A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2005 COFFEEHOUSE XXXth OLYMPIAD

Mornin all...OOOPPSS!!! Good afternoon all.... :rolleyes: Been on the phone all morning with the school I found for the PEANUT! (update posted in yet another plea thread)finally got a minute to take a BIG breathe! Gone through the foldgers like water this morning....now I am zippin! All 3 kiddos down for a nap..WHEW! Catchin up on the forum olympics... Kinda made me want to get some popcorn!!!!
I need to be working outside but the inside need attention also...so HHHmmm...what to do?

Nana made me want some zuchinni bread....so gotta run check the garden to see if I can make that happen. Hope you all are stayin cool, it is pretty darn hot again today...and HUMID!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Herr and Frau, Senor and Senoritas, welcome to the Ice Event!

Tonight, for the first time ever, we are presenting the newest, bestest and greatest configuration of the skating venue. Tonight Only! A combination of Figure Skating and Speed Skating! That's right, folks, our athletes will be speeding and figuring simultaneously to the musical selection of their choice.

Stepping to the ice is our Kentucky athlete, Cindy Jo Bob Pearl Lucy Madonna Henrietta aka Afgreyparrot! Notice her costume sparkling in 27,000 colors! Notice the stuffed parrot sewn to her shoulder!

No, Wait! That's no STUFFED bird! That a real live parrot! Hold on, please, I'm getting a live feed from the ice floor. The bird's name is LOLA and it IS an afgrey parrot!

As Afgrey steps onto the ice, we hear the opening strains of....Santana! And look at this girl go!

Double Axle! Triple back flip! Figure 8's galore! Lola the parrot never misses a trick, clinging tightly to afgrey's shoulder even when upside down!

Oh notice! The Judges are laughing -- they can hear the bird talking! um, er, swearing!

Coming now out of her triple toe loop, afgrey crouches into the stance for the speed feature of her performance. The music changes now, folks. It is "The Fastest Rap" by Bone, Thugs In Harmony.

She is gathering speed listening to that crazy beat! The bird is flapping her wings! What's this?

Afgrey pulls a bottle out of her waistband and takes a drink. It is water! No, it is Gatorade! No, folks, it is Jim Beam!

She is flying now! Round and round she goes, and where she stops NOBODY knows!

Well, everyone, she has stopped now! The scores are coming up...

For Performance
10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10

For Artistic Interpretation
10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10

For the bird
11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11 11

Afgrey has taken the GOLD! and, apparently, the bird has won something too....

Merme

Too Much Coffee When

You Know You Are Drinking Too Much Coffee When ...
You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.

You ski uphill.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You can type sixty words per minute . . . with your feet.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

You don't need a hammer to pound nails.

You don't sweat, you percolate.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

Instant coffee takes too long.

When someone says. "How are you?" you say, "Good to the last drop."

You help your dog chase its tail.

This afternoon at the River Rapids Park, we will be bringing you live, that's right folks, LIVE! Our Body Surfing Event.

From the Idaho Boonies hails a crowd favorite, Fernie, otherwise known as Auntie Fern to all and sundry. She places her boombox on the bank of the river. She adjusts her suit. She shields her eyes with her left hand and steadily gazes upstream at the waters flow.

The crowd tenses, wondering when she will make her move? She's stepping carefully down the mud bank and onto the outcropping of rocks....the crowds race to the edge to look over the side...

She looks ready, folks. She crouches a bit. She tenses! See those muscles at the ready! And she is off! What a dive, oh WHAT A DIVE!

And there she is, coming up now and look at that arch in her back! Hands together perfectly extended, head tucked nicely, eyes fixed to the front as she sails over one wave after another! Oh what a show, ladies and gentleman, what a show!

The other surfers in the water can't hold a candle to Fernie! She soars atop the waves, she soars ahead and YES! It's GOLD for Fernie!

Fernie has won the GOLD!!!!

And by the way, fans, did you know this gal can also SING? You ought to hear her rendition of "Here We Have Idaho" catchy little number, that...

