A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2005 thanks alot

it takes awhile..
it's nice to know you care
the thing about chronic illness and a surgery gone bad is mostly those closest do not realize what it is like and i am happy they don't have to-- but- i find they would rather not know or hear about it, that in itself gets lonely...sometimes i just don't know how to feel about that

Sorry about your health troubles...

I understand. I have a chronic illness too. And chronic pain. And you are right, they don't want to know. They want you the way you used to be, and don't understand when you can't do what you used to.

I care very much Cindy Lou.

Talk to us if you want to.If nothing else, it might help your sense of mental well being.


your friend,
Shari/duckie

Yes, I meant to say that too. Come here and and we will listen...

Play in the Games, it helps take my mind off of things.

Well, I know what it's like, unfortunately.


Cindy

cindy lou... i do understand the not wanting to talk, but sometimes feeling so alone because that is the only thing on your mind. so... you will always have an ear here! cindy faye, you too!

and the rest of you. if ya'll knew how much solace this place brings me some days...

Oh yeah,

...surgery gone bad. I stopped talking about it years ago. Even bosses that got tax credits didn't want to know. Or make allowances when the doctor visits were way to often.

I'll listen. Know what it's like when noone does. Or listens and then just walks away because they don't know what to say or do.

I am guilty. My husband has a muscle disease called polymyositis. He is in constant pain and takes a bucket load of medicine that sometimes makes him wierd. I do want him to be the way he was and I do get sick of hearing him talk about his pain. I get embarrassed too because he will start up a conversation with strangers at restaurants or waiting to see a movie about his disease or his pain. I can tell the people wonder why this stranger is rambling on like a crazy person. It makes me cry to say that I am this way, but I am. I try to be encouraging and uplifting but sometimes I just want him to shut up. I have been married before and my previous husband talked constantly. One of the first things that attracted me to Johnny is that he was quiet. Now, either because of his medicine or because of his pain, he talks non stop. He's talking while I'm writing this - he is always talking.

I suppose that part of it is a need for answers. How to survive in these circumstances was alot of it for me. My mobility was affected and it drove me crazy. I couldn't hop up in the morning and go all day long anymore. And I needed those closest to me to tell me it was ok. And work with me to develop a schedule that would get what was really important done. I needed frequent reasurance that I wasn't alone in life the way I was with the disability. But then I have always been a chatterbox. I needed to know that I wasn't a burden. But, I'm alone now ... so we know how that worked out.

adirondack, feel free to talk to me anytime. I don't even discuss my health problems anymore. I know everyone around me is sick of hearing it, so I do what I can and when I don't feel well, I disguise it. I know how it feels to not have someone just to listen. Sometimes I wish everyone could experience what I go through, but then again, I am so glad they don't.

Dianna

There are enough people on here that are dealing with physical difficulties that all of us are MORE than happy to lend an ear....we know that we will need the same at one time or another...give & take....that's what friends are for

Sheri,

Sorry about your husband...

Don't know what to tell you, but we can all listen well here. I have noticed that. Maybe it is because we have some measure of suffering or pain, .

I have a disease where the blood flow is contricted (vasospasms), when the joints don't get normal blood flow, well, that causes the pain. And sometimes I get lightheaded and occasionally have really bad headaches. (the contriction again) Cold and stress make it worse. I also tire easily. So I take a lot of breaks in my day. My hands, sometimes they hurt so bad, I can't even describe it. What really is the most unfair is that it shows up in women in their 20s and 30s. I still gently exercise, there is a fine line between doing enough and too much. I am active, and I will stay active. That is what I keep telling myself.

I can tell you that I avoid drugs, I hate them. I take one prescription, and even that for me, is a lot. And I am giving it 3 months. The pain meds... I tell myself every day not to take them. And most of the time, I don't. I don't want to feel "weird", I would rather have the pain. But that is just me. I do know that every time I start to feel sorry for myself for having these problems, there is someone worse off than me, and so I try not to complain.

The thing is, I have gone the other way. In my life, I have grown much quieter... It is easier than way. I pretend a lot, I guess, for the sake of those around me... I don't talk about it. But I do feel alone, even when surrounded by people...


