Hi everyone ~

As some of you already know, it has been my desire for the past 10 years to seek ordination to the Diaconate of the Episcopal Church.

Although my sincerity has remained intact, there were long delays because of my health and Maxi's young age. And for a while there, it looked as though I might never get to fulfill this very personal dream.

Recently I got news that IF I hoped to be admitted to the Deacon Formation Program in May of 2007, I had to start the process NOW.

So... I contacted the Canon to the Ordinary and asked her if my name could be added to the list of those seekers hoping to be nominated by early Spring to begin studies.

She put my name on the list tenatively and suggested I contact the Bishop directly for a conversation about my health and poverty being hindrances to my admission to the program.

If my health would disqualify me without a second glance, there was no point in proceeding any further, so I made haste to open a conversation with the Bishop via email.

The Bishop is well aware of the gravity of my health situation, Maxi, and our difficult circumstances financially. Even so, I gave her a brief review and explained my position about those things and how I would manage becoming a Postulate if chosen.

And then, the wait was on! Some of you have very kindly been holding my hand and my heart on this topic, knowing how much it all means to me.

Today I received her reply:

"Do proceed with participation in a "Here I Am, Send Me" group in the fall..."

AND she told me she cc'd her reply to the Canon of The Ordinary to enroll me in the group that will be forming in my area.

AND, when she mentioned the fact that my next step will be to attend a mandatory all day meeting on September 30th in Bangor, she referenced the fact that I do not own a car by saying "Carpooling happens!"

AND she asked me to keep in close touch

AND that she would be praying for me and Maxi!!!

So now I am so thrilled I can hardly breathe.

And a little bit scared, too.

You would NOT believe the process involved of even getting to the point of being chosen to begin the 2 year Deacon Formation Program. Partially, it concerns participating in the group I mentioned earlier. That group is designed to help ferret out those who the Church feels are truly Called and those who would be more successful redirected into other persuits.

So the group effort begins in October, and if the group feels I am a good possibility, they will nominate me to the Bishop.

When the Bishop receives my file and the nomination, she will invite me to attend Interview Day in May 2007.

It is only AFTER that interview that I will discover if she agrees I should become a Postulate and begin my studies and formation leading to ordination to the Diaconate.

Tonight at dinner when I announced the news to Maxi, he cheered, saying "You are one step closer!" and he was so pleased for both of us, so pleased.

So oh my palies, I can hardly believe how blessed I am to have gotten this far... and awed at the prospect of the next steps.

My local friends are working on trying to get me a vehicle of my own, altered for left-foot driving so I can get my license over the summer and be all set by September 30th for the next steps in the journey.

But for tonight, it is so good to have taken this very first step on this road I've been longing to travel for ages.

Merme

Merme,
What a wonderful to be accepted- just know it will all follow in a line now- you are such a special person and I have always known you have the kind of faith that will get you where you want to be..... will be praying for you tonight and every day....
Nana

WOW. Merme, I just do not know what to say here about this wonderful news. I am so happy for you and will be praying that everything comes together so that you can indeed answer your calling and fulfill your dream!

The thing that so touches my heart about all of this is how the story unfolded.

When I first became a Christian at 16, back in the 70's, I IMMEDIATELY felt this "Call" to be ordained. But the trouble was, I didn't know ordained to WHAT?

Over the years I kept describing in a very detailed way what job I wanted to do in the church and whenever I spoke with any Protestant minister about it, they would say "You don't need ordination or education for that! Just keep doing all the good things you are doing."

And so I worked. For 18 years I worked nearly full time in my churches as well as full time in my secular job. And yet, no matter how much I accomplished in my churches, I still felt like a piece of everything was missing because of the ordination thing. So I waited, still not knowing why I kept saying I needed to be ordained when none of the churches I knew offered this type of ordination.

It wasn't until 1996 when I entered the Anglican Communion through the Episcopal Church that I found out that such an ordination DOES exist -- it is an Ordination to the Diaconate!

All along, I just sensed there was something out there for me to fulfill this call, but I didn't know where to seek it.

Then when I finally found out, and I got so suddenly ill and Maxi was still so small, well, you can well imagine I thought it was all an impossibility.

But the direction from the Bishop today telling me "Do proceed" indicates to me that at least this first phase of things ISN'T impossible, though undoubtedly difficult.

