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By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119885 July 23rd, 2005 at 01:08 AM
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Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the delayed broadcast of a thrilling Olympic event never before shown on live TV. Stayed tuned to your sets, folks,you are not going to want to miss this!

Here at the forest venue, the crowds have gathered. We have lumberjacks, we have steel mill workers, we have housewives, we have garden enthusiasts, world class athletes all. But look! Here she comes, our representative from California: Catlover herself!

In Area 1, Catlover eyeballs the Liquid Amber (Sweet Gum) tree she must cut down. Folks, each of these trees soars an amazing 500 feet or more into the air far above the athlete's heads. They must climb the tree, rope it off and tackle those limbs before going for the trunk!

She looks serious! She looks determined! She glances to the right and sees the lumberjack. She glances to the left and sees the steel mill man. Will she be intimidated by the trees or her competitors? Or will they be intimadated by this feline's daring do?

The bell has sounded...and they are off! And look at Catlover go! She is scrambling to the top of her monster tree as fast as any pussycat on the loose might! She's to the top! She is roping off! Fast as fast can be, she has her chain saw flying! The branches are falling! She is working her way down! Steady now, steady now, Cat! And there she goes roping and sawing through the next level down!

She never looks away from her work folks and doesn't even know that the other athletes are still making their long climb to the top of their trees! She is leading the entire event, miles ahead of the pack!

Oh no! Did you hear that, folks? Her chain saw is sputtering, it is stalling! oh no! It is stopping! Is this lioness of an athlete eliminated from the round by faulty equipment? NO, she is not, ladies and gentlemen, she has pulled a giant axe out of her tool belt and look at those mighty whacks!

One, two, three! and she has hacked through that grouping of branches as though with a table knife through butter. Listen to her roar! The crowd is on its feet, they are cheering, they are screaming, they can not be controlled as this magnificient woodsman bounds to the ground. Make no mistake, folks, this is no scaredy cat needing rescued from the heights...this is Catlover herself about to make her final approach to tackle that mighty trunk!

And watch her swing that axe! One! and the chips are flying! Two! and the hunks are scattering everywhere! Three! and oh disaster, oh woe, I can't believe this is happening before our very eyes -- the axe head just went sailing off her axe and she has 97 feet of Sweet Gum tree Trunk yet to hack her way through!

What is she going to do, folks, what is she going to do? This CAN'T be the end of thie brilliant career moment, this can't be!

Oh look! Oh look and can you believe it?! She has pulled a NAIL FILE out of her pocket and is gazing at her nails. I see a smile, I see a nod, I see a woman's look of determination that I have never seen before and that's it! She is back at the trunk side and FILING her way through those last mighty feet of trunk!

And the tree falls! The file in her hand is glowing red hot like molten steel and she is grinning from ear to ear! You can smell the burning metal from here.

The crowd is insane for Catlover has taken the GOLD! It is the GOLD! She made mincemeat sawdust of that Liquid Amber tree, mince meat and this crowd knows they've never seen anything like it in their lives!

And the people have lifted Cat up and are CARRYING her to the podium! Listen to the cat-calls and cheers.

As the satisfied Cat stands serenely on the podium waiting for her musical salute to begin, the microphones have picked up an unusual sound not often heeard at these Olympic Games....

....listen...listen....SHE IS PURRING!

Catlover has taken the GOLD and she is PURRRRRING now!

Merme


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119886 July 23rd, 2005 at 01:33 AM
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AWESOME!


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119887 July 23rd, 2005 at 01:42 AM
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Catlover has taken the GOLD and she is PURRRRRING now!
But...wait! shk
A mouse (Jiffy???) has just scampered across the podium...and the Catlover gives chase! laugh


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119888 July 23rd, 2005 at 01:50 AM
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And now, ladies and gentlemen, we are at the XXXth Olympiad Coffeehouse Coffeehouse! That's right, everyone, this Coffeehouse venue has become a venue and tonight for a one-time-only event we bring you the World Class Coffeedrinkers!

Let's watch...

The athletes are seated at their single tables as this is truly an individual event. Some are rubbing their eyes, some seem to be napping, and one was brought in on a stretcher -- looks like they really NEED this competition to wake up!

Oh, and here she is, the crowd pleasing favorite from USDA Planting zone 7b, Missy Arkansas Herself, 4Ruddy! Although she's got a serious gleam in her eye I can't help but wonder just how much coffee this dainty Vanessa really expects to guzzle in the time allowed? She is only about a thimbleful sized woman, doesn't look like she'll hold much, but oh her competitive stats prove otherwise.

