A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2006 The First Step In A Long Journey - Completed!

Hi everyone ~

As some of you already know, it has been my desire for the past 10 years to seek ordination to the Diaconate of the Episcopal Church.

Although my sincerity has remained intact, there were long delays because of my health and Maxi's young age. And for a while there, it looked as though I might never get to fulfill this very personal dream.

Recently I got news that IF I hoped to be admitted to the Deacon Formation Program in May of 2007, I had to start the process NOW.

So... I contacted the Canon to the Ordinary and asked her if my name could be added to the list of those seekers hoping to be nominated by early spring to begin studies.

She put my name on the list tenatively and suggested I contact the Bishop directly for a conversation about my health and poverty being hindrances to my admission to the program.

If my health would disqualify me without a second glance, there was no point in proceeding any further, so I made haste to open a conversation with the Bishop via email.

The Bishop is well aware of the gravity of my health situation, Maxi, and our difficult circumstances financially. Even so, I gave her a brief review and explained my position about those things and how I would manage becoming a Postulate if chosen.

And then, the wait was on! Some of you have very kindly been holding my hand and my heart on this topic, knowing how much it all means to me.

Today I received her reply:

"Do proceed with participation in a "Here I Am, Send Me" group in the fall..."

AND she told me she cc'd her reply to the Canon of The Ordinary to enroll me in the group that will be forming in my area.

AND, when she mentioned the fact that my next step will be to attend a mandatory all day meeting on September 30th in Bangor, she referenced the fact that I do not own a car by saying "Carpooling happens!"

AND she asked me to keep in close touch

AND that she would be praying for me and Maxi!!!

So now I am so thrilled I can hardly breathe.

And a little bit scared, too.

You would NOT believe the process involved of even getting to the point of being chosen to begin the 2 year Deacon Formation Program. Partially, it concerns participating in the group I mentioned earlier. That group is designed to help ferret out those who the Church feels are truly Called and those who would be more successful redirected into other persuits.

So the group effort begins in October, and if the group feels I am a good possibility, they will nominate me to the Bishop.

When the Bishop receives my file and the nomination, she will invite me to attend Interview Day in May 2007.

It is only AFTER that interview that I will discover if she agrees I should become a Postulate and begin my studies and formation leading to ordination to the Diaconate.

Tonight at dinner when I announced the news to Maxi, he cheered, saying "You are one step closer!" and he was so pleased for both of us, so pleased.

So oh my palies, I can hardly believe how blessed I am to have gotten this far... and awed at the prospect of the next steps.

My local friends are working on trying to get me a vehicle of my own, altered for left-foot driving so I can get my license over the summer and be all set by September 30th for the next steps in the journey.

But for tonight, it is so good to have taken this very first step on this road I've been longing to travel for ages.

Merme

Merme,
What a wonderful to be accepted- just know it will all follow in a line now- you are such a special person and I have always known you have the kind of faith that will get you where you want to be..... will be praying for you tonight and every day....
Nana

WOW. Merme, I just do not know what to say here about this wonderful news. I am so happy for you and will be praying that everything comes together so that you can indeed answer your calling and fulfill your dream!

The thing that so touches my heart about all of this is how the story unfolded.

When I first became a Christian at 16, back in the 70's, I IMMEDIATELY felt this "Call" to be ordained. But the trouble was, I didn't know ordained to WHAT?

Over the years I kept describing in a very detailed way what job I wanted to do in the church and whenever I spoke with any Protestant minister about it, they would say "You don't need ordination or education for that! Just keep doing all the good things you are doing."

And so I worked. For 18 years I worked nearly full time in my churches as well as full time in my secular job. And yet, no matter how much I accomplished in my churches, I still felt like a piece of everything was missing because of the ordination thing. So I waited, still not knowing why I kept saying I needed to be ordained when none of the churches I knew offered this type of ordination.

It wasn't until 1996 when I entered the Anglican Communion through the Episcopal Church that I found out that such an ordination DOES exist -- it is an Ordination to the Diaconate!

All along, I just sensed there was something out there for me to fulfill this call, but I didn't know where to seek it.

Then when I finally found out, and I got so suddenly ill and Maxi was still so small, well, you can well imagine I thought it was all an impossibility.

But the direction from the Bishop today telling me "Do proceed" indicates to me that at least this first phase of things ISN'T impossible, though undoubtedly difficult.

And by the way, have you ever heard anything so REGAL sounding in your life? DO PROCEED.

What a phrase!

Merme

Merme d@#m the torpedos full steam ahead you will do good in this endeaver. Praying things go right for you. You know a lot of things man (or woman) cannot manage but leave it to God he can pull you through everything in his time.

Merme, I am so very excited for you! The long trip that you have had to get to this point just shows that "With God, all things are possible". Stepping stones to ensure that your travels to your heart's desire have been placed. Though the journey may be difficult, it is not impossible...