And by the way, have you ever heard anything so REGAL sounding in your life? DO PROCEED.

What a phrase!

Merme

Merme d@#m the torpedos full steam ahead you will do good in this endeaver. Praying things go right for you. You know a lot of things man (or woman) cannot manage but leave it to God he can pull you through everything in his time.

Merme, I am so very excited for you! The long trip that you have had to get to this point just shows that "With God, all things are possible". Stepping stones to ensure that your travels to your heart's desire have been placed. Though the journey may be difficult, it is not impossible...

Hugs!

Dianna

Merme ~

Wishing you much good luck, good health, and the strength you'll need to see you through this lifelong endeavor of yours.

How wonderful that 2 short words can lift your spirits so high... DO PROCEED!

Merme, best wishes and prayers for your endeavors.

Merme

I know, I do not know you, just only spoke with you breifly,I just want you to know my heart and prayers go to you and Maxi.
And what a wonderful feeling I had to read your post and see your joy in this opportunity you have longed for.
Very Happy for you!
Thoughts
Angie

Late last week I got a copy of the driving handbook for Maine as I've never had a Maine license, though I've been licensed in other states.

WOW! This book is HUGE and covers topics that have nothing whatsoever to do with driving...

the effects of alcohol on pregnancy
first aid
car repair

Things sure have changed since the last time I had to take a written driving test!

When I was young, I thought it was tough enough to have to recall the various stopping distances.

But, taking my instructions of "Do Proceed" to heart, I need to get this piece of the puzzle nailed.

Do Proceed. Indeed.

Merme

Good luck with the studying for the driving test Merme. A lot of DMV's now have online practice tests. Maybe yours does as well.

best of wishes merme, you'll get there when you least expect it!

Merme..., Your post touched me I am soo Happy for you..
Do not remember former things, or consider things of old , I am about to do a new thing, now it springs up, do you not know it? Isaiah 43:18-19
and 21> these people
I have formed for myself,and they shall go forth and praise my Name.
Okay what was the name of your first group"Here I am, send me"
These words for me mean a new way of honoring the past by remembering God's promise for the future.
Gods Chooses the least likely people to go out and teach and Praise his name,It matters not your age, background, race,education,social/financial status, natural talents or physically ability,
By remaining Faithful and true thru all your challanges, the Blessing of the door "Do Proceed",opening is the first step for you to journey the course with a determined clear and purposeful focus,, just as you have always shown your pathblazing determination ( You have a garden set up and not even a yard LOL)(SEE)?)
Your raising a wonderful son Who's very supportive and Loving.., these are just two main examples I've learned about you in the past few weeks... Sooo Merme the Drivers test can be a walk in the park,, I agree with Triss see if your state has an on line practice test, or have Maxi quiz you !


Bless you Merme and Thank-you for posting your news.., it does my Soul good to read Blessings like this,,
Diane

Good for you, Merme.

I finally had the chance to speak with our new, temporary priest about these things. He was delighted to hear my news.

And, as one might expect from any priest, he took the Bishops instructions to me quite seriously and thought I should as well... Do Proceed.

So I've been doing tons of preliminary reading and some research. Triss has even helped a bit because I can't open winzip files.

As hard as all of this is going to be, I still just feel so RIGHT about it all somehow. Hard to explain, but tis true enough.

Merme

Don't know why I am so late in hearing this good news but am very happy for you. This is wonderful and I believe you will fill the position remarkably well. And as far as regal instructions go, I believe I shall be adding "Do Proceed" to my repertoire.

Merme No need to explain when the feeling is right and you're at peace with what you're doing !To proceed with a clear focus, is where your heart is that will make this a smoother journey!!! I'm sooo Happy for you!!, I'm sure all of us can and will help in anyway possible to help you accomplish this.. Anytime you need me PM me what ever it is I'll help within my power !

Diane

Today I spent the morning figuring out the best way to accomplish the next step on this Journey.

There is a MANDATORY all day meeting being held in Bangor on September 30th. If a person misses that meeting, that person can NOT continue in the process.

Well, so the meeting is from 8:30 AM until 3 PM on a Saturday. Bangor is 3 hours away.

Try as I might, for some reason I could not persuade any of my friends that they wanted to leave at 5 AM to spend a day at the Bangor Mall and looking at Stephen Kings house while I was in a meeting all day! Go figure.