Merme

You may not be aware of this, folks, but feeding the several hundred thousand people that attend these Olympic Games is an unbelievable effort of speed, technical detail, quality control, fair pricing, and that's right: a winning smile!

Tonights Special Event is The Comissary! THE place where everyone goes to eat! Lots of hungry folks in the crowd tonight too. Being a fan doesn't make 'em forget food.

Stepping up behind Counter Number One is PCGRAV, from the Land of Cotton! Old Times There are Not Forgotten! But this girl can never look away, no sir, this girl has GOT to keep her eye on that hungry mob in front of her.

She takes an order for burgers and fries. She takes another order for onion rings and soda. She hears someone shouting for a chicken basket and a little kid crying for some Cotton Candy!

She calls the orders over her left shoulder then deftly reaches out with her right hand, never once looking back, gets the pass off from the kitchen, tosses those burgers and fries into the bag, rings 'em up, makes the change and her hand is filled again!

How does she do it? She burgers and fries are gone! The onion rings and soda are gone! Not a hair out of place, she hands off the chicken basket while reaching for the cotton candy and the little kid grins and the crowd is stamping its feet

SERVE 'EM UP PC, SERVE 'EM UP!

Her hands are a blur, moving at the speed of light and she's FINISHED!!!!

223,678,910 orders in five minutes, folks! PC has set a new world record while taking the GOLD!

Yea, PC! Fastest hands in the South. Biggest smile, too, I reckon.

Merme

ROFL @ Vanessa "to much coffee" post. Outstanding.

Personal touch christmas tree. Crocheted stars, bells, and angels. And the Marine Corps ornaments from every year since I enlisted.

Merme!!--

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you all BUT I couldn't have done it without my EVER FAITHFUL SIDEKICK--VANESSA!!!!!!

Merme are you sure your not the reincarnation of Howard Cosell? Sounded just like him. My medals look good on the wall at the homestead at the Bosque Redondo?
Jimmy

Why JV, your medals look GREAT there!



...wherever "there" is...



Merme

I just got a perfect 10 for rolling around the floor laughing!



...and Fernie bodysurfing!

...had to get a few more laughing graemlins out of my system!

Merme there is the Bosque Redondo helps to know a little history and geography of the southwest. The Bosque Redondo sat on the Pecos river near Old Fort Sumner in south central New Mexico it is about 84 miles north of present day Roswell of which you have all heard. It is where Kit Carson and the Calvery after they rounded up all the Navajo and Apache Indians as well as any others they could find. force marched them across Desert and mountain ranges to the Bosque Redondo the ones that lived were imprisoned there behind barb wire and Adobe walls to freeze or starve to death or get beaten to death if they did not do as they were told. This is also near the old Maxwell place where Pat Garret shot billy the Kid and he is buried near by. I was raised at the modern town of Fort sumner which was an Army Airbase during the war as well as a German pow camp. It is 105 miles southwest of Amarillo Tx. hope this helps.
Jimmy

Thanks, JV! I love geography but for the life of me couldn't place the name in my head! (or on a map, for that matter!)



You were sweet to fill me in.

Merme

Ok, now I be wondering what sort of an Olympic event would a Jiffymouse and a duckie be doing?

Do ya think they'll want to play?
Any ideas?

Merme

Merme Duckie could enter cat chaseing event to keep cats out of her Catnip garden. and Pc could try and keep crazy K-9 out of her garden and from eating her flowers and laying on her marigolds. Bet you will be glad when I go back to work huh?
Jimmy

I think discus is a good choice for Jiffy!! As for Duckie-- hmmmmm....

Olympics and a history lesson, what a wonderful day here in the coffeehouse!

And now that I am all dried out from my swim, I have been commissioned by the Coffeehouse Olympic Committee to present a very special GOLD medal to our announcer extraordinaire.

This medal is presented to you Merme for your wondrous feat of announcements with flair and pizzazz. Never in the history of the Coffeehouse Olympics has a medal of such honor been awarded and in my humble opinion, never again will one be awarded.

A big cheer from the crowd for our color commentator Miss Merme.

