A Gardeners Forum Forums Members History Forum Life 2004 JOKES............

Anyone want a shot???? LOL

Huh????

G-Mom

Well Damn, what's it say about me when I like to drink Blender Drinks, Mixed Drinks, Wine, Zinfansomething, Wine Coolers, & Shots (NO TEKILLYA!) ??
Meg

I'd say it means...You're unpredictable but well rounded!

G-Mom

Hey Bill, want a shot of Hornitos??
We're doin' shots!!!

OLDER???

Guess that would be ME!

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the removalists come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music,
and feasted on a kilo of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the
curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rats, and carpets were steam-cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit...Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit... Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local Agents refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and she would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But
only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they
watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...
....including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU????

I did something worse than that once!

You know that REAL itchy insulation you put in the walls?

Rubbed it on the inside of someone's UNDERWEAR (every pair) before I left!



Cindy

Shame on you Cindy I bet it worked better than itching powder!

G-Mom

Heeheeheehee !

G-Mom

Um, Cindy, not that you need any encouragement but I just sent you an e-mail titled "Bad breakups" and they are pretty bad!!!!

ROFLMAO!
Those are good! I like the one with the boat! (Been there, done that!)

I gotta send those to loz and G-Mom!

Cindy

jogger...check your email!
You got it, too!

hehehehe

Sorry...another blonde joke.
They keep sendin' 'em to me...
...even gone so far as to accuse me of being a natural blonde, but dyed my hair brown just to LOOK smart!

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray...."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins. She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself.... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket.


Cindy

ROFL! Oh my, that's good.

Having reached the age of 65, I went to apply for Social Security last week. After waiting in line for a very long time, I finally got to the counter. The woman there asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized, to my great dismay, that I had left my wallet on the nightstand in my bedroom. I told the lady that I was very sorry, but I seemed to have left my wallet at home. "I'll have to go get it and come back later," I said. At that point, she said to me, "Unbutton your shirt." I was confused, but I opened my shirt, revealing lots of curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and, with that, she promptly processed my application.
When I got home, I couldn't wait to tell my wife about my experience at the
Social Security Office. She listened to the whole story and then said, "You should have dropped your pants ... you might have gotten disability, too.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful -- you guessed it -- blonde.
The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

from a forward e-mail.

Blonde House Painter


This blonde decides one day that she is
sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are
perceived as stupid, so she decides
to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work,
she decides that she is going to paint
a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves
for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells
the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into
the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket
and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over
and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He
asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted
to prove to him that not all blonde women are
dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the
house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading
the directions on the paint can and they said....

(Scroll down)... I love this one ...


FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS .

G-Mom

I always put on 2 coats when I paint.....