So... on to Plan B.

I first had to spend an enormous amount of time studying maps because I have only been to Bangor once in my whole entire life and didn't see much of it during that visit.

Thus armed with the layout of the city, this is the plan I worked out:

I can leave on an early Greyhound on Friday, the day before the meeting. Take a taxi to a hotel. Stay the night. Take a taxi to the meeting. After the meeting ends, take a taxi back to the bus station. Hang out for about an hour and catch the Greyhound heading back my way, getting in around 9:30 Saturday night. At which point, a friend will meet me to pick me up and bring me the rest of the way home.

It will be a complicated and expensive way to attend the meeting, but that is infinitely better than missing it!

And, I can make the budget work if I do not buy the things for the house I had planned to buy for my birthday. Those things can wait til after the first of the year when there won't be so many important things demanding my attention and cash.

I believe I am strong enough now to get on a Greyhound and they told me that my folded wheelchair will travel okay in the baggage compartment.

There are many hotels in the area where I will need to stay... priced from around $60 up to $125 per night. I will have to pick one based on accessibility which is hard to do because of the variations of meaning for "accessable". I usually don't like to go places that I or one of my friends haven't actually seen for just that reason.

My support group has always harped on the concept of never ever traveling without an alternate leg in the suitcase because a person really does NOT want to get stranded out of town with a broken prosthesis. And they do break. So I'm delighted that I now also have an alternate leg. It is a swim leg -- ie. a stripped down not cosmetically enhanced version of my regular one, but I'd do alright with it.

I will also have to figure out about some sort of luggage. I prefer to travel very lightly at all times, but to be honest, now I must lug around lots of medical junk with me. So I will need something roomy enough to pack the spare leg and all my other supplies and still have space to spare for my clothes. It would be great to have something I can manage in the wheelchair.

Time for some window shopping, it seems!

Now I'm 1/2 excited and 1/2 scared ... about the trip itself and about the Journey I'm on.

Merme

That is very exciting Merme! Would one of those basic black suitcase with two wheels on the bottom work. Generally the handles come out so you can pull it along?

I'm not entirely sure, Triss.

I have seen the kind that must be pulled because the handles retract when you push on them. If they make a kind that the handles can lock into place, that would be ideal.

Althernately, something that would moreorless fit in my lap with perhaps a shoulder strap that would leave my hands free for managing the chair would also work. Provided it would be big enough but not too big!

Expense is the other consideration. Sometimes luggage is awfully costly.

Merme

The ones I use have a button on the handle that you have to push to get the handle down. Maybe a friend has something you could borrow and then you would not have to pay for luggage at all. So many people just keep their cases up in the closet, gathering dust.

I am happy for you! I hope it all goes great!!
Thoughts to you!

An update ~

Triss called me today and I'm so glad she did!

Early Friday morning I leave for Bangor. Half of the time I think I MUST be outta my mind; the other half of the time, I know I am.

I do not leave the apartment alone. And now I am going all the way to Bangor all by myself? yipes.

To the plus side: I have the budget completely set, the reservations made, I've registered for my classes on Saturday. My PT has been a slave driver with me getting me strong enough to not simply tolerate the trip but to also climb aboard that Greyhound with it's woefully tall first step.

Also to the plus side is the fact that I've gained the support of every single person who has heard of me entering the process -- both lay and ordained people alike. THAT helps my confidence because no one has laughed at the notion.

I had been planning to go shopping for a new dress or skirt because it is much more comfortable to be seated in the wheelchair all day if one isn't wearing slacks. But there is simply NO MORE TIME left this week to accomplish that. And I so did NOT want to show up at this meeting looking like the poor cousin from nowhere.

This morning a friend brought over a new dress for me she had in her closet but hasn't worn. It is a deep sage green (not my best color) but I can make that color work for me. It is a sleeveless sheath with a boat neckline. It falls in a soft drape from the V shaped, dropped waist. On me, it is mid-calf length which is great because longer skirts tend to get caught in the front wheels of the chair. Over it, is a remarkably soft pink, white, sage green delicate plaid knit jacket. If the day turns too warm for the jacket, I will be uncomfortable about going around in a sleeveless dress, so hopefully it will stay cool enough all day.

