A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2006 Don't know if this is allowed b/c of religion but I need to talk

hi everybody. my brother and I just had a conversation (more like and argument) about him not wanting to go to church anymore with me. I know it might not seem like such a big deal but I started bawling my eyes out. he said that he just isn't "feeling" it. I guess he's just confused and just doesn't believe in God. I don't know really what he's saying. he says it's hard to explain and I'm really confused. I don't know if he was ever truly saved, I very highly doubt it. but whenever our preacher would ask everybody what they were thankful for like at christmas and thanksgiving people would stand up and say what they were thankful for and my brother would always say he was thankful for his salvation. I asked him if he really had salvation and if he knew what it was and he said he didn't. and he didn't know what salvation meant. I had to tell him and I told him that when services were going on it seemed like he wasn't ever interested. he said he wasn't really and that he had a hard time understanding what the preacher was preaching about. I told him that you really have to listen and pay attention to what the preacher is saying and then you'll catch on. so I guess after all this my brother isn't going to be going to church with me for awhile. me and everybody else will miss him greatly. I told him that my main new year's resolution was to have a little bible study almost everyday where me and him would sit down and read and try to understand the bible more together and I asked him if we could do that and he said that he wasn't really interested in doing that. so I told him that I guessed I'd have to do it by myself. can everybody please do me a favor and please pray for him? there's been alot of stress in our family lately and I'm really really worried about my brother. I hope it was ok to post this here. I know that bill doesn't really like to have anything debateable on here and religion can get pretty debateable, so if anybody see's the need to delete this go ahead. thanks everybody for reading this. I'm sorry to write something so depressing but I just didn't have anybody else to talk to. I tried talking to my mom but she doesn't understand and neither her nor my dad are religious people at all. I just feel like I'm all alone

how old is your brother? and does he live with you?

Missjamie from time to time people tend to doubt what they have always known and have to step back and look at everything and try to get a handle on things. I know I did for a while several years back but then it comes to you and hits you like a sledge hammer. Hope it dowes your brother. I am sending prayers for you and him.
Jimmy

JV is right (as usual). People occasionally step back and take a break from things, even religion. If he thought he was saved one time he probably is. He's just thinking about things and having a confusing time. Give him some space about this, while praying for him, and see what happens.

I agree jamie, you do need to give him his space all the while letting him know you are always there for him to talk to. If others at church are going to miss him, encourage them to let him know that as well. If you are not the one to explain to him, maybe someone else will be. I will be praying for him. And for you during this time where you are walking His road and feel so alone cuz you are the only one in your family. Hold true to your faith, that is a testament for those around yout o see.

thank you so much ya'll. as usual you're right...I need to give him his space. but I want to preach to him soooo bad and tell him why I think this is all real. sheri, he is 17 and yes he lives with me. me and him live at home with our parents. thank ya'll so much for being here. I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for my forum friends. I think I probably would've went crazy (well crazIER than I already am!) thanks again....I love ya'll!

Miss Jamie..your brother is at an age that there is no way for you to understand...(until you have children of your own)
He is at the stage that ALL males go through...that becoming a responsible adult vs the little boy..it is a VERY difficult stage for some young men..they are trying to "break" ties and yet at the same time hold on tightly to them. This is the time that he will need to "discover" life situations for his self...and he will have to do it on his own...or with the help of a male mentor.
Hold on to this thought...YOU know how your brother has been raised...and even if he does appear to you as not understanding the gift of salvation...you don't know that for sure....AND...the seeds HAVE been planted and will not return void. He may learn differently than you...it may take a differnt church or atmosphere for it to "click" with him. So...as the others have said...give him some space..be there when he "needs" you to be..but do not push. You have no idea the condition of his heart..no matter how he may react at church...he needs to have some "growing" time to decide what he believes and why he believes that. So, although it is a difficult time for you...it may be a very important growing time for him. Continue to pray for him...and we will continue to pray for you both as you go through this change.

~V~

Don't worry about wondering about if you put this in the right spot or if you can..
This board is here when you're going thru things like this...I know many would also like to help you thru things...so, don't wonder or worry about it.....we're all here for you!!!!

Sometimes people go thru phases and journey's in their lives.. and your brother seems to be on one.

But also, this may be a journey for you.....
You may worry about your brother... but remember
GOD will be with him, along his path...and he
must find his own way..*mistakes and all*
and like I said, it may be a journey for you as well, to remain faithful to the LORD and all you've learned and believed....to come your brother come out on the otherside of his journey, and you seeing and still believing and with a deeper faith in all HE CAN DO...

