A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2005 Jeff Foxworthy On New Englanders

Forget "Redneck", here is Jeff Foxworthy on the topic of New Englanders...

If you consider it a sport to get your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping it swims by, you might live in New England.

If you are proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights in the year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the US, you might live in New England.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September to May, you live in New England.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you live in New England.

If someone in a Home Depot offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.

If you've had a lengthy phone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.

"Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit a deer... more than once.

You have switched from "Heat" to "a/c" and back again in the same day.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 ft of snow in a raging blizzard without flinching.

You install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.

You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because all potholes are filled with snow.

You know all 4 Seasons... almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your Blue Spruce.

"Down South" to you means Philadelphia.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You find 10 degrees "a little chilly".

You actually understand these jokes...

Merme...you did that in Coffeehouse...
...telling me how far halfway was between Kentucky and Maine!

Other than these few items, these jokes could be about where I live!

Afgrey ~

I love Jeff Foxworthy! Those all made sense to me!

Did I tell you guys about the car insurance agent in Massachusetts that called me up about my daughter's car accident and told me she talked to a neighbor of mine who I don't even know because she was given the wrong # and he told her I was divorced and that I got the house and that I live alone with my two small children??????

It's always a mad dash to get there in late sept, before they close down, for one last ice cream!

Yup, I don't even know if I have a house key?
Luckily, the slider and the front door were unlocked !

Having lived in Maine-that is soooo true! HA! At least we don't sound stupid like his redneck jokes. He did forget that the "state" dress is flannel shirts worn over thermals and blue jeans with duck boots.

I had to laugh about moving the July 4th picnic indoors because of frost.

My first July 4th here I nearly got frostbite in my little NJ girl sundress and sandals watching the fireworks. Late that hot afternoon I couldn't figure out why everyone else showed up in jeans and flannel shirts and were carrying blankets until the sun went down!

Merme

"You might be a redneck if you have large appliances on your front porch." That would be me...got a fridge just for beer on the porch! I wouldn't know about New Englanders...North around here means wheat country!

Nah, peppereater, we don't need a refridgerator on the porch... we got 3 feet of snow nearly year round so all we gotta do is stick the 6 pack out the window...



Merme

SIX pack? I buy the 30 packs!

I used to have to buy mittens at the local craft store every August when I would go to NH on vacation and would have to WEAR them at night. And yes the DQ in the Boston area did shut down for most of the year.

But now that I'm in GA I have used AC and heat in the same day too!!

Wait, seriously?

I thought it was just a funny exaggeration, but you mean it's really true?

(Of course, my favorite redneck joke is "If more than 3 dogs live under your front porch, you might be a redneck." And there are probably some people out there who think THAT's just a joke....)

It is true about the Dairy Queen shutting down in September. Long lines as we all got our last "fix".