Hey there, everyone ~
Tonight I want to tell you all about something difficult that happened to Maxi at school and how we worked it out so well.
Maxi has been great friends since Kindergarten with this sweet little girl, Elizabeth. Early this school year, they decided they have crushes on one another. She asked if they might "go steady" and he told her he'd have to ask his mom first. So when he asked me, I said no because they are too young, but that there is nothing wrong with being "dear friends". Then he asked me what does "going steady" mean, anyway? Ah, the trials and tribs of 3rd Grade!
So anyway, it's been adorable watching the two of them being "dear friends". He'd come home and give me reports about what fun they'd had and then say "but none of that lovey dovey stuff, Mommy!" At Christmas, he made her special gifts and filled a little bag with them and they stood side by side on the top row of the risers for the Christmas concert, having a ball, singing their hearts out. Everyone remarked at how sweetly they kept gazing at each other. Cute stuff.
Well, so, a few weeks ago he told me he needed to take $10 to school for charity and I said no way. Unfortunately, I didn't follow up on his request and it slipped my mind with my hospitalizations. On Tuesday he mentioned it again, stating he needed two $5 bills for charity. Again, I said no way because that was alot of money. I understood his class was collecting for tsunami relief but that was supposed to be change. He burst into tears.
So I asked him why he was so upset and then he told me. Elizabeth had confided the news of Maxi's crush on her to her best friend, Sabrina, and later the two girls got a very naughty idea in their heads and Maxi became the target of the scheme. He was to pay them each $5 or the story of his love would be spread all over the school!
When he told me of it, I decided it was one of those moments in childhood when a parent simply has to step in and take the burden away, and so I promised to deal with it for him.
With all my heart I do believe God gave me some wisdom on the best way to handle things, and I also believe He gave me extra grace to speak to Elizabeth's father. Instead of being angry at me or defensive, as some parents would choose to be, he responded beautifully. I could not have asked for any better of a response from him and he had wonderful things to say both to me and to Max. He also volunteered to speak to Sabrina's dad on our behalf.
One of the things he said was that two little girls would be apologizing on Wednesday morning, and if Maxi wasn't satisfied with the content or style of those apologies, he was to let the grown-ups know.
So when I called the school and spoke confidentially to the principal, I was able to explain the situation, tell him that we parents were seeming to manage it well among ourselves, and also was able to make a suggestion for an addition to the curriculum based on some research I had done. The principal was duly concerned about how naughty the girls had been but was enthusiastic about how we were all choosing to handle it. And he was excited about my suggestion for the school.
So everyone stayed calm and waited to see how those apologies turned out. And I tell you what, Maxi was so pleased when he got home yesterday! He told me that as soon as Elizabeth walked into the classroom, first thing in the morning, she came straight to him and said her peace.
He said "It wasn't just the words, Mommy! You should have seen the look on her face -- she really meant it!" Sabrina waited until recess and wasn't quite as sincere, but Maxi was still appreciative and they've all agreed they are still friends.
So both sets of parents and the principal were thrilled at the good report. And everyone involved told me how much they valued the way I handled the mess -- with discretion and sensitivity -- so that things didn't get escalated beyond redemption, you know? That's one reason I'm convinced of God's help in the matter.
But here's the other indication to me that God really had a big input in this. Through my conversations with Elizabeth's parents, I learned that the mom was stricken with a serious illness last week while out of state on business. The entire family has been thrown into crisis and it will be some time before the docs even figure it all out.
So....because I know first hand some of how medical issues can impact family life, I volunteered to remain on standby via the telephone. If they need help, call me. And although I don't drive, I know there are plenty of at-home moms connected to the school who would step up in an emergency and give an assist. I can work the phone lines if she needs help when he is at work.
And when I spoke again with the school principal, I gave him a heads up about the family crisis and he is setting things in motion at the schools end so that everyone can be on the alert and he also intended to call the family and let them know of the school's support.
So when Maxi was leaving for school this morning, he told me he has plans to tell Elizabeth he knows what it is like to have a suddenly sick mom and that if Elizabeth gets scared or sad, she can call him any time.
Tonight Maxi shared with me that he'd been able to speak to Elizabeth about her mom and she kept saying "thank you, thank you" over and over. He said she looks really sad. He understands that one, though, so he'll be able to stand by as a "dear friend" should.
So how cool is that? We got the problem of the girls naughtiness straightened out quickly and quietly, hurt feelings mended, valuable lessons learned, a new idea for a school program underway, and a family in crisis surrounded by people at the ready to help!!!
Oh, and what I learned in my research is that blackmail is a
growing problem in the middle school age group across our state. Don't know where the kids are coming up with the idea, but it is a spreading contamination. My idea was that the school counselor could include lessons concerning these issues along with the school wide lessons he teaches about problem solving, team work, respecting diversity,etc.
All I can think is: Wonderful!
So what do you guys think?
Merme
) with the football squad cheering them on. oh, and these were the jv girls... 9th & 10th graders... 
