My mom-in-law is a big gardener and we love to talk garden - but I also get to tease her about her lawn a bit - - my place has far too much rock for a lawn - so it is basically ornamental grasses for my place. Anyway she sent me the following and I thought you would all enjoy it too.
Jon
GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those
plants grow in any type of soil withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS;
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your
flowers "
weeds" and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass
growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each
spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other
plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The
spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the
trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The
trees grow leaves in the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the
autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST, FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and
pay to have them hauled away.
GOD:
No. What do they do to protect the shrub and
tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of
the leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST FRANCIS:
They cut down
trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
"Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about....
GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St Francis.