Angelblossom/Diane sent me a beautiful necklace for my birthday that I will try on with it. Also I will try the one loz sent me in the summer. I'm sure one of them will be the perfect touch. And so my Forum Family will be kinda traveling with nervous me.

Tomorrow after swim therapy is my last chance to go shopping and run errands before the trip. It is a necessary run for stockings, snacks & drinks for the trip, snacks for the hotel because I always must eat before bedtime. I will also take my lightweight briefcase, plenty of paper and pens. A calling card, just in case.

I'm STILL looking for a sitter for Maxi. Anyone wanna come to Maine and watch the lad for me? After school Friday through Sunday morning? He is a good kid and I do not charge anyone for hanging out with him, so the price is right. Anyone? Going once? Twice?

Told you: I'm outta my mind.

Merme

Merme,
I so wish I could get to Maine to watch Maxi- I am free weekends- and what a treat that would be, sure wish we could transport people as well as the occasional drink and meal.... where is Scotty when you need him? He could have all sorts of fun with these 4 boys here and who knows who else will be here this weekend.... I am always wishing Colorado and Maine were closer!
So glad you are getting it all together to go to Bangor- all on your own - you are doing so very well- !
The dress sounds lovely too and I am with you hope it stays cool enough not to go sleeveless but I am sure you will handle it if it does get to warm...
I am so very proud of you !
Nana

Merme, I hope everything works out for Maxi this weekend. I do not want you to miss out ont his cuz his dad will not watch him for the weekend. Good luck and remember to have fun while you are gone as well!

Merme - your plans for your trip are so well organized and complete. I'm sorry you don't have someone for Maxi though - is it possible for him to stay with one of his friends in your complex? I know you haven't been there all that long, but surely the kids have been in and out of your house enough to know them pretty well by now?

I agree with Nana - the dress sounds great - just be cool, think cool, and stay cool!!! I've been in that situation, and the best thing is try not to notice the weather!

Enjoy yourself - I am also very proud of you for taking all this on by yourself!

Merme,
I'm so sorry I missed this thread when you first posted!
I live in Bangor and would be more than happy to have you overnight!
If you need anything while you're here give me a call. Heck call me anyway and we can hang together when you're not in class!
I'll pm you my phone number.

Oh how fun! I sure hope you two can connect.

Becky ~ I will be at Ledbetter's sandwich/soup shop on Odlin Road (not far from the Ground Round) on Friday sometime between 12:00 and 12:30. Why not join me for lunch or coffee? I will hang out there for a while. After that, I really must focus on the purpose of the trip.

Merme

Hi everyone ~ This is the update concerning the purpose of my trip to Bangor...

I was able to get to the meeting on time, at 8:30 AM. After all the torrential rain we'd had the day before, Saturday turned out to be splendid. It was hard to go inside, but everyone snuck back out whenever there was opportunity throughout the day. We even adjorned slightly earlier than originally planned to allow people to enjoy the remainder of the sunshine and mild temperature.

The meeting itself was AWESOME!

Because the Episcopalian facility in Bangor is too small to host this event, the local Lutheran church made us welcome there and every single person involved did much to have things go smoothly and make us feel at home.

First, we spent some time together having hot drinks, muffins and platter of fresh fruit salad. It was a nice time to read name tags and do introductions and "where are you froms?"

Then, we went into the large sanctuary and were introduced to the elderly priest -- a very esteemed man -- who is the Chairman of The Committee On Holy Orders. He was a lovely fellow too. His remarks were at times humorous, at times enlightening, and still at other times soothing. He was clearly in charge of the day and kept things organized and moving right along as they should. I was seated near enough to him that I got to hear him sing and oh, he has a beautiful, beautiful singing voice and it was just swell to hear him enjoying himself so completely with the music.

The Lutheran organist who lent us his massive talents was unbelievably good. Using two different hymnals, he sat listening to each speaker very carefully. Based on the content of each person's speach, he would announce the number for the next hymn. And every single choice he made, from either book, was perfect for the moment. It was marvelous!

Each speaker in the morning was awesome. Every time one of them was up there, I'd think "Oh, so THIS is what I came to Bangor to hear!" and then the next one would get up and I'd be impressed and delighted all over again thinking "Oh, THIS is why!"

