A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2005 Anyone care to share any helpful advice?

So, as most of you know, I am now a real estate broker.

This came about after much thought on my part, mainly because I felt I need a career to fall back on if anything were to ever happen to Mike. Also, after the way we felt/were treated while going through the home buying process, I felt that I could do better for my clients.

It's now been a year, a very long and emotionally trying year. And now I am at my wit's end and come to you all in hopes that something someone says will shed some light for me.

My problem is two parts. First, I am constantly critisized for even being an agent. People have soooo many preconcieved notions about brokers. I am judged long before I ever open my mouth. Do you have any ideas how to get past this? What could an agent do to make a good impression on you?

Second, I'm not sure how long I can hold out in this competetive field. Dog eat dog does not EVEN begin to discribe it, and when you are trying to do the best for your clients, well you might as well staple a doormat to your forehead. It's affecting my life, my home, my marriage, my health....

How do you keep work and home separate?

Thanks for your time!!!

You don't...you can't! If you do not like your job...it will affect your homelife...is it worth that to you to be a broker? Is there another line of work you would enjoy more? compitition is fine to a POINT...but once it has overstepped that healthy line...it is no longer worth it.
Sit down with a blank piece of paper...list your priorities...ask yourself some questions...and answer them very prayerfully...
how important is this to me...
What am I giving up to do this..

etc...then weigh the pros & cons

I can't help you with question #1...I know nothing about the business. I do know that the agent that I have been visiting with here has a wonderful reputation of going on and above the call of duty to take care of here clients. But this is a small town and ther isn't the "compition" here...I am sure that makes a lot of difference.

Gee, Barley, this is really a tough, tough situation and I don't envy you about it at all!

I think what sets the best brokers apart from the herd is simple reputation and word of mouth. It is that personal recommendation from one satisfied client to another that gives the second one a more positive attitude on the approach. Yet that can take so LONG to develope in a community and you've only been at it a year!

I don't know what others might say about this, but to me, I find a certain thoughtfulness rather appealing when I have to deal with professionals of any kind. It is that perception that they are thinking of ME and considering ME as a person and not a file number that inspires my trust and my willingness to continue in the relationship -- as well as to recommend that person or business to the next guy.

Separating work from home life is possibly one of the hardest things people must face yet without that ability to separate the two worlds, one or the other won't survive intact.

Ages ago I read a little story about a man who was always harassed at work. Every evening when he'd come home, he would stop on the walkway outside his front door and make a "hanging up" gesture toward a nearby tree. He said it was his way of leaving work concerns outside of the house so he could enter it as husband and father and not businessman. He hung his worries on the tree where they'd remain for him until morning.

That is awfully prosaic, I'm aware of that, yet I still think there is a certain truth to the story. It is important to disenage when the work day ends so that you can engage with those you love... not only giving them what they need, but also getting the things you need from them.

I'm supposing that people use an assortment of techniques to find that ability to disengage... maybe taking a longer way home to listen to refreshing music, maybe stopping for a coffee, or parking at a scenic spot to gather the thoughts and let things go. I do know some people prefer to actually change clothes to help them "turn off" the work day.

Perhaps some of the others here will have likely ideas more suitable for you, Barley, but these are my initial thoughts on this difficult topic you've raised.

Merme

Barley...I'll have to ask Rachel about this...she buys and sells real estate and deals with a lot of real estate agents. Some she has liked, and some she has despised.

Cindy

Thank you guys for your kind responses.

The main issue with keeping work and home seperate is most clients want you to be available to them all the time...which I can understand...but each has a different schedule, and it's not uncommon for me to begin recieveing calls at 7am and not finish until 10pm or later...

Days like that are hard, but I do understand.I love my clients, and after working so close to them day in day out, listening to their dreams for thier home, family, ect. for at least 3 months, you end up really rather close. But in doing so, you lose the boundary of "business hours"....

We looked at literally 50 houses at least before we bought this one....One thing I have to say is just be nice and friendly and don't be too pushy....Our last agent kept trying to push me into houses I didn't want at the end...I know she doesn't get commissions unless she makes a sale, but MAN....I felt too pressured. Sometimes as a buyer you think that the agents want to just sell you whatever they can just to make money, not get you what you want...I'd just do whatever you can to make them trust you and know that you won't stop looking until you find them the perfect house.

Hope you figure it all out Barley...I admire you because I wouldn't want that job...WAY too much stress and time invested...but some people are just naturals at selling...I'll bet you're really great at your job!

You know, if it's affecting your health maybe it isn't the best thing to stay in....do you have other job interests?

barleychown, I can understand what you're going through, & I don't have a CLUE why people treat Real Estate people like they do! (I mean, good gravy, you're not a LAWYER, so it's not like you chase after people & try to talk them into doing something they wouldn't normally do, just to put $$ in your pocket!)