And here the waiters come! Lattes on the right! Cuppachinos on the left! Folgers! Maxwell House! Instant and Decaf!

This is unbelievable, folks! Vanessa has finished her first gallon of Chase & Sanborn with cream and is already pouring gallon number two of Eight O'Clock! The other athletes seem to be taking their time, blowing across the tops of their mugs, a sip here and a yawn there, but not 4Ruddy! She is slamming those drinks home!

And what's this? She's saying the waiters aren't fast enough? She is running to the bags of coffee beans stacked to the side! She has ripped one open and is grinding the beans with her teeth, ladies and gentlemen, with her teeth!

While the new batch is brewing, she is back at her table, Gallon 3, a sweet Sugar Plum blend going down the hatch! Now working madly on Gallon 4, a strong Turkish blend she has added one pound of sugar to, she sees a journalist struggling to type up the story. Oh look at this, folks, look at this! With FOUR GALLONS of coffee in her, our petite athlete has rushed over and is typing the copy with her toes...99 words a minute, folks, 99 words a minute!

And now dashing back to her table just as Gallon 5 arrives she doesn't even bother with the mug. The crowd is screaming "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" as she lifts the jug bigger than herself and chug-a-lugs that hot brew of Breakfast Blend. Just now, the other athletes have finally woken up and are aware of what this tiny lass has accomplished and they are slamming one mug after another vainly trying to catch up!

Will they ever do it? How CAN they hope to outdrink our Coffeehouse favorite as she is now working on Gallon Ten? Is she afraid? Is she sweating? NO, folks! She is Perculating!

And that's it! Our 4Ruddy as done it! 12 Gallons of Coffee in 10 minutes flat and she has won the GOLD! It's GOLD for Vanessa! GOLD!

Speeding to the podium to take her 9,000th bow, she races to the top, and what's this? She is licking the cup! And the crowd roars in approval!

Go 'Nessa, Go 'Nessa! It's your victory, it's your party! Go 'Nessa!

Merme


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119889 July 23rd, 2005 at 02:05 AM
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How CAN they hope to outdrink our Coffeehouse favorite as she is now working on Gallon Ten? Is she afraid? Is she sweating? NO, folks! She is...
.....PEEING HER PANTS! ! ! ! ! ! !

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(me, too!)


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119890 July 23rd, 2005 at 02:37 AM
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OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCES!!!!!!

By two of our most adored forum members. What amazing feats of victory!
Congatulations to Catlover & 4Ruddy for jobs well done!!!

And SPECIAL Thanks to our very talented comentator Merme for the most vivid account of sporting events ever!!

Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119891 July 23rd, 2005 at 03:07 AM
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And SPECIAL Thanks to our very talented comentator Merme for the most vivid account of sporting events ever!!
I second that! muggs

gee... nutz
...been waitin' for Mr. Bill's olympic moment! laugh lala


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119892 July 23rd, 2005 at 03:39 AM
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Do we REALLY want to go there???? lala lala

Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119893 July 23rd, 2005 at 03:44 AM
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Just give me a few minutes to THINK, guys, and I'm sure Mr. Bill will be appearing in something!

Merme


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119894 July 23rd, 2005 at 03:50 AM
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Do we REALLY want to go there????
Well, hell yes!!! laugh

...you know how long it's been since I bothered Bill?
Has to be a new world record.
laugh

The time has come.....
...and I found out it's Friday! grinnnn


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119895 July 23rd, 2005 at 04:56 AM
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Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome back to the XXXth Olympiad Special Event Series. Competing in tonight's event are the top athletes from around the world -- Gardeners, if you please.

Gathered here alongside millions and millions of acres of land plowed specially for this venue, we see the furrows stretching farther than the eye can reach. And everyone in the crowd is asking "HOW will they get it all planted? IS this even possible?"

The athletes are taking their places, seed bags over their shoulders. I see many a face lined with wisdom and sunshine under those gardening caps and we are guaranteed to have a spectacular show tonight!

Oh and look, there he is! Bill! Making a rare appearance out of The Hollow Log at Cedar Hill, with his faithful companion Shadow at his side. Oh he looks ready, folks, he looks ready! A master gardener of all master gardeners -- a true Olympian before ever stepping foot in the arena...

It's the opening shot and they are off! See these gardeners scrambling down the furrows, laying seed after seed after seed and still more seeds to go!