The priest in charge of that Lutheran church did the most magnificent 10 minute talk I have ever heard, using her violin and a gift for poetic statement to demonstrate her thoughts. She had us eating right out of her hand and I did not want her to stop talking and hope someday to go back there and hear her at it again.

Then we had a short break and went off to our classes. Tired as I was, I was able to focus very well and take good notes; interact with the class. And, at one point, the priest in charge of that class and his panel asked us a tough question to answer immediately. I surprised myself by giving the correct answer on a topic I didn't even know I knew! The panel seemed as surprised by my answer as I was and quipped "Give her a Gold Star for that one!"

Then they fed us a yummy cold lunch that had been catered by the same company that had done the greeting snacks. For lunch it was platters of wraps in about five different varieties, chips, cold and hot drinks and piles of more fresh fruit. It was yummy and another fun chance to sit with total strangers and chat up a storm.

By then, your Merme was done in but there was the afternoon yet to face. Don't know exactly where the strength came from, but I went to my next class which was taught by the Bishop. Her panel consisted of members of the Committee on Holy Orders and oh man, it was a bit daunting to listen to the details of the very high bar that is placed before anyone seeking ordination. It was also thrilling to hear such learned people speaking with ease on complicated topics and allowing us to ask pointed, difficult questions.

After that class was ended we were all given a writing assignment to complete. I went outside for a bit to clear my head because I was aching with fatigue by then. I did finish the writing assignment although I am not now certain of what I wrote about!!

Lastly, there was the closing gathering and we were given detailed instructions about whom we were to contact in the coming weeks to continue the process, etc. The Bishop announced that I needed a ride to the Greyhound station and several people volunteered to drive me, which was super because the taxi's in Bangor are priced outta sight!

Throughout the day I had several opportunities for lovely exchanges with our Bishop who is truly one very fine woman; a marvelous example to anyone. She is a very short lady with the richest, most vibrant speaking voice that is so pleasing to the ears and her speaking style is terrific. She also has a down-to-earth very vivid sense of humor and a keen compassion toward people that is breathtaking.

She surprised me after the meeting ended by telling me she wants to have our first formal interview on October 29th, the day she will be visiting my church late in the afternoon.

The 29th? So soon? I thought that step was months away yet!!

She also commented that she was delighted I had made it to the meeting and knew I was exhausted by the magnitude of the trip.

Well, considering I haven't left my apt without assistance in FOUR YEARS, it was sorta miraculous for me to have traveled to Bangor all by myself!

And yes, I was (and still am) exhausted, but still, I wouldn't have missed that event for anything in the world. There was such a treasure trove of information -- far more than what my wee brain could hold -- I will be processing it all for ages!

In the next few weeks, as I pull my thoughts together, I will write a presentation of handouts for the ruling body of my church and for my priest, to share with them some of the things I learned.

AND I will try my best to prepare myself for the interview on the 29th.

whew. what a Journey this truly is!

Merme

I am so proud of you , Merme!

I'm sure you will do just fine on the 29th!

Merme,
I am with Mel ... I know where that strength came from- your hard work in PT and God helping you along- you are doing so very well!
Nana

I forgot to say that I wore the pretty necklace Angelblossom gave me for my birthday. So it seemed as though my Forum Family was right with me all the day long. Thanks, guys. You all mean so much to me.

Merme

Merme, It is as wonderful to read about your trip as it was to hear it from you first hand. What a wonderful weekend you had and now having done this, you know that the sky is the limit. You CAN do anything!

...Merme -
you continue to be an outstanding inspiration to us all!

I'm so glad that despite all the difficulties, you had a good trip with many important lessons learned, and wonderful experiences that you are not soon to forget. You have proven to yourself, as well as to all of us, that you are a go getter, and can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

Hi everyone ~

Wednesday night, the 25th, I took a class to learn how to take Communion out to people who are shut-in for one reason or another or hospitalized. It was a great class and I think Lisa, my teammate, and I will have a marvelous time doing this important service together.

This class was another important step on my Journey and I sat through it all "Little Miss Happy" as Maxi likes to call me, pen and notebook in hand, shorthanding all the terrific things Fr. David explained.

But oh my goodness, how I wish y'all could meet this new priest of ours. He is just a Sweetheart, a true Sweetheart.

He is from NY, so of course we are all loving his accent and his speech mannerisms. He is tall and very thin, in his early 50's. Both his wife and his mom are RN's and though I do not know them as well yet, they seem like a fine family.

