The following is an excerpt from my script for this weekends show. I thought if anyone in here was going to be thinking of giving a
plant as a gift and also lives among the climatlicly challanged as I do here in Wisconsin, may find it of some help. If not read it anyway, My listeners always geta kick out of thiseach season, so hopfully you will too.
Have a Merry Christmas
Mike aka The
plant Doc
Over the next few weeks we will be touching on everything from mistletoe to Christmas Cacti, but I figured we would start out with talking about the idea of giving
plants as Christmas gifts.
Personally I like putting a lot of thought when I select a gift for someone; I want to give that special person something, which I know that they will enjoy.
While
plants do make wonderful gifts, a little bit of forethought is needed to ensure the survival of the
plant.
Okay let's think about it for a second. You are going out to do your Christmas shopping;
You have one of your 2.5 kids with you since you love your spouse so much and didn't want to stick them with dealing with all the little urchins, I mean lovable but sometimes slightly unmanageable children.
You get to the 1st store and it 9 am and about 15* as you run in holding the child's hood over their little head to keep them warm.
You walk into the store and right there at the doorway is a large selection of the most beautiful
plants you have ever seen! Your 1st thought is how much your Aunt Gracie would love one of these, so you pick it up and put it in your cart. Okay that would be your 1st mistake.
NEVER buy a
plant that is sitting within 20 feet of the door! This area is plagued by cold drafts and since it is the coldest spot in the store, they usually have heaters blasting down full force at that spot just to keep the cashiers fingers from developing frostbite! This area is not really the best climate for a
plant, especially one that you want to live and flourish for a long time.
Instead, go back to those
plants that are in the rear or side of the store by their
green house.
Okay, assuming you have done this and selected a wonderful specimen of Dieffenbachia, you stick it in the cart with the brat, I mean child, and continue shopping. Now, you are going thru the sock section now looking for something meaningful for your brother, and you notice the child is eating the
plant. Don't worry, the neurotoxins that are in the dieffenbachia are only temporary, and your child should regain his or her voice back in a couple of days, and long as the child didn't eat too much of it.
The moral here is always being careful of what you are buying. If the person receiving the
plant has some little kids you may want to make certain that the
plant is not poisonous in any way.
You proceed to the check out and now your child is screaming or at least trying to ( a lot of mouth movement but nothing is coming out) that you did not buy them anything, so you bribe the kid as long as they are good you will take them to Mc Donald's for lunch. This immediately calms the child down; since they do not realize that you are hungry too and were going to stop there anyway!
Of course you tell the cashier to place the
plant inside a bag and staple it shut to keep the frost winds from damaging the tender leaves.
It is now 12 noon and the temp has not gone up all that much. And out you go back to your SUV which since you own a white Durango and there are at least 50 of them identical to the one you are driving in the mall parking lot, you wonder around seemingly aimlessly looking for your car. Holding you keys high in the air and clicking on the lock button hoping your car will respond with that welcoming BEEP BEEP BEEP!
You finally find your car and get your child into the car seat put your packages in the back and get in to warm up the vehicle. You then look in the rear view mirror and notice little Bobby whose eyelids have cute little icicles
hanging from them since you forgot to cover their his head with the hood again.
Okay its now off to Mickey D's, you debate eating in the truck, but you quickly remember how hard it was to scrape the cheeseburger from the inside of the window the last time, so you grab up Bobby and run inside.
You sit in there for about 45 minutes eating and watching Bobby run and frolic and run amuck with all the other little ahhhhh, "children" in the playground.
You get back out to your truck and get the kid in and you see your breath as it frosts up the windshield from the inside.
Well that is okay you tell yourself, as now you know you have a long drive to your next stop. The car warms up nicely and you reach the next store and run on in.
You get about 30 feet inside the store and stop, you have this little nagging question in the back of your headyou know you forgot something! What the heck is it? OH #@$%! It was Bobby who fell asleep in his car seat. You run back out again you look in and let go of a sigh of relief, He is still sleeping, and won't tell anyone you left em out in the car. You open the door and the cold air entering the car awakens him. You grab him by the arm and say, "Come on!" and drag him to the next store, this goes on and on for the rest of the day and you return home and decide to leave the gifts in the car until the rest of the kids go to bed so they don't go seeing them.
You get the kiddies into bed then go out and get the gifts.WOW this
plant seems pretty cold you think as some of the leaves shatter and you brush it against the back door while juggling the rest of your packages. You get everything inside and put away. You even think to un-wrap the
plant and give it a nice drink of water before passing out from exhaustion. The next Saturday morning you are sitting drinking your coffee and listening to Dan's Deals waiting for the
plant Doctor Show to start because your wonderful
plant has turned this really weird shade of yellow and looks kinda mushy, and you want to call in and find out if there is any way of bringing your well meaning gift back to life.
1st thing always put off purchasing a
plant until the end of the day. Go ahead and make a mental note if you see something that looks good and go back and get it.
Secondly: It is not a great idea to shop for
plants and have kids with you at the same time. It really does add a bunch of uncontrollable variables into the mix.
Third: Either try to do you're shopping for
plants on a day when the temps have warmed up, or go with another adult so you can leave them in the store with the
plant and go warm up your vehicle, and drive up to the entrance way to ensure a quick transition from the store to your car.
Lastly: When going out on Christmas Day and visiting your friends and family plan on anyone getting a
plant to be the 1st stop, so the
plant will not be in the cold car all day long or dragged in and out thru out the day.
Just by keeping these few things in mind will enable you to give a gift that will live for a long time and provide memories of a wonderful holiday to those who received it!
It sounds like you'll have a cute show this weekend... wish your radio waves stretched clear over here to the 