And look at Bill, everyone, look at 'im go! He's planted Cosmos, he's planted Periwinkle, he's planted 4 O'Clocks...two acres behind him and he still isn't stopping!

Legend has it that he's a wood chopping man, folks, and I'm guessing that all those cords he's split at Cedar Hill have done his shoulders well for he's OFF! Starting acre 5, he's laying down the LadySlippers and now the Zinnias and oh, can you believe it? He's heading for acre 9 with a monster sack of "Cuphea ignea" seeds!

What a show, folks, what a show!

And here he is, tossing the empty sack of "Corydalis lutea" and digging right into the sack of "Dracunculus vulgaris" otherwise known as Dragon lily!

There is no stopping him...20 acres down and 30 to go and he is still bent over, laying seeds, running at the speed of light, it seems!

Bill is a famous shutter bug in his spare time and I'm thinking as I watch this amazing display of seed planting dexterity, that all those hours of snapping photographs have given him extraordinary speed with those fingers!

5 acres of "Capsicum annuum" or Ornamental peppers behind him now and what's this? Oh how can this be possible? CROWS! CROWS are coming to pull up his seeds! Whatever is he going to do?

The crowd is screaming, the fans are tense! What's this? He is pulling out the biggest thermos I have EVER seen and is pouring himself a Margarita!

And the crowd rrrrroooooaaaaarrrrsssss as he does his Margarita Dance, a frightening Tango scaring all those crows away!

So he's back on track now, going even faster, laying down one acre after another with every seed known to man and nothing or no one can stop him now and it's GOLD! Bill has taken the GOLD!

Making his exhausted way to the podium, Bill is surrounded by well-wishers offering him every conceivable gift that would turn any man's head. But not this Bill. This Bill humbly takes the high step on the podium and softly says "Hold your applause and thank you very much, but um, could SOMEBODY throw a steak on that grill over there? Me 'n my Shadow could use a bite!"

And the crowd goes wild with enthusiasm for this master gardener of gardeners, the Legendary Man of Mystery from Cedar Hill who has won Olympic Gold tonight!

Merme


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119896 July 23rd, 2005 at 05:13 AM
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laugh laugh laugh
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Thank you, Merme...

That's our guru!


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119897 July 23rd, 2005 at 06:04 AM
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Mr. Bill, sir?

All I wanna say is....

Afgrey made me do it! Afgrey made me do it!

kissies

Merme


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119898 July 23rd, 2005 at 06:08 AM
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You are probably wondering just how she managed to twist my arm while SHE is in KY and I am in ME? Am not really too sure about that,
laugh


Bill is fine thumbup ...he's a real person just like us.

He likes to laugh sometimes, too!


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119899 July 23rd, 2005 at 06:09 AM
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clp clp clp clp clp

bravo Merme.


luv Shari


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119900 July 23rd, 2005 at 06:10 AM
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I thought SURE she would say:

Merme Made Me! Merme Made Me!

That's what our house always sounded like when we were all still at home....

laugh laugh laugh

Merme


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119901 July 23rd, 2005 at 06:12 AM
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Afgrey made me do it!
laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119902 July 23rd, 2005 at 06:15 AM
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I thought SURE she would say:

Merme Made Me! Merme Made Me!
Heck, no!
I'm the Problem Child! thumbup
I take responsibility for ALL...and love it!
laugh laugh laugh


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119903 July 23rd, 2005 at 07:23 AM
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Ladies and Gentlemen, due to technical difficulties, we could not bring you the live broadcast of an event mentioned earlier. Please stayed tuned for our show, which was previously recorded....

...and now, LIVE from the Shopping Mecca of America, we bring you the XXXth Olympiad Shopping Event in which only the top athletes well trained and proven in their sport get to compete tonight.

The shoppers are approaching the gates, their carts at the ready, credit cards in their pockets for the Judges to see. Some apparently, have shopping lists. The crowd is quiet as the athletes enter the field.

And here she is, ladies and gentlemen, from beautiful western Maryland, shopper extraordinaire, loz! Oh, look at the fans waving the flags for her as she walks up to her gate.

Starting in lane 12, loz looks calm; her gaze is steady on the aisles and aisles before her. This unflappable lady doesn't look tough enough to be in shopping competition but don't let her slender appearance fool you! Legend has it that she is masterful on Black Friday, folks, so we're hoping she can hold her own when the snarling and fueding begins over the bargain racks.

