This set of forums is an archive of our old CGI-Based forum platform (UBB.Classic) that was never imported to our current forum (UBB.threads); as such, no new postings or registrations are allowed here.

Please instead direct all questions and postings to the our current forum here.
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jul 2004
Carly Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
This chain of poetry in rictameter, is a tale of woe. Each segment is told by way of telephone conversations heard from ‘one end of the wire".

I broke a few rules on writing rictameter here - my last stanza really should have ended with the first line in my first stanza, but it was written in fun and meant to be a laugh . . . hope you'll enjoy it. Take your time reading it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And here"s how it all began, with a poor guy innocently answering his telephone

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hello?
Nope. Wrong number.
There"s no Henry here, Ma"am.
Oh, fer gawd"s sake! I"m not Henry!
Lady . . . Henry - Is - Not - At - This - Number!
Madam ~ ~ I do not KNOW THE MAN!
I"m sure. Hope you find him.
No, he does not.
GOOD BYE!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ This is how it sounds from the other end of the telephone line ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Henry?
That you, Henry?
C"mon ~ I know it"s you.
Well, you sound a lot like Henry.
Oh, I see ~ ~ ~ do you know where he is now?
Oh, that"s too bad – he"s a nice guy.
Why? He owe you money?
You"re sure of that?
But wait . . .

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Well, one would think it would end there – she"s got the wrong number, obviously – but, it doesn"t end there – read on ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It"s me.
You know . . . Henry.
I told ya" – I"m Henry.
Listen ~ ~ ~ did anyone call there?
Oh, good. Did ya" get her name and number?
Well! Really! A good job you"re not.
You"re not that good at it.
I"ll call again.
Later.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ and here"s what went on at the other end of the wire ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Who"s me?
What? Who are you?
Are you some kinda" nut?
Yeah – some dame was looking for you.
What am I??? Some damn answering service?
Oh yeah? And why would you say that?
Oh - thanks for the feedback.
There"s no big rush.
Yeah … much!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Well, something"s got to give here, don"t you think – one would think so,
but it doesn"t – not yet. The frustrated recipient of these maddening
calls from Henry and about Henry, gets pretty stressed out and decides
to let his answering machine pick up the calls – he changes his
outgoing message like so:

Hello:
Sorry I"m out.
At the sound of the tone
please turn around three times, whistle
two verses of Dixie, get dressed and head
south to the lake. Keep walking ‘til
your uckfayin" hat floats.
Don"t call again.
Got it?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ the ensuing message ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh, dear!
Is that you, George?
Your dad and I want you
to come to supper this Sunday.
We talked it over and thought we"d give you
that loan you wanted, but it sounds
like you"re still drinking, so
we"ll have to think
again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Could this get any worse? Yep! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hi Ma!
Now Ma, don"t get . . .
Sorry ‘bout the message.
OK - I changed it – don"t worry!
No – No! I haven"t had a drop in weeks.
I"m trying to avoid someone.
Nothing, nothing, it"s just . . .
No – not gambling.
No, No.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It"s YOU!
Don"t you tell me . . .
That kind of language! Whell!
Are you drinking again? Are you?
Oh – well, what was with that silly message?
Who? Why? What do you have to hide?
Gambling again? Are you …
Women, is it?
Ah, sure . . . .