I've been thru many things myself...
and the wonderment of it all when I've been on one side and then down on the other side of it...
that I've made it thru and I look back at getting thru...
And I know that GOD is the one that got me thru it all...

Hey Jamie,

Gods timing is impecable(sp). I was just told by my bishop to share our books with others. And the people who go around and talk to people are young men from the church. Just slightly older than your brother. I'll send you one of the books that you can give him and put a phone number on the front fly that he can call if he is so inclined. These guys can relate one on one with what he is going through.

Miss J - in the end we are only responsible for the decision that we ourselves make to accept Christ and then live a life worthy of the calling... you can't save your brother and that may break your heart the same way those of us who have watched our children walk away from the Lord have had our hearts broken - the witness of your life may be the closest to the Gospel that your brother comes for a while. Your steadfastness will speak louder than any sermon.

Lots of people find the Bible hard to understand or just uninteresting and this may be a time to turn to something different. The C.S. Lewis book "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" is an allegory written to explain Christ to children. Lots of kids like to see a movie and then read the book and this is an easy read. If he likes something more challenging he might be interested in Lee Strobels "The Case for Christ" or "The Case for Faith". If he is really smart and likes a good challenge "Mere Christianity" by CS Lewis has been known to lead a few folks to Christ. "The Message" is a great modern translation of the Bible that reads like a novel and is very easy to understand.

I will be praying for you. It is very hard to watch someone you love lose interest or turn their back on the Lord, but that early teaching will never leave him even if it takes years for him to come back.

I come from the opposite side. I am Wicca or Pagan to those who do not know what Wicca is. Everybody has to find their own path/belief in life. While I know that you are trying to help him-preaching just might drive him away. I imagine that he was brought up with the right morals just like you. He will find his own way and his own belief but preaching or hounding him will surly make him dig his heels in no matter what you want for him. It is his life-just be there for him.

jamie,

they re right,of course i m gonna pray for you bro. but ,and don t get me wrong i have faith also,i m also gonna pray for you so you keep your faith,i heve no doubt you will,but also so you don t go too far as to think that the material thing of religion(church,bible etc...) are the only importance in it.your faith is what is the matter,don t let bible course and everything like that take you over.i mean go to church,read bible(wich by the way is very interesting and alot of people should rediscover),but also allow you the freedom to plant a new flower(ideas) in your religion.

are your parents married,so you see,they are religious but in their own wayt,that what your brother is experiencing maybe,searching of the soul is frequent in kids around that age,the mear fact that he opened up to you is because he wants someone to SLOWLY help him understant it all.

i don t know if by answering that i ve made an ennemi ,that was not my intention but i m straightforward and wanted to be honest;if i offended you i truly apologize.

francine

god (any god) planted a tree for each of us,hoping one of these days we d choose the right branch.


ste- franny of the crazy

Hi Jamie, Hi all.

Francine - I don't think you gotta worry about making enemies simply for having a different faith from what others have expressed here (smile). We all need to go down the path of life, and hold on. The Lord has given us the blessing in that way.

Jamie - there's been a lot of good advice given out here. The one thing I'd like to add is that generally it is not family members that are most influential for Christ in the short run. Sometimes, we get lucky and we can lead a family member to Christ - but especially at your brother's age - it will be other teens or early 20s that will have the stronger impact.

Can I say when your brother will find his faith? No, sorry. But I can share that when my sister was 15 or 16 she prayed and asked Christ into her heart - then she seemed to walk away from it. Today - at 45 she is active in church. She has watched me as I've dealt with things over the years - - some I've really botched, some were great - - but through it all, I had to be the torch bearer so to speak (what with being the minister in the family).

The best advice - as you've been given - give your brother space to grow - don't push the Lord on him - but always allow Christ to shine through your actions - not so much your words. You be the best Christian you know how to be.

Praying for you and your brother

Jon

jamie,

listen to jon,what he s telling you is really nice,and he s right.we all just want to help ,after all we re gardners and religion is a flower that expand with the care we gave it.

jon***thank you very much for your words.being french,there is something i think i understood but just got to ask,are you a minister also with all the things you are doing for the army,correct me if i m wrong or if i don t sound that clear.

hi there everybody and thanks so much for the help. my brother told me last night that he was just mad and had been having a bad day and that although he's been having trouble understanding and is still confused but he's trying to learn and he even asked me to help him! thank you so much for all the help everybody! I don't know what I'd do without ya'll.
I actually have that book and it is a VERY good book. It has helped me ALOT to understand the Bible more. I love you guys!