A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2005 Advice to give my best friend?

She has been going out with this guy off and on for almost 2 years. He's awful to her most of the time but sweet sometimes. It doesn't help that he hates me and I kind of hate him back. But he always breaks up with my friend then gets her back. I ask her why she takes it and she says she loves him. He calls her fat (she's gorgeous!) He calls her words I won't repeat. I know if this goes on she'll end up marrying him and be stuck for life... and I'm afraid his abuse will be more than verbal. I hear he bought her a 200 dollar ring (they just got back together after 2 weeks again) I saw how much better off she was with out him. She can do so much better and deserves better. I'm afraid she will end up very badly hurt. I won't be around next year to try and help her. I'm worried. What can I say to make her realize she can do better and he's only trying to bring her down?

Wow, you're definitely stuck in a hard place between Ms. Bestthingthat'lleverhappentohim and Mr. Meanie.

With best friends it is so hard because if you say anything bad about him and they stay together you'll look like you are a troublemaker. If you keep your mouth shut and let this one run it's course she could be hurt bad and you'll wish you had done more. I've been in this situation and unfortunately there is no easy answer. My best friend swears she'll listen to me next time but this is after 3 bad relationships. Just be supportive of her and listen and maybe suggest some couples counseling, I know of a crazy bird lady that offers counseling sometimes.............

GIRL you know you can't tell anyone, anything when they THINK they love some one and BELIEVE it being recipricated/ Bad thing about verbal/emotion/psycholigical abuse you begin to believe what the abuser says... IS... You begin to believe you're not worthy of anything better and noone can tell you that you are.. Typical sign of an abused woman.. But Don't stop telling her,, Again and again,,, Plz! I was abused like that for 15 yrs, with a friend telling me for 15 years but she stuck by me even when I cussed her out to stay out of my relationships after ALL I knew what I was Doing She moved away a few months later I visited her went back to the abuser visited her again a yr later and stayed with her got a job and never went back not even for clothes, pictures ,,, nothing.. lost alot of material things; but gained a New Life, A New Me, Don't Give up, let her get mad at you it's okay it's just denial raging, diamonds, money, new cars, sail boats, was not worth giving ME up to an abuser.. Reminder her who she was before him, how she'd never tolerate that crap, that it's not love,, it's a mind trapped way of thinking.. I know that sounds harsh to say; it's even harder to hear.. but we women MUST Help our Girlfriend recognize abuse there is NO small/ or minimal abuse... abuse is abuse no matter how you slice it, If you're not being treated like a Queen lavished with kind words and deeds, and if your family doesn't feel the mutual respect for each other when they are around you then something is saddly wrong.. Your Friend's boyfriend doesn't like you because you recognize him for the Jerk that he is, Not so much for what you my say to your friend, But He knows you know him for his true stripes!!
Wheww Lord! Let me get off this soap box! Sorry I just get so Pi$#^$^D when I hear of men demeaning their woman and turn around and buy them something Like That can Heal a Bruised heart

Great advice Angelblossom!!!

I was in the same situation for a year and I really feel like until I was ready there was nothing my friends could've said to make me leave him--nothing....I just sort of got angry at them at the time for trying to break things up with me, and the person I thought was the love of my life. They were there to pick up the pieces like best friends do....Only months AFTER I got out of the relationship could I look back and see it for the horrible thing it was....When you are in the relationship you rationalize things in your mind after a while like the one day we were walking down the street and a guy looked at me and my boyfriend was threatening to beat him up......for glancing at me!!! But I thought, wow, he really loves me and wants me just for himself, isn't it cute that he's jealous....then he'd start to tell my friends that I was in the shower when they called, and I thought wow, he really wants to spend all of his time with me, isn't it great....

So until the mind becomes unclouded by the abuse it's hard to see things the way an outsider views the relationship. If you let her know how you feel be prepared in case there is some resentment there...eventually she will realize that you are only trying to help her out, and she'll love you for it.

So Very True Loz

Thanks for your help. I wish she would listen. She seems really happy with him sometimes... I just know its not good for her. It really scares me that I won't be around next year. I know what her boyfriend does. Whenever he sees she's moving on and starting to like other guys he wants her back. Someone as pretty as my best friend doens't deserve to be treated to ugly.

People that aren't as attractive (which doesn't matter anyway, looks are important) do not deserve to be treated bad either.

That's a good point Christina....