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Oh, aren"t mothers" fun? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hi there!
It`s me – Gladys.
Did Henry call for me?
Oh, good! Can you tell him that I`m . . .
Oh, no! I can`t! Henry wouldn`t like that.
Henry`s very jealous, you know.
Well, I`ll think about it.
Oh, thanks.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ the other end of that one ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yeah! You . . .
Gladys?! So that`s . . .
Yes ~ I told him you called.
Why don`t you give me your number?
Oh, fer Gawd"s sake, Gladys! Why the hell not?
I`m sure he won`t mind if it`s me.
I`ll let him know you called.
Goodbye.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now there"s an all-told different ball of wax - this Gladys
character – and we thought Henry had some nerve?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I see he"s changed his outgoing message again ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hello.
I`ll be away
visiting my parents
this weekend; please leave a message
at the tone and I`ll get back to you soon.
Henry? Gladys? I have arranged
something nice for you two;
please press number
seven.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hello.
You`ve reached Henry
and Gladys ~ before you
leave a message be sure to write
this number down for future use – ready?
~ ~ ~ ~ 237 – 6308 ~ ~ ~ ~
Henry? Gladys? Do not
thank me – it`s a
pleasure.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh, I guess George is a pretty good guy – after all this frustration, he"s
still willing to help these two lovers out.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hello
Not here, Madam.
Ahhhh . . . who is calling, please?
Well, Henry doesn"t live here, Ma"am.
No, I don"t; where did you get this number?
Holy cow! This guy"s got some nerve.
Well, sorry – can"t help ya".
Say hello, eh?
Yeah, right.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Henry?
How ‘bout Gladys?
It"s Betty - Henry"s wife.
Oh . . . well, do you know where he can . . .
From Henry – he said to call him there if . . .
Oh, he sure does – he"s a real cad!
That"s ok – I"ll find him.
And Gladys – ha!
Goodbye.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Geesh! Anybody else gonna" call poor old George? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yo! George!
What"s shakin" there?
Holy sheet! What"d ya" say?
You didn"t tell her where I am?
I hope ya" didn"t give her our number!
Thanks very much for the voice box!
Glad you erased the link.
Say hi to Gladys.
‘Bye now.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Henry!
Well, your wife called.
Nothin" – what d"ya want me . . .
How the hell would I know where to . . .
Nope ~ ~ I wouldn"t do that to ya", Henry.
Oh, don"t thank me – `twas a pleasure.
To your voice box – yeah, right.
Yeah – I"ll do that.
Goodbye.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Oh, this did get worse, didn"t it? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hello?
Yes? Who is this?
Oh, Gladys – how are you?
Oh ~ sorry to hear that, Gladys.
Well, I"m sure he will – maybe he"s busy.
Oh, whatever makes you think that?
Yes ~ I told Henry that.
Oh, I"m surprised.
Oh, dear.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ as if you couldn"t guess what"s being said on the other end ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hi, George?
It"s me – Gladys.
Well, I"m down in the dumps.
Henry hasn"t called in two days.
Yeah – he"s busy alright. Seeing his ex.
Well, he told me that she called you.
Then Henry called her back.
It"s all your fault!
Boo Hoo!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Oh, boy ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hi George.
It"s me – Betty.
So sorry you"re not there.
Henry and I want to thank you;
due to your passing my message along,
he telephoned me – and guess what?
We are back together again!
Isn"t that just swell, George?
Well, all the best.
Goodbye.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Next Message is to Henry & Gladys on their voice mail ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hi folks.
Henry? I heard.
I hope things work out well.
Gladys? Guess you must want to talk.
Give me a call – you still have my number.
I"m just wondering if I should
cancel this voice mail now.
I"m sure you won"t
need it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So thoughtful of George ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hello.
Hello, Gladys.
Yes, Betty just called here.
I guess it"s for the best, really.
Let"s cheer you up – how about a nice lunch?
Oh, I dunno" – let"s try – my treat.
How about Dickie Dee"s?
Twelve noon – that"s fine.
Good Bye.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hi George.
You hear the news?
My poor heart is broken.
Best for them – but what about me?
Oh, nothing can cheer me up, George . . .Boo Hoo!
Oh, that"s so sweet of you – today?
Oh, that"ll be just great.
Sure – noon OK?
Bye.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ He"s so nice, that George, eh? And what one might call ‘pro-active". Very smart of him to think of getting a date with the lovely Gladys.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hello.
Gladys – it"s you . . .
What is it, dear - trouble?
Why would Henry be mad? Who cares?
That"s none of his business! Who is he to . . .
Listen, Gladys – he has no right . . .
Careful? Of what? Who does . . .
Oh, ho! I"m scared!
Hey! Wait!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hi George.
Yes, it"s me . . . George?
Yeah - Henry"s kinda" mad.
He heard that you and I went out.
He doesn"t want you and I going out . . .
You"d better be careful.
You don"t know him.
Bye, George.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Henry"s mad? Whoa! This guy"s got some nerve. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hey! George!
Just what the hell . . . .
Listen, nothin" – you stay . . .
Oh, you"re gonna" be sorry, George . . .
I"ll tell you what I"m gonna" do, buddy.
You should have minded your own biz!
Just watch your step, ya" hear?
You"re a dead man!
You jerk!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Henry!
Now listen, you . . .
I"ll do whatever I . . .
Oh yeah? What are you gonna" do . . .
Oh, yeah – I"m just shakin in my boots, here.
Ha! You made it my biz, fella!
Yeah? Well, you just kiss my …
Buzz off, Henry!
A-hole!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ There"s gonna" to be a rumble, folks. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

George! George!
You"ve done it now!
He"s after you now, George!
You shoulda" stayed out of this, George.
I think you"d better move off – change your name.
Well, don"t say I didn"t warn you.
How dare you talk to me . . .
Well, I never!!!
You jerk!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Gladys!
I"ve done it? What?!
So what? I"m not worried.
I shoulda" stayed out of it? Ha!
I"m not doing anything of the kind!
Gladys, you go jump in the lake.
How dare I talk? Get lost!
And lemme" tell . . . .
HELLO???!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Have you ever?! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hello.
Eh? Are you sure?
When did it happen? Now?
Whoa! What are you going to do?
Oh, no! Don't! The cops might think it was you!
You didn"t call them? Ya" gotta!
Well, wear some gloves. OK?
Call me after.
HELLO???!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He's dead!
Of course, dammit!
I dunno' - just got here.
Me? I"m outta" here – goin" home.
How the hell they gonna" know I was here?
I"ll call – after I take his dough.
Yeah, ok – I"ll wear ‘em!
I"ll call, I"ll call …
Alright.

So ARE you 'gladys' over?

Joined: May 2005
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: May 2005
Carly - really enjoyed this one even through the "'s wink If you paste from word it does that - try pasting into notepad first, then copy/paste into here. Been the victim of the evil " myself!

Joined: Jul 2004
Carly Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Oh, no - sorry about that. I'll have to fix that.

Joined: Jul 2004
Carly Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Oooooooooooooooooooo! Now it's not there - I was just going to find the file and re-do it, and then I looked and it was ok.

Did somebody feex?

Joined: May 2005
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: May 2005
Hmm I still see it? Twilight zoney...Hmmmm may be it's just ME (paranoia sets in) laugh

Joined: Nov 2004
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Nov 2004
That is so cool, Carly! Made me smile.

Dianna grinnnn

Joined: Jul 2004
Carly Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
That was written in one of my nuttier moods - hee hee! I was working on one of the daily writing projects at Poetry Train (Cafe Poetica) when I wrote that one.

It was around the time that I first started using the rictameter forum - it's such fun to do it. I went bananas with it and for a while there I had a hard time moving off it.

But it's good practice - it's good for honing your skills at cinqain and the like.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5
(Release build 20201027)
Responsive Width:

PHP: 7.3.29 Page Time: 0.016s Queries: 27 (0.008s) Memory: 0.7637 MB (Peak: 0.8294 MB) Data Comp: Zlib Server Time: 2022-08-12 18:10:07 UTC
Valid HTML 5 and Valid CSS