But Fr. David has a way of explaining things that just soothes my brain which tends to overwork itself trying to understand. He speaks easily, using simple, ordinary language and yet puts the whole package together in such a way that you "get it" right off! No struggling, no woe, no fretting about how you are gonna remember it all. He makes it easy to LEARN from him; not just hear the facts from him.

I've told people "he is an affectionate soul and he can't help himself" and he is. Just plainly loving people, enjoying people, from deep down inside. That laid-back kind of pleasure in the company of others is charming.

It makes you feel glad to be around, glad to be a part of what makes being together so fun and special.

So for today, I am packing and heading up north to Bangor around 3:30. This is an important Convention as we are in the process of getting a new Bishop. Although I've studied all the paperwork concerning all the resolutions before us, I did not have a chance to attend any of the pre-convention hearings. So this evening, once I am settled in, I will go over the information again. I am glad I am going with other more experienced Delegates.

I'm still undecided about what I will be wearing and I still have to polish my nails.

Maxi has Half Day today for Parent/Teacher conferences.

Merme

OH! I forgot to mention that THIS SUNDAY, after I get back from Bangor, I will have my first formal interview with the Bishop.

It may be a good thing that I will be this busy from now until then so I won't worry myself too much about that!

Merme

Merme - have a wonderful, successful trip!
I hope everything goes very smoothly for you this time!
It certainly sounds like your head is in the right place, and ready to go take on whatever is next in this important journey.

Good luck, my friend!

Just outta curiosity Merme, do they do anything
or team up with Meals~On~Wheels recipients that are shut in??
(Do they have Meals~On~Wheels in your area?????)

Yes, Weezie, Meals-On-Wheels is available in Maine, too.

My church has been a big participant in that program for many years, serving people in the two small towns that are nearby. The people who are involved with it cook and deliver the meals and are very faithful in this.

When I came home from the hospital at Christmas of 03 after the amputation, they signed me up for the meals. Because I'm not 65, there was a fee involved, so my church paid for that as well. I received meals for about seven months.

And Weezie, I can assure you that the Meals were a wonderful help to me. Oh, not just for the simple food they brought that I could manage on most days to eat or save until the next day, but also for the visit! It was nice to have them stopping by and chatting for a bit, cheerful and kind.

And in those days, I couldn't have cooked for myself at all. There were days I couldn't even make a cup of tea in the microwave. So you know those meals were important to me. And when I started to get better, and Maxi began coming home on weekends, they would bring an extra meal for him, too, just in case I couldn't manage to feed him adequately, either.

From a personal point of view I am very glad my church does the Meals program and I'm proud of them whenever I think of all the other shut-ins living in our area.

Merme

Hi everyone ~

Tonight the Bishop gave me a huge writing assignment and I am flipping out about it!

I have no idea even where to begin, what to say, or how to say it.

Oh I could have bitten off more than I can ever chew by undertaking this journey, it seems.



Merme

Merme,
You begin at the beginning of course... sit down have a cuppa and just think a little - it will come to you just how and what to write..... deep breath and calm down.
Nana

THANKS, Nana!

Oh my goodness, I so love it that you ALWAYS know what to say!

Ok, off to make a cuppa and to think. And breathe. Gotta remember the breathing part. Funny how breathing helps!

Merme

Maybe give us the "gist of it" and maybe,
AND I DO MEAN MAYBBBBBBBBE,
We can give you a line or two, or a tip
or pointer or some tid~bit of something..

Or maybe not, but we could try???
Whooooooo knows???

Or does it have to be entirely you and no
help from anyone??????

I am so proud of you, Merme! Hang in there. You will succeed!

Dianna

You will do just fine, Merme dear! You have a wonderful way with words and a very descriptive way of writing. Not only that, but you have all of us here praying for God to guide your hand while writing and we know you will do fine!

Just keep remembering to breathe and everything willl be just fine!!

I agree with Tonya, Merme, you speak so well and the words will flow, keep us posted ok.

Thanks, everyone, for the kindness of your support. It means all the world to me.

Weezie, no one else can help with the actual writing, although a priest can make suggestions as to things I may wish to include and other ordinary people can proofread the final draft for clarity and accuracy.

