I am saddened to say that my daughter left yesterday to return to the unhealthy situation she was living in. Her boyfriend's aunt and friend came to meet her at the gas station at the end of the road. Her car would not make the trip and we would not let her "store" it here, so it is at the station pending her picking it up on the third of next month.

From what I have gathered since she came here, her boyfriend has tried to choke her and the aunt has tried to push her down a flight of stairs. I could not hold her here since she is 24 years old and supposedly an adult and have had to hold my tongue because I did not want to make things worse for her. I am terrified that one of that crowd is going to seriously hurt her and cannot make her realize the danger of living such a life. I don't know what to do other than pray for her safety and that of the little one.

My daughter is such a caring mother. While she was here I saw how much she loves Reyla. I do believe she takes good care of her, but cannot convince her that raising her in a dysfunctional home such as they live in, will not be good for Reyla in the long run. I ask that each of you say a prayer for her and the baby's protection until the time God opens her eyes and shows her a better way of doing things. I have had to "let go and let God".

Dianna

You are doing all you can Dianna. I will add her and child to my prayer list too.

I'm so sorry, Dianna.
You have my prayers, too.

Dianna----prayers from me for your family. Hopefully she'll come to realize she's in a bad situation....it may take a while, but we'll all be praying that God helps her see the light of things......

Prayers are coming your way!

G-Mom

Dianna,
I am so sorry. You are in my prayers

Dianna...
I just wrote a book here, then deleted it (on purpose) before I posted it.

You certainly have my prayers.
I have been there...watching Brennan's dad abuse my daughter (Rachel). It just about drove me crazy...because she kept going back to him, only to end up getting beat up worse the next time.

God answered my prayers.

I will be praying...you can count on it.

Cindy

Oh Dianna, I am so sorry to hear this sad news of your daughter. And certainly, all prayers will be with her, and you, always.

Merme

Dianna,

Your daughter and granddaughter will most certainly be in my prayers.

Triss

Dianna, I have a niece that was in the same situation, at the last we called social services to report the abuse in the home. It was investigated and she has 24 hrs to get out of that home or surrender her child. She hated us for awhile but I told her at least your here to hate us because I know if she would of stayed she would of died.

I know we took it to the extreme but sometimes intervention is the only way. I know it would be harder because it's your daughter but then maybe that's the reason to take it to the extreme.

It still blows my mind why women take this crap. I had an old boyfriend that thought the same way but the first time he hit, I hit back and walked. I was only 15 years old and so was he. Monkey see , monkey do. (they see it at home). Today he is still beating his wife.

Sorry that you, your daughter and grand child are in this situation. Be strong.

Thank you all so much for the prayers.

Cindy, it is about to drive me crazy. I spent long hours talking to her while she was here. I have been in the same boat that she is rowing and cannot stand the thought that she will have to experience the abuse getting worse before she will finally realize that he doesn't love her.

Tamara, I HAVE thought about calling Social Services to force her to come to grips with the situation. Since the baby has been born, the whole family has been threatening to take the baby away from her. They are not only physically abusing my daughter, but mentally abusing her as well.

My husband is very upset with the whole situation and he says that we will not be at her beck and call every time she has a fuss. It does not bode well for my new marriage if she needs me and he cannot understand. He has never had to deal with something like she is going through. All I know is that I told her to call me if she needs me. I will explain it all to my husband when it happens.

Dianna

Dianna,
I am so sorry to read this. I think almost everyone has been in a simular (sp?) situation. It is always hard to go thru. Keep us informed. I hope she sees what it going on soon.

Kareena

Thank you, Kareena. I have put it all in God's hands and am trying not to snatch it back from Him. It helps knowing that everyone is praying for her safety.

Dianna

This is so so sad. God will help you know what to do. I really believe if you can open your heart to him, he will lead the way. Just in case he leads you in this direction...have you checked out this site:

http://www.sccadvasa.org/

Thank you, rue! I will pass the information on to my daughter. Maybe they will have the equivalent kind of web-site in NC.

She has told me that she will go to a domestic violence shelter if she has to leave immediately again. When she left week before last, she left the baby and her car with someone else and had the police go with her to get her things.

Dianna

Dianna,
I have you , your daughter and her baby on my prayer list too- it is so hard to deal with but I agree with the calling in the child services people- if the other family is so violent someone must have been reported before and they sure wouldn't get the baby away from her - especially if they are not married... God will lead the way for you - I believe that but sometimes we have to do a little helping of ourselves too.... will pray for your hubby to understand too- I know that has to be hard on you too...
Nana

sad sad situation---for all involved. letting go and letting god is so difficult to do but is the BEST answer. be strong and always be sure to tell your daughter that you love her and that she deserves better.