I have a really good friend who has been in Real Estate for a hundred years or so... Well, since long before I met her, anyway & I hear the same kind of lament from her! (I should put you in touch with her, so the 2 of you can commiserate. She might have advice about what has worked for her, & how you can weather the storms.)

All I can say is, #1 to H_ _ _ with the people who have nothing better to do than to run other people down (must be low self-image that causes that), & #2, since when is your self-worth measured by what ignorant people say? You don't strike me as an insecure person, so just go by what you know... that you've worked hard to get where you are, & you're a good person who isn't sitting around letting somebody else pull all the weight in your life! Other people don't have clue about that stuff, but YOU KNOW, so why dignify their insults by reacting to them?! (We actually benefit by having ignorant people around us, cuz they can make us LOOK SO GOOD!)

I'll bet that you don't bother with running other people down because of their career choices & stuff like that, cuz you're above that mentality, so just get busy with something else & try to blow it off.

Tell you what... if my Hubby's job ever transfers him or anything, I'll let you list my house! (That is, if you don't mind driving for an hour to show our house to a Looky-Loo!) Hope that makes you feel better, but if not, it's my guess that plenty of people right here think you're TERRIF!

Square your shoulders & hang in there, girl... This too shall pass, & you're no quitter!

... & TELL PEOPLE right out of the gate, just what YOUR "hours" are! They HAVE TO realize that while you may care about them & their situation, you have a life too!

Hi Barley!

I think I'd LOVE to be a real estate agent. And for the same reason you said- I could do better for my clients than most of the ones out there do. My number one turn-off when we were looking for a house for the first time, was the agents would IMMEDIATELY try to push me to find out how much we were willing to spend. Well, as a first time home buyer, I had no idea! And so I felt pressured and like they were just after my money.
We finally found an agent by me walking into a Century 21 office and saying, "I don't know what we're looking for, and I don't know how much money we can spend, and I don't have the first clue how to do this or if we even for sure want to BUY a house, but is there someone here who can just ANSWER MY QUESTIONS?" And this nice old man said, "Sure, I'll answer your questions, come on back and sit down." and spent 45 minutes just answering my questions and explaining the process. I don't think we even looked at the MLS that day. But we went back to him because he was nice and caring, and he has been our agent ever since. So I'd say as far as having your clients respect, just remember how you felt when you were buying the irst time, and treat them the way you'd have wanted to be treated.

As far as people making nasty comments, nothing you can do about it. I imagine lawyers feel the same frustration. A lot of people are going to have that preconception about you, and the only way to do anything about it is one client at a time.

Boy, it sucks about you not being able to keep work and home separate, but with a job like a real estate agent, isn't that pretty much just something you have to make peace with?

Again, you guys are awesome...I have tears in my eyes reading this. Thank you to each and every one of you.

I will answer each and every post in more detail when I can pull myself together...later.

For now, let's just say i was doing so very well, had it all under control...until i recieved a blow that knocked me off my feet. That was 3 months ago, and i just can't seem to move past it...probably because I have to hear about it every day.

Oh, what the heck...it's not like she reads here...In june I found out my Grandma had to have open heart surgery. This woman was my life, and more like my mother. Knowing this I packed up myself and my dogs (no small thing for us) left my husband to care for my animals, and went to help with her recovery. I spent 6-7 weeks there, with no help from any of the rest of the family. I was worn out. In between all this stuff, she and my grandpa totally picked my brain about all things real estate, what I thought their ome was worht, how would i market it, yadda yadda yadda...

I was not home one week and they listed it with someone else.

Now let me add this...I can list anything in the state of Oregon. They are the ones who convinced me that I needed my own career.

Their house is listed at $650,000. Commission is 6%. We are not talking about pocket change here. With that money, I could have gotten my name out there. Think how far that would go, marketing-wise.

It hurts so bad to think that instead of giving me the chance, believing in me, they chose my competition.

Since this, I have been in a major funk, which is soooooo not like me. I've been trying to decide if I wish to continue in this business, but I think I have come to the conclusion that I want to try for another year, and then re-evaluate. I know I can do this, and do it well. I just need some fresh perspective...and from people NOT in the business. Why do what others are doing? That isn't working. I need new ideas.

And maybe new family!

P.S. This was not my dad's side of the family...he's blown away she'd ever do this after all I've done for her.

Barley...I am so sorry for your broken heart. Are you sure they understood that YOU could list it...it makes no sense. Don't give everything up because of this hurt. unfortunetly...you think your family will be your biggest supporters..and it doesn't always happen like that. We have had more critisism from family re: P~Nut than support. But, you certainly shouldn't trash your career over this. You are VERY level headed and know what you want to do. You go girl!!!! We will help you get outta the funk!

Yeah, I'm VERY certain she knew...we talked about it numerous times.

We will call in the "outta funk" troops...don't you worry!

I just tried to call you, & your voice mail picked up, so I left a shortish mess on there for you. (Will maybe try to reach you tomorrow.)