Hugs!

Dianna

Merme ~

Wishing you much good luck, good health, and the strength you'll need to see you through this lifelong endeavor of yours.

How wonderful that 2 short words can lift your spirits so high... DO PROCEED!

Merme, best wishes and prayers for your endeavors.

Merme

I know, I do not know you, just only spoke with you breifly,I just want you to know my heart and prayers go to you and Maxi.
And what a wonderful feeling I had to read your post and see your joy in this opportunity you have longed for.
Very Happy for you!
Thoughts
Angie

Late last week I got a copy of the driving handbook for Maine as I've never had a Maine license, though I've been licensed in other states.

WOW! This book is HUGE and covers topics that have nothing whatsoever to do with driving...

the effects of alcohol on pregnancy
first aid
car repair

Things sure have changed since the last time I had to take a written driving test!

When I was young, I thought it was tough enough to have to recall the various stopping distances.

But, taking my instructions of "Do Proceed" to heart, I need to get this piece of the puzzle nailed.

Do Proceed. Indeed.

Merme

Good luck with the studying for the driving test Merme. A lot of DMV's now have online practice tests. Maybe yours does as well.

best of wishes merme, you'll get there when you least expect it!

Merme..., Your post touched me I am soo Happy for you..
Do not remember former things, or consider things of old , I am about to do a new thing, now it springs up, do you not know it? Isaiah 43:18-19
and 21> these people
I have formed for myself,and they shall go forth and praise my Name.
Okay what was the name of your first group"Here I am, send me"
These words for me mean a new way of honoring the past by remembering God's promise for the future.
Gods Chooses the least likely people to go out and teach and Praise his name,It matters not your age, background, race,education,social/financial status, natural talents or physically ability,
By remaining Faithful and true thru all your challanges, the Blessing of the door "Do Proceed",opening is the first step for you to journey the course with a determined clear and purposeful focus,, just as you have always shown your pathblazing determination ( You have a garden set up and not even a yard LOL)(SEE)?)
Your raising a wonderful son Who's very supportive and Loving.., these are just two main examples I've learned about you in the past few weeks... Sooo Merme the Drivers test can be a walk in the park,, I agree with Triss see if your state has an on line practice test, or have Maxi quiz you !


Bless you Merme and Thank-you for posting your news.., it does my Soul good to read Blessings like this,,
Diane

Good for you, Merme.

I finally had the chance to speak with our new, temporary priest about these things. He was delighted to hear my news.

And, as one might expect from any priest, he took the Bishops instructions to me quite seriously and thought I should as well... Do Proceed.

So I've been doing tons of preliminary reading and some research. Triss has even helped a bit because I can't open winzip files.

As hard as all of this is going to be, I still just feel so RIGHT about it all somehow. Hard to explain, but tis true enough.

Merme

Don't know why I am so late in hearing this good news but am very happy for you. This is wonderful and I believe you will fill the position remarkably well. And as far as regal instructions go, I believe I shall be adding "Do Proceed" to my repertoire.

Merme No need to explain when the feeling is right and you're at peace with what you're doing !To proceed with a clear focus, is where your heart is that will make this a smoother journey!!! I'm sooo Happy for you!!, I'm sure all of us can and will help in anyway possible to help you accomplish this.. Anytime you need me PM me what ever it is I'll help within my power !

Diane

Today I spent the morning figuring out the best way to accomplish the next step on this Journey.

There is a MANDATORY all day meeting being held in Bangor on September 30th. If a person misses that meeting, that person can NOT continue in the process.

Well, so the meeting is from 8:30 AM until 3 PM on a Saturday. Bangor is 3 hours away.

Try as I might, for some reason I could not persuade any of my friends that they wanted to leave at 5 AM to spend a day at the Bangor Mall and looking at Stephen Kings house while I was in a meeting all day! Go figure.

So... on to Plan B.

I first had to spend an enormous amount of time studying maps because I have only been to Bangor once in my whole entire life and didn't see much of it during that visit.

Thus armed with the layout of the city, this is the plan I worked out:

I can leave on an early Greyhound on Friday, the day before the meeting. Take a taxi to a hotel. Stay the night. Take a taxi to the meeting. After the meeting ends, take a taxi back to the bus station. Hang out for about an hour and catch the Greyhound heading back my way, getting in around 9:30 Saturday night. At which point, a friend will meet me to pick me up and bring me the rest of the way home.

It will be a complicated and expensive way to attend the meeting, but that is infinitely better than missing it!

And, I can make the budget work if I do not buy the things for the house I had planned to buy for my birthday. Those things can wait til after the first of the year when there won't be so many important things demanding my attention and cash.

I believe I am strong enough now to get on a Greyhound and they told me that my folded wheelchair will travel okay in the baggage compartment.