My biggest difficulty with this particular assignment is the fact that I am a writer. I have years of experience in the craft and work at it with great diligence every day. In any given week I can put on a thousand different faces and write in many voices.

But she has asked me to write in a way that reveals the woman behind the pen. It is an intimate writing style that is required, that takes me out of my "comfort zone". I can't just BE anybody for this project; I have to be ME.

It is a way of inviting her in to take a close look at my heart and where I am in my spiritual journey, sort of like allowing her to listen to my whispered prayers and to see my aspirations and inspirations and real struggles.

She doesn't care at this point whether or not I am a good scholar. She is trying to see my character; what moves me the most; where my strengths and weaknesses are as a person. Part of what she does as my Bishop will be to help me, to give me direction. She has to know my strengths so they are not wasted or overlooked and that I might use them. She has to know where I struggle so that she can help empower me.

She explained quite specifically in September that having troubles or having a difficult past doesn't disqualify a person from continuing in the process, but trying to HIDE the troubles or the secrets and refusing help would.

Sometimes it is hard enough for me to explain my feelings to myself. It can be harder still to explain these delicate matters to my Loved One who knows me so well. Right just now it is feeling impossible to explain these fragile notions about my spirituality to a stranger. And yet, I do trust this dynamic, godly woman to "hear" me once I can find the courage to be as candid as is required.

I'll let you know how it goes. The first draft I spent hours on this morning ended up being totally off topic. At the end, it seemed as though I had invited her in to read a whacky thread from Banter Hall that went miles all over the world and didn't have anything to do with the first post!

I'm going to have to remember Maxi's favorite line to quote from Star Wars: "Stay on target! Stay on target!"

Thanks again for your encouragement.

Merme

Sorry for the double post. I'm really NOT trying to beef up my post count; I just hit the wrong button!

Merme

Last night, I just gave up working on my paper and instead I wrote a wonderful humor piece for my Loved One that he will so enjoy.

I'm hoping that some diversion will help me clarify my thoughts by letting them simmer on the back burner for a while before serving them up nice and hot off the presses.

I'll let you know how that theory goes.

Merme

Hi everyone ~

FINALLY I just completed my efforts on this paper not five minutes ago and emailed it to our Bishop.

Now I will be all a wide-eyed me waiting to hear back. It's sitting-on-pins-and-needles time.

Also, my discernment group has been formed and we will begin work soon. The participants of this particular "Here I Am, Send Me" group are three seekers, all women, and one facilitator who is already ordained, also a woman as it turns out.

There will be six to eight meetings altogether while we listen to one another as we work on the tasks given to us. By the end of the group, there will be a narration written for each participant, explaining the decision that was made. There are three decisions possible at the conclusion of this group's work:

1) Redirection to Lay Ministry
2) Continuing in the process toward Ordination
3) Withdraw for a time of further reflection

You know already that with all my heart I am hoping for Choice #2 at the end of this. If that is the one, then I will move into the second discernment group which will begin after the first of the year.

Merme

I have another writing assignment for the HIA group.

I have to write my SPIRITUAL AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

It is due on November 15th.

I'd rather paint a picture and I'm no artist.

Ouch.

How would YOU go about writing your spiritual autobiography? Where would you even start? What would you say?

Merme

Good question Merme but like the saying goes...start at the beginning...what brought you to god, and i have total faith that the words will flow from you.
Keep us posted ok

I found out today I can write my spiritual autobiography as a Time Line instead of a narrative, thank God!

That will keep me focussed and prevent me from writing Volumes I through CCLXIX.

yipee.

Merme

I also have three essay questions to write:

What is my labor of love?
What is my work of faith?
What is my steadfastness of hope?

I have ideas for each essay and here is what I'm thinking. Weezie, (and anyone else too!) let me know what you think...

I think my "labor of love" is all the ways I've worked with the disenfranchized, the homeless and the needy.

I think my "labor of faith" is all the ways I try to communicate the Good News ... by developing my gifts as a writer and public speaker, as a musician, as a friend. The intense conversations I allow to occur with complete strangers in the most unlikely places in my effort to support them in their difficulties.

I think my "steadfastness of hope" is my perception of how God is with us, in the midst of our circumstances, whether we are aware of His Presence or not. It is a steadfast knowing that He never ever abandons us.

What d'ya think of those ideas?

Merme