1 thing I did want to ask you... Did you ever ask your Grand-folks why they didn't list with you? Even though their answer isn't going to change anything at this point, sometimes confronting an issue head-on is the best way to get it behind you, so you can simply start a new chapter in your life.

I realize that these kinds of hurts (things of the heart... especially family) can devastate a person for a long, long time (been there/done that!), but I agree with Vanessa: I hope you let yourself have a good night. Sorry you missed me when I called, but we'll chat 1 way or another, tomorow!

Now I'm off to watch The Apprentice. I don't watch much TV at all, but I like this Donald Trump thing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just got your PM. That's OK, it's not the 1st time my timing has been off.... & when the dogs need their evening walk, you gotta do it... after all, they ARE family, & aren't likely at all, to make you cry!!

Later, Gater!
~P~

OMG, Barley, that's SO hurtful!

Of course, I know nothing of your relationship with your grandparents, BUT there's one reason I can think of why they might have listed with someone else. Is it possible that they've been burned badly in the past by doing business with a friend or relative? Because they know from sad experience that money (especially BIG money) and love just do not mix?

I know that in college, I lost as a friend a girl who had been my next-door neighbor for 15 years. She was like my sister, and then we didn't speak for... well, I guess 8 or 9 years, until my brother died. And it was over about $160.00. After that, I decided NEVER to do business with a friend, and never to LOAN money to a friend. I figured, if you can't afford to consider the money a gift, don't loan it at all. I know it's not the exact same situation, but maybe something along those lines?

Maybe that's totally off base, but maybe not. Either way, I'm awfully sorry you were hurt. Even feeling the way I do, I'd probably be totally hurt in your situation, too.

Well barley, here's my two cents worth. I understand your need for a career because no one knows what life is going to dish out to you. My mother ended up being a 31 year old widow with no schooling and no job. She struggles to this day.

What it all comes down to is, what makes you happy? Your career will still be able to be tapped into if it is ever needed but you cannot fall back into a marriage that loses itself or regain health that's failing. Take some time for yourself and your husband. Family has to come first.

Ever think that maybe your grandparents seen the stress that you are under and did not want to add to it. Money doesn't mean everything. 6% is alot of money but it won't mean much if you come home to an empty house or lose family over it.

As I said, just my 2 cents worth.

I think you're lucky they didn't ask you to list the house, it is very difficult for a family member to be the listing broker. My dad is a real estate agent and I would not want to hear from him, it would feel too personal , like if the computer room was a mess and he told me I would feel like he was critisizing me,yet if a stranger listing my house told me I'd just go ahead and clean it up. Do you get what I mean?

Or if the deal fell through , even if through no fault of yours as the listing broker, your grandmother could possibly blame you, it definitely is best not to mix family and money like that , there is no objectivity, if your grandma did it for that reason, I'd have to go with her wisdom, if she did it to be hurtful to you that's another story.................but either way that one listing should not dictate your own career, I like your plan of giving it another year, and I wish you all the best!~

well, i can see it from both sides... and think you have gotten a lot of good advice and info, so, i will just "recap" what i think are the important things...

one, the whole thing with your grandparents, from my perspective, is that you feel used, and undervalued/trusted. if they were going to pick your brain that hard, have you give that much of yourself, it isn't unreasonable for you to think there would be something in it for you when they decided to sell. BUT, if i know you like i think i do, you did all you did for them out of love. and sometimes, you just have to remember that our love isn't returned or appreciated the way we would do it or want it done.

as for the career, two things that come to mind. one, who ever said "present YOUR hours" was right on the money! i'd even have available hours on my business cards, or something like "available during normal business hours and by appointment". so, if they didn't make arrangements to be able to call you at 7am, you just let the voicemail get it.

the other thing that i didn't see mentioned, but was a big turn off for me with the agents i have dealt with, is the tendency around here to say "if you make $x per year, you can afford a house that costs $y. well, we didn't want a house that cost $y. i knew what our budget would handle (keeping in mind lifestyle and personal habits, not to mention savings) and just wasn't willing to take on a mortgage that big. the broker who handled this house, knew what our range was and showed us things in both ends and all through the middle. and if a house was above or below, but met other criteria, she would say "i know this isn't in the $$$ range, but... look at it, ok?" and we got this house, and it is at the very top of our range. but more house than some that were out of our range! anyway, hope you feel better soon, we love ya

Here is another way to look at things Barley-by picking your brains they were able to use the advice that you gave them to not be sc###ed by any unscreplious broker. Maybe they had had some bad experience with another family member waaaaay back. Or maybe they didn't want to put you on the spot? Older people's though process is alittle bit differanct from ours. That statement is coming from and older person ha ha ha. I also think that you should be firm on the hours that clients can call. It is obscene what people will demand-I have heard all kinds of horror stories from my sister who works in realtor office. Be firm. Family should always come first. any how that is MY 2 cents.