The bell has sounded and they're off! Running down the aisles, looking over items and price tags, trying to find the best deals for the best values, what a sight! Oh, what a sight!

And there's loz, coming around the corner of aisle three, leader of the pack! She's got shoes, she's got clothes, she's got jewelry, she's got auto parts and now she is heading for food!

And there she goes, cleaning up in the meat department, grabbing every precious cut of meat she can that is the best price per pound and now she is...she is heading for dairy! Can you believe this spunky little gal?! Pushing her cart right up to the display cases and if she can't get her cart there, she hangs onto it with one hand and strrrrr-eeee-tttccches to the merchandize with her other hand! She knows she will take no penalty as long as she keeps one body part on the cart!

Oh no! loz seems lost in the crowd! There are too many shoppers pushing and shoving! Where is she? Oh, where is she? Has she been stampeded? Has she been trampled? Has she been separated from her cart?

Wait! Oh look everybody! THERE she is, there she IS, ladies and gentlemen! She ducked around down behind the advancing hordes of shoppers and ran her cart around the rear coming up in back of the Clearance Aisles!

And it is a go, folks, it is a go! loz has found the hidden treasure and no-one can stop her now. Eyes targeting every best bargain in the place, hands gripping the item, little feet so steady and true, she is going for the gold tonight, she is going to the gold. Only a little bit more now and she can make her final sprint to Check Out!

What's this? What's this? Other shoppers in an incredible display of bad sportsmanship have taken hold of items clearly in loz's hands and are struggling with her for it! Oh woe! Oh is this the agony of defeat? How will she get back what is so rightfully hers to add to her cart without damaging the merchandize?

What a lady! What a lady! loz did it! That sweet, huge smile and that determined twist of her wrist and she has secured her purchase and deftly landed it in her cart!

And she's coming down the home stretch, in the last wild dash to Check Out, little Missy Redhead loz is in the front!

She's up the the lanes now, she's throwing her sale items on the conveyer; the cashier is ringing and ringing...we can hardly see little loz under the mound of stuff she is buying and she's done it! loz has won the GOLD!

She's bought 20,000 items valued at 3 million dollars for a mere $1.75.

How DID she do it, folks, how DID she do it?!

Breathing hard but giving us a ravishing grin from the thrill of victory, loz gives credit to her sponsors and supporters and explains her lifetime of training. Let's listen in as this champion begins to climb the podium...

"....well, thanks, everyone, but I've had LOTS of practice!"

And the crowd cheers and the fans go wild and no one can stop this enthusiasm as the people rush the podium in adoration!

loz has taken the GOLD!

Merme


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119904 July 23rd, 2005 at 08:39 AM
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What a lady! loz did it! That sweet, huge smile and that determined twist of her wrist
I LOVE IT!


That's LOZ!!! thumbup laugh laugh laugh


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119905 July 23rd, 2005 at 08:55 AM
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grinnnn Very cool.

Very much Ms. Loz.

I wish you lived next to me,Loz.I hate shopping.

Weird huh???..I'm a female nutz .....I'd rather pull weeds.


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119906 July 23rd, 2005 at 08:59 AM
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Oh Merme, I just loved reading them all!!!!!! laugh You are so talented and creative....it amazes me, but it shouldn't--you are an amazing person.... kissies I'm going to print that off and show it to my friends and family---My gold medal moment fits me perfectly and they'll all get a laugh at it and say, yep...that's you!!!

I'm sure Bill got a kick out of his.... thumbup

Can't wait to read the next gold medal winning moment!

Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119907 July 23rd, 2005 at 09:01 AM
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I wish you lived next to me,Loz.I hate shopping.
NO! I want loz next to ME!

You can't possibly hate shopping more than me, Duckie!!!!!

I would rather go without toilet paper than go to Wal-Mart! laugh
(I keep ample supplies of Kleenex for this occasion!) laugh


*


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*


*

...and when I run out of Kleenex, it's coffee filters!!!


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Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119908 July 23rd, 2005 at 09:04 AM
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Cindy...you know you COULD always shop online and have all that stuff just sent to you--that way you'd never have to leave to go in wallyworld...LOL

You know as much as I love shopping I absolutely hate it when it's crowded......Seriously hate it....Claustrophobic Loz signing off....

Re: By Special Request: A Delayed Olympic Broadcast
#119909 July 23rd, 2005 at 09:04 AM
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Oh yes, I take my shopping seriously folks.
laugh laugh laugh


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