There is more to it, but I don't want to hijack this thread. None of us really know what another is going through, we are not in their shoes.

to Everyone~

yes,
there is much love here
all; thank you for being you...

This is heart breaking for everyone. Nobody wants to be sick and have their lives changed and it's difficult for their loved ones. I feel so guilty when I feel like I did last night when I posted but my job is very stressful and sometimes when I come home I just want quiet. But keep in mind that just like I love my husband your family loves you.

Like Jiffymouse, I believe this forum brings much solace and I too am grateful for it.

Thanks, Bill, for making this lovely community for us all. Thanks everyone else for making this community such a safe place to be...

Merme

I have been on both sides of the health issue. Last time I broke my back and after two failed spine Surgeries the Dr's said I would never walk again. My darling little wife 5'2" would have to pick me up and move me into bed etc. she held me up and taught me to walk again. Thanks to her I walk and work although I am now retired.
Then she had diabetis which destroyed her organs. sh ewent blind with diabetic MD. and the diabetis finaly stopped her heart for good. WE used to talk about all we had been through in our 30 year marriage that is how we both got through it. We knew and respected how each other felt. Then when Dr. told us my Billie would not live out the year and there was nothing any one could do but pray which we did all the time. Two months later she passed away after spending time in hospital taking IV's to stimulate her heart she passed awy 26 hours after I got her home. All we did was talk that last day took her to eat out which she loved to do. Bought her new night gowns she never got to wear. She was radient that day. After all she did for me ther was nothing I could do to save her. I know what all of you are saying I seldom talk to anyone about my problems for the reason I don't want to bother them. I just got out of hospital after having to take a series of shots for spinal pain which gets so bad at times you can't motivate and get to thinking your having a heart attack. Hope I'm not boring anyone just thought I would get this off my chest as this looks like a good place to talk about this type thing.

Thank you so for sharing, JV.

There are no words possible to really reach across the miles and soothe the pain you have been through, but even so...

You have friends here who care.

All prayers, always,
Merme

Hey JV,

I hear you. Spinal pain. That's a devil. I can't imagine what a broken back must put you through in that category. I got in a car accident as a kid and compressed a disk that still occassionally will give me what for. Having to go into the hospital for shots means yours must be many times worse than that. That's quite an amazine feat to be able to focus on other things and go on. Your wife sounds like she was a wonderful woman. I'm glad to meet her through you.

I'm sure most of you recognize the lovely digitalis flower Bill kindly affixed to my button for me?

I chose it as symbolic for the hope of healing my very sick heart. Can't think of anything better than that to represent this phase of my life.

Merme

JV...
Your post made me cry.
That is so sad.

Cindy

I'm so glad you were able to have such a wonderful last day with your beloved Billie. 30 years together is quite an accomplishment...I can only hope for that many with my husband(15 years this Nov.)

My thoughts are with you

G-Mom

Tragic story, JV, and so heartrending.

I am glad that you had such a wonderful marriage with your Billie. You must have beautiful memories of her love.

I'm sorry you are having health problems that you feel you have no one to share with. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. That offer stands for anyone and everyone at the Garden Helper. You all are so special to me and have made me feel so much a part of this wonderful family.

Dianna

JV,

What a wonderful marriage you had- and beautiful memories to still have of your beloved Billie....
I know a little about chronic pain- not like yours I can get thru without shots but it is still a trial somedays to get thru without taking to many meds.... so come and talk here anytime - thats what friends are for......

So come and vent or talk all you want - we'll answer and talk and vent too....

If I could I need prayers fortwo lady friends of mine.(that seems to be all the freinds I have are ladies) Patsy is having some kind of Female problems to do with the uterus(excuse the sp)under strict Dr. care. Her youngest daughter (37)Tammy has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor and her Blood Pressure is above stroke level and Dr's can't seem to control it. This young woman has two teenage sons and a disabled husband. Tammy said me and my wife were her adopted parents. Just about the time you think you have it bad you find out things like this about your dear freinds. Also need prayers for a male freind has bleeding ulcers has had a lot of medical problems so please say a prayer for these freinds of mine.
Thank you
Jimmy

My prayers are with you and your friends. May god bless you and them in the comming days.