They will probably survive to adulthood with a handful of happy memories extracted from no place you intended. Don"t mess that up with a flood of pettiness

Absolutely encourage super-mom activity. If she feels she needs 6 additional teenagers to mother, stand back far enough to be sure you aren"t embarrassing YOUR teen, and let her have free reign to help them with their homework, spelling, career planning, and dating advice. Your responsibility is to pass occasionally though the back of the room, smile and make eye contact. (I am here, all of this is mine, I approve of your presence, my wife will see to your needs.) They can leave feeling like an American bonding experience was had.

Does a lot for the lil' guy holding said dinosaur, too, I am sure...


I think you and SuperMom are a blessing to your children...

Dianna

great stuff

Some guy...

Hi there... I have been staying out of poetry discussions. Poetry scares me. If it is honest, it comes from a place I tend to avoid.

You opening statement makes me want to comment.
"They will probably survive to adulthood with a handful of happy memories extracted from no place you intended."

It needs work -- but you are onto something special.

That concept of things "extracted from no place you intended." is very appealing. "To survive to adulthoood" - I'm not so big on. Survival denotes that there was danger or hardship. Pettiness is unexplained throughout.

You've got great ideas! Manhood ain't being wasted on you!


I especially like the stuff about your wife and feeding extra kids. It's cool you recognize that she finds real value and esteem in nurturing from her kitchen. I do too. Kids are safe in my kitchen. My hubby does like you said. He walks through and checks out the scene.

You are what I call an evolver... all healthy women seek evolvers as mates.

I like your wife

oh yeah, I think you are also speaking of things well beyond an American experience. It's just a dad thing!

re-sync

SomeGuy..I think that was great. You sound like a good Dad to have, and I'm sure your children will have lots of happy childhood memories!!

I have to pipe in here. I am enjoying reading the comments on Dan's stuff in here. He is a great writer, I sure enjoying reading his stuff though some is quite intense.

He is an awesome father! Our children will be able to look back on their childhood and know they were loved. We are all very lucky to have him!

Hi all,

At 39, In 1997, at age 39, I finally earned a degree in English. My thing is not creative writing, I'd rather write essays about literature. I Love thinking about literature.
(however, Poetry is my weakness) I have a passion for Virginia Woolf and I am an analyst by nature, training and trade. I can't spell, though.

It's hard for me not to look at things without using an educator's eye.

Anyway, The ideas that Dan is sharing are special - I think they're very special.

The best thing that ever happened to fathers is the women's movement. Men can finally and freely nurture their children now. Just 50 years ago a man would not have kissed his toddler's cheek in public. A dad on a school field trip would have been unheard of. The term "single dad" didn't exist.

That's why I find Dan's voice so special. He has something to say that resonates with the average lucky man and is new to literature. I hope he screams it louder, but, I hope he refines it too.

Just like women's literature emerged - so are voices like Dan's. Boy, did that body of dead white boys writings need a pick me up

The most prominent male writers today are gay; because they seek the truth in their lives - they get the mushy stuff.

Average Dad's need their voices heard and their feelings validated too!

I'd like to see more of Dan's writing, but I worry. You guys are always so positive about each other's writing. That does not leave me room to even tell Dan that frieght has an 'e' in it.

Anyway, everybody just keep writing... it's good for the soul!

opps.. I said I can't spell. I spelled frieght! It is fright.!!
Damn the bad luck. I said I can't spell I am very sorry. I was looking for a simple example. Dumb me...now I will fade away. take care all

uhhhhhhhhhhh... no it doesn't. Freight does, but not fright!

Hello, Jane!

I am so happy to hear your voice and your thoughts. It has seemed to me, too, that the rule was, "Just say something nice and keep anything else to yourself."

My thought in starting this post was that we would wind up building a wonderfully constrictive list of rules for dads.

Beyond that, "surviving until adulthood" is tongue-in-cheek, much like "too many kids." Americans generally favor small families, and treat their kids as burdens to be borne until they leave home at 18. A vocal minority of dissenters preaches the planning of every moment of childhood, so the child can have all the wonderful experiences for which the parent longed.
Thus my statement.

Hi some guy,
I am glad you see my intention for writing. Thanks

I still can't get that line out of my mind -

"handful of happy memories extracted from no place you intended"

I have a couple questions?


Do we survive until their adulthood? or are the kids surviving?

How did you choose the word pettiness? I think you may have been going for the idea that nothing is petty in a child's world - or then again in an adult's busy life everything a child does could seem unimportant or trivial.

Oh, and tongue in cheek aside, you can have too many kids!!
How many do you and the mrs. have? And is the Mrs. a member of this forum too?

I took my kids to Disneyland, where one remembers waiting forever for another to finish using the bathroom. Another remembers that being the place we waited forever on the side of the road in the "freezing cold" for some fireworks to get over so we could go to bed.

I took my family on a little drive to see what was up this canyon dirt road. We found a pretty meadow when I took pictures of everybody for a few minutes. It's my oldeset son's fondest memory.

Pettiness is insisting that I get my way because I'm the daddy - you must eat 14 beans because I gave you 14 beans. I can be bigger that this - I just have to remember what's really important.

My wife is Triss, long-time forum member. She posted 3 or 4 replies down from your original in this chain.
http://www.danstanfield.net/triss/

Jane, to answer your question we have 8 kids between us, 6 of them live with us full time. the oldest is 18 and the youngest is a lil over 2. 6 boys and 2 girls.

You are the folks with five boys and Alyssa! Well, God Bless you both! I love the photo album. I admire organized people. You have a beautiful family!

Man, 5 boys...that's some serious potty cleaning there. My sister only had three and she had to clean in there everyday - usually walls and all. Five, plus dad, oh, my!


Ånd it is amazing, isn't it, what a child remembers. The silliest little things leave a big impression.

p.s. I still think there is a better word than petty :rolleyes: one that better defines letting go of one's own selfish desires.

p.s.again You know what? I figured out whose hubby you were without being told. I saw Triss' album and somehow I knew that the dad writing was their dad. (It was logical that your wife was here too --I wouldn't let my hubby hang out alone with all these chickies )

We were posting at the same time Jane, glad you figured out who we were.