And the crowd ROOOOAAAARRRSSSSS...

There is an awesome hush in the XXXth Olympiad Arena tonight, Ladies and Gentlemen, as the athletes prepare to compete in the Speed Reading Event.

The stacks and stacks of books are at the ready, the easy chairs are drawn up alongside, the reading lamps have been lit and now here come the athletes! Loosening their necks and shaking their shoulders, flexing the fingers and limbering up those wrists! I see a few nervous newcomers polishing up their glasses oh and wait!

Here comes Jiffymouse, the fastest reader on the Continent! With a nom de plum like "Jiffymouse" you know this world class athlete is gonna be FAST!

The librarians are raising the flags as the last of the readers takes a seat. The flags go down, and athletes grab the top book of their stack and ohmyGOD the race is on!

Pages turning to the left! Pages turning to the right! Oh my goodness, have you ever SEEN such a sight?!

And there's Jiffymouse, look at her go! Ten minutes down and there seems to be 400 books in her "Finished Stack". How those fingers can fly! Look in the close up, her eyes are going so fast but she doesn't seem to move a muscle! Have you ever seen such reading posture? Have you ever seen such grace?

OH NO! SHE DROPPED THE BOOK! GET IT, JIFFY, GET IT!

The crowds are on their feet ignoring the librarians sh-h-h-h! There is a mighty roar of approval as Jiffy swoops down to get that book, her glittery black evening gown showing this fine athlete to distinction.

The clock is ticking! The pages are turning! Hold on to your seats and it is...

GOLD!

Jiffymouse has won the gold! I believe that is a new world record, ladies and gentlemen, 9,732 books in 76.44 minutes!

There's not a dry eye in the house tonight, folks, as Jiffymouse climbs the podium to receive her medal. This Garden Helper Fanatic Reading Fanatic Family Fanatic is Fantastic!

Go-o-o-o-o-o-o Jiffy!

Merme

Ah Triss, you're making me

I'm actually surprised I didn't get the "Insane" award!



Merme

There is no insanity here. Or we all are, cannot figure out which

Merme, you gonna have a LOT of competition to win that one!

I am sitting here trying not to pee my pants I am laughing so hard! Merme you deserve at least 2 gold medals for commentary..... JV you are right I heard her deep voice with a cadence just like Cosell in my head while I was reading...

Well did my good deed for the day or week- hubby went and hung a phone in the basement at DD's - so while he was doing that I cleaned and dusted - vacuumed- loaded and ran the dishwasher- sorted the laundry and took it down to the basement- put some folded clothes away too-....
he also got the piece of wood the kids broke off the wall unit glued on- we will go back tomorrow so he can hang the door up again...
She is going to be so suprised! You can get a lot done without the kids being there...LOL!
I add carrots to most everything too- and zuchinni too when I can get away with it-- does help with getting some vitamins in the kids.

Merme face the facts. You have out Coselled Cosell Harry Carey of the Cubs could not compete with you. It has been decided by all that you are the best of the best in broadcast journalism(sp) let alone print.
Nanas 11 are you ok TV just said 102 in Denver stay cool. Triss just saw an article on TV about the amphibicar up at Hasting's. I have seen this car before but still would love to own it. They were showing it at a lake up there.
Jimmy

Hi JV,

We are fine- got the cooler on high- and am actually comfortable... they just said on the news it was 107 downtown- 109 at the airport- I won't go out tonight till sun goes down-- so will be awhile before I go out- more time to play here..LOL! It's probably around 100 right now in the yard- just like hubby likes it.. he can take the heat.
May have to set up the kids pool in self defense if this keeps up, hubby is afraid it would kill the grass but it is brown anyway - no matter how often we water - may as well have fun ...

A gold in body surfing and I can sing too! Wow Merme, you are the comic writer/announcer of the century. You ought to get several golds just for making people believe I can actually sing!

So Afgrey, how's the old shoulder after Lola hanging on even upside down?????

And PC, way to sling that hash. Oh and Tammy, whatta tree, I just know you aced the other events.