Dianna My prayers are with you and your daughter. I really beleive your husband will be there when you need him to be also beleive he wants her out and will do what he must for you and for her and the babies safety. I don't understand why a woman puts up with this treatment or why A man who claims to love her and the child or children can do such a thing. I have freinds that go through this but I still don't understand it. If he loved her in my opinion he wouldn't do anything to hurt her.
Jimmy

Nana, thank you for your prayers. I believe the other people have been investigated by DSS before, so I am hoping that if my daughter sees she might lose her daughter, she may make an escape.

BI/ML, I have "preached" that my daughter could do better from the time she met the boyfriend. I wish she would go for some counseling to make her understand why she doesn't think so.

Jimmy, I have been in abusive relationships before. It was very hard to end any of them because of the threats made to harm me. The last time I looked up into the eyes of a man who swore he loved me while he was choking me on the bathroom floor, I decided never again. I quit dating for two years because I always seemed to attract violent men. Counseling was the best thing to happen to me. I finally decided I deserved more and would not settle for less. Now I have Jim.

I have tried to explain to Jim what it is like to go through what I did, but I don't think he "gets it" yet. A lot of men and some women cannot fathom what it takes for an abused woman to finally see the light. I just hope it doesn't reach that point with my daughter. It is a vicious cycle that only escalates to worse violence.

Dianna

all you can do is pray, and you know we are all praying with you...

could do better and deserves better are two different things. she needs to beleive she is worth the effort it will take for her to leave. i didn't mean to offend, if i did i apologize

I agree, Blooming ~

I think it is vital for these women to know that they are loved. From what I understand, the abuse cycle persuades them that they are "unloveable" so that HE becomes the only one who WILL put up with them. These girls need to be told over and over how much they are loved by others until they can begin to grasp it for themselves, and like you said, understand they DESERVE better!

It's heartbreaking, isn't it, to see a beautiful person on the inside and outside, filled with potential yet utterly convinced they don't deserve any better than what HE is giving them!

Merme

You didn't offend me, BI/ML. I have assured her over and over that she deserves better, too! It is such a terrible thing to see her confidence broken like it has been.

Dianna

i hear that dixie! and i'm glad you weren't offended. keep the faith and try not to get too discouraged. being patient is sometimes the hardest thing of all. specially when you have the answers being sought but the person is not ready to hear them.

Dixie,
Are you able to still talk with her???

Yes, Weezie. I have talked to her a couple of times. One day she was mad again over something he did, but yesterday when I talked to her she acted like everything was hunky-dory. I don't think she really knows what she wants in life.

When Jim and I were married in May, my daughter told me that I looked the happiest she had ever seen me and that she wants to look that way, too. I told her that it could happen, but probably never would with the guy that she is with. Until she gets her belly filled up with his actions, I am sure there will be more frowns on her face than smiles.

Dianna

Tell her to get her buttttt on the
forum here, and sign up as
"Dixie Angels' Angel"
and tell her we got some talkin' to do!!!

There's lot's of things we can help with,
that she might not have thought of.

Is the her daughter his kid???

And did she see all that you went thru?
Was she there, or out of the house by then???

I'm so sorry for this situation. It's like you can't see how bad it is until you get out of it. I know what your husband is talking about though. I know a lady who went to her parents house a few times because her husband had been violent. Finally her dad told her that she couldn't come back unless she planned on leaving her husband. That he wasn't going to let her ruin their lives if she wasn't planning on helping herself. That was a long time ago and she hasn't been back. I'm not sure if her husband is still abusive but it hasn't torn her parents life up. It's a hard thing to do I'm sure. She'll be in my prayers.

Weezie, my daughter saw me get the stuffing beaten out of me ONE time. She never saw it again. Usually the abuse I was going through happened when the children were not at home. Both of my kids saw the aftermath in the form of bruises and what-not.

I told her while she was here that she ought to join the forum, but she said that he backtracks her on the computer and would find out whatever or whoever she talks to. She doesn't get on the computer too often now.

Unfortunately, the child is by her boyfriend. There is no way he could deny being the father because my granddaughter looks just like him.

Sheri, I understand my husband's point of view. He worries about me worrying about her. He is afraid I will end up having a stroke with all the stress she puts me through. He really wants my daughter to leave her boyfriend, too, but until she is totally committed to getting out of that relationship, he will not allow her to disrupt our lives with the drama. She has left him twice to come here, but she has went back each time. Each time she came, she said it was over for good. I just worry that when she finally REALLY leaves him, that she will end up with no help from us. She did say that she would go into a shelter if she had to.

Dianna