There are many hotels in the area where I will need to stay... priced from around $60 up to $125 per night. I will have to pick one based on accessibility which is hard to do because of the variations of meaning for "accessable". I usually don't like to go places that I or one of my friends haven't actually seen for just that reason.

My support group has always harped on the concept of never ever traveling without an alternate leg in the suitcase because a person really does NOT want to get stranded out of town with a broken prosthesis. And they do break. So I'm delighted that I now also have an alternate leg. It is a swim leg -- ie. a stripped down not cosmetically enhanced version of my regular one, but I'd do alright with it.

I will also have to figure out about some sort of luggage. I prefer to travel very lightly at all times, but to be honest, now I must lug around lots of medical junk with me. So I will need something roomy enough to pack the spare leg and all my other supplies and still have space to spare for my clothes. It would be great to have something I can manage in the wheelchair.

Time for some window shopping, it seems!

Now I'm 1/2 excited and 1/2 scared ... about the trip itself and about the Journey I'm on.

Merme

That is very exciting Merme! Would one of those basic black suitcase with two wheels on the bottom work. Generally the handles come out so you can pull it along?

I'm not entirely sure, Triss.

I have seen the kind that must be pulled because the handles retract when you push on them. If they make a kind that the handles can lock into place, that would be ideal.

Althernately, something that would moreorless fit in my lap with perhaps a shoulder strap that would leave my hands free for managing the chair would also work. Provided it would be big enough but not too big!

Expense is the other consideration. Sometimes luggage is awfully costly.

Merme

The ones I use have a button on the handle that you have to push to get the handle down. Maybe a friend has something you could borrow and then you would not have to pay for luggage at all. So many people just keep their cases up in the closet, gathering dust.

I am happy for you! I hope it all goes great!!
Thoughts to you!

An update ~

Triss called me today and I'm so glad she did!

Early Friday morning I leave for Bangor. Half of the time I think I MUST be outta my mind; the other half of the time, I know I am.

I do not leave the apartment alone. And now I am going all the way to Bangor all by myself? yipes.

To the plus side: I have the budget completely set, the reservations made, I've registered for my classes on Saturday. My PT has been a slave driver with me getting me strong enough to not simply tolerate the trip but to also climb aboard that Greyhound with it's woefully tall first step.

Also to the plus side is the fact that I've gained the support of every single person who has heard of me entering the process -- both lay and ordained people alike. THAT helps my confidence because no one has laughed at the notion.

I had been planning to go shopping for a new dress or skirt because it is much more comfortable to be seated in the wheelchair all day if one isn't wearing slacks. But there is simply NO MORE TIME left this week to accomplish that. And I so did NOT want to show up at this meeting looking like the poor cousin from nowhere.

This morning a friend brought over a new dress for me she had in her closet but hasn't worn. It is a deep sage green (not my best color) but I can make that color work for me. It is a sleeveless sheath with a boat neckline. It falls in a soft drape from the V shaped, dropped waist. On me, it is mid-calf length which is great because longer skirts tend to get caught in the front wheels of the chair. Over it, is a remarkably soft pink, white, sage green delicate plaid knit jacket. If the day turns too warm for the jacket, I will be uncomfortable about going around in a sleeveless dress, so hopefully it will stay cool enough all day.

Angelblossom/Diane sent me a beautiful necklace for my birthday that I will try on with it. Also I will try the one loz sent me in the summer. I'm sure one of them will be the perfect touch. And so my Forum Family will be kinda traveling with nervous me.

Tomorrow after swim therapy is my last chance to go shopping and run errands before the trip. It is a necessary run for stockings, snacks & drinks for the trip, snacks for the hotel because I always must eat before bedtime. I will also take my lightweight briefcase, plenty of paper and pens. A calling card, just in case.

I'm STILL looking for a sitter for Maxi. Anyone wanna come to Maine and watch the lad for me? After school Friday through Sunday morning? He is a good kid and I do not charge anyone for hanging out with him, so the price is right. Anyone? Going once? Twice?

Told you: I'm outta my mind.

Merme

Merme,
I so wish I could get to Maine to watch Maxi- I am free weekends- and what a treat that would be, sure wish we could transport people as well as the occasional drink and meal.... where is Scotty when you need him? He could have all sorts of fun with these 4 boys here and who knows who else will be here this weekend.... I am always wishing Colorado and Maine were closer!
So glad you are getting it all together to go to Bangor- all on your own - you are doing so very well- !
The dress sounds lovely too and I am with you hope it stays cool enough not to go sleeveless but I am sure you will handle it if it does get to warm...
I am so very proud of you !
Nana

Merme, I hope everything works out for Maxi this weekend. I do not want you to miss out ont his cuz his dad will not watch him for the weekend. Good luck and remember to have fun while you are gone as well!