband is terrific. He sees when the moments of sadness hit me out of the blue...and they really do that...and he just hugs me until it passes. It's strange, but it felt very good to remember, even though it hurts when I do.

As I was taking pictures of my garden to post in my '...Agony of Defeat...' post, I decided to take this picture of one of the cosmos that me and Tammy planted from seed a week before she died. Tammy sat on the porch in her wheelchair, and threw them off of the porch. They are now almost 4 feet tall and with blooms aplenty. This one was just pretty. They are Rick's favorite flowers, so they are double special to me.

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l22/gheer061468/Rickscosmos.jpg

Very beautiful!!!

This was taken about 15 years ago, of me and Tammy. I found it the other day, going through a box of old photos. Good therapy, I think.

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l22/gheer061468/Tammy/tammy2.jpg

Wow you are both very beautiful sweet hearts.
Is she the one on the right?

Your story has touched my soul.
And I am glad that you posted this on the forum.
It has helped me heal, to know that I am not alone.
Thank you for sharing your story.
And please continue.
Its like a sad movie and I'm sorry that its your reality.
All of us are here for you, if you ever feel the need to post anything about Tammy or yourself we are hear to listen.
Much Love~ Have a peaceful day.
Talk to Tammy, she can hear you from Heaven.

Tammy is the dark haired one on the left. I've missed her alot the last few days...Labor Day isn't a really big holiday in our family...but every year for about the last 8 years or so, I've secretly gone to pick her up on different holidays to surprise my mom...I don't get to do that anymore, and, well...I haven't quite gotten over that icky, sad feeling yet...but I will...I'm thinking about writing a book about her...it may be good therapy.

Okay, I have to tell everyone about it...I entered portions of this poem into a poetry contest. It was selected as semi-finalist and will be published this winter. This poem is the second one to be published and make semi-finalist for me. I just had to let you know.