Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship.
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry !*#!!$ who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
7. When you are confused - I will use little words.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your at clumsy [BLEEP].
This is my oath.. I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask. Because you are my friend.
A good friend will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel!