A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2005 Grown Daughter Driving me CRAZY---Need Advice

My oldest daughter is driving me crazy, her daughter has been with me for 3 years now and just when I think my daughter is getting her act together, she starts going backwards. I have had a very hard day trying to deal with her.

She is a good person, but never learned how to be responsible. Can anyone relate to this or have advice?

******Steph

Steph, I'm sorry you had such a rough day!

It's hard to offer advice when I don't understand your situation. The best I can say is everyone grows up sometime.

Hi Barley, I know you are right, it just seems like they never will sometimes.

Thanks, Steph

Steph321, are you raising your grandaughter without your daughter's help?

steph, all i know is to pray for you, but i also know there are several members in similar situations... {{{steph}}} consider yourself hugged!

Steph, you have my sympathy. If I had any advice I would have taken it myself years ago. I think it's harder to be a mom to older kids than to younger ones.

Steph, I sympathize with you. I am praying that I don't end up in that same boat with one of my grandchildren now.....

Dianna

Alot of us can relate to you-but without much information it is hard to help you. Sometimes I would wonder who are these kids? Are they aliens?

for me , it's my #2 daughter, she's 20 now and living with my sister, she has a heart of gold but she's having a hard time with money, spending it as fast as she makes it! Some people say she's just a "late bloomer"!

Hey everybody, thanks for all of your incouragement. Here is some more info, it is my oldest daughter and she is a recovering alcoholic and she has been in the AA program for over 3 years now. She finally made it a year without a drink and then about a month ago she fell off the wagon. But yesterday(Thank God) she checked herself in rehab and will probably be out by Sat.


All I can do is pray that she get back on the right path again.

Telling ya'll has really helped me. Thanks

*****Steph

Thank God for loving grandmothers, they are the guardian angels of children.

Steph, My sister is experiencing almost exactly what you're going thru.. Her granddaughter started school this year and she's had her since age 2, a couple of years ago she (my sister) , decided to concentrate on the child and lift her daughter up in prayer, the family support ring was phenomenal but my niece wasn't accepting of support and help, after all she didn't want anyone telling her how to live her life... Just know Steph you are not alone and I wholeheartingly agree with MrsMessy it's harder to be a mother to your adult children, Prayers go out to you, know you're being Blessed taking care of your grandbaby.

Unconditional love....tough love....being a loving parent/grandparent is not always an easy task.

Take it one second at a time Steph....and don't forget time for yourself...you know the Calgon take me away soak.

Kids will dive you nuts. My oldest, in college now, made the dean's list last year and this year she's pregnant.

Suzydaze....oh I pray she is still in school.
Is your daughter living with you?
Have you been asked to help her out while she stays in school after she has the baby?
I personally think the worst thing these kids can do is take more than a semester/quarter off....the return rate over a semester break is greatly reduced I'm afraid.

Even the best of kids from all walks of life unfortunately make CHOICES that are dumb(some are just bound and determined to take the hard road)....but hopefully they will learn from their mistakes and able to get themselves out without a lot of harm.

I personally chose the wrong road but I kept positive about it, learned a big lesson in life and with the help of my parents(unconditional and tough love) and some really tough times I was able to pull myself out of the hole. These lessons shape who you are in the future and for this reason I really wouldn't change a thing I went through because I feel it has made me a better person. Thinking back to where I was headed if I didn't get in the mess I was in would of been an excellent career but you cannot live in the "what if" phase. Accept what has been done....learn from the mistake....keep postive and move on.

Deep conversations with my father(he passed away a few years ago) helped me immensely...I apologized to him(which I think was the hardest thing I ever needed to do in my entire life) and we moved on with the future. But to this day my mother still throws the cr*p back in my face even though I had apologized....this is just the type of person she is....I made a promise to my father to take care of my mother to the end....I wish I had never ever made that promise but I did and hopefully I am learning something through this situation but right now I have no idea what it is... ....so I take it one second at a time, do a lot of praying, and sure hope I don't totally hate my mother by the time this ends. Wow I'm sorry....I guess things needed to flow. :rolleyes:

Praying your kids make the right choices and get back on the right road for them.

catlover, she lives on the college campus and I haven't heard from her since she told me she was pregnant, I told her it's her choice (her dad wants her to get an abortion) I'm anti abortion. But it's her choice and she wants to keep it. I feel like as smart as she is she'll make it even with a baby. I just want her to be happy, when they grow up they have to make their own choices. She's 20 now will be 21 this month.
I'm a keep positive and move on kind of person, what's done is done no need in making some more bad choices on top of this one, I told her too don't get married and mess her school money up. she got a full scholarship to go on and I sure don't want her messing that up by marring this little boy when 9 times out of 10 a marriage like that ends in divorce anyway....you know.

i can second that one... and here's another hug {{{steph}}} for you!

Steph, how is your daughter today? A lady I work with dealt with similar situations for years and finally decided to save herself and her grand daughter she had to go with tough love. She got total guardianship of the child and has seen to it that her own daughter stays away. Sometimes you just have to save yourself.

Suzy, working at a Health Department I see all kinds of crazy things young people do. Even at college age they just never think THEY CAN get pregnant, or an STD, or addicted to drugs or alcohol - they are ALWAYS surprised that it happened. The way our minds work is amazing.

As bad as it seems...be thankful she isn't 14 and pregnant...I am praying she wont take the abortion route Suzy...there are other options! There are plenty of couples that are unable to have children that would give anything to adopt a baby.


Steph, I just want you to know that our children have a mind of their own. They make choices that we don't understand because they were not taught that at home. But it doesn't matter what the home life was...my husband's father has been a pastor for 49 years, my husband grew up in one of the most loving "perfect" homes there could possibly be...yet he became an alcoholic when he was a teen. He has been dry for 11 years now (Thank the Lord!!) noby understood it...how he could come from such a perfect home and do the things he did...he didn't even understand it!

Even though I am "old" I've gone back to school and while I am often discouraged with the lack of responsibility that I see I also see bright spots. Like the students who got pregnant very young and decided to do what was right for their babies and their own future. Those are the ones that have such drive and ambition to make something good out of what could have been a terrible situation that they put the other students to shame.

Belinda it may be a set back but it doesn't have to be a disaster. She may take this opportunity to turn her life around.

Steph,
I hope your daughter is doing better. It might be best to give your daughter a reality check. Do what ever you need to do to give your granddaughter the best life you can and set some groung rules for your daughter. Like she has to be sober for a certian amount of time before she can see her daughter. Do you have custody of the grandaughter? Could you get it? If you do try to get custody of her you could put some restrictions in the deal so that your daughter has to be sober for a certian amount of time to see her daughter. Also, I'm with Best with the tough love. Sometimes that is when young people need.

Kareena

OHMYGAWD! I just read what I wrote! I sound so old!

that's because you are a very responsible, loving young lady!

Thanks! But it is a shock to me when I actually SOUND mature!