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#104453 Aug 6th, 2007 at 01:46 PM
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So I have this uncle who is a crazy drugged psycho. A while back he was living with his brother and SIL and one day disappeared. This was not unusual behavior for him. Anyway, after he left it came out that he had molested his 2 nieces, my cousins. They had him arrested and the whole nine yards, he got out on bail and moved to minnesota. Instead of pursuing him they let it go because the counselor's thought that a full trial would be too much on a 9 year old girl to recount all he had done to her. They had a continuous restraining order and he never moved back from minnesota, but the girls were always afraid. Then came the news that they would be transferring to virginia. This made them all feel good that they were moving so far away and only let a handful of people know where they were moving to. They did not want my uncle David to be able to find out where they were and they've been living peacefully ever since. Today I got a phone call from my Grandpa. There was a message on his machine today from David that simply stated "I found him and now I'm going to get him." My grandpa was unnerved with this message and not being in contact with my uncle Doug or his family he called me to see if I was still in contact with them. He wanted to get the message to them just in case David was referring "him" as my uncle Doug. My uncle Doug is in Iraq right now and I doubt that David knows that or that he has any plans to go to Iraq, but he may have found out where they were living and may have decided to take a trip to Virginia. No one knows for sure what he was talking about on the mysterious message, but my grandpa has finally come to the conclusion that his son is crazy and wouldn't put anything past him so he called me to let his other son know about possible impending drama, possibly danger. Now, I hate being the one in the middle of my family's drama. I've stayed in contact with both sides mainly so I didn't have to take sides and could still have a relationship with all of my family. l have respected my aunts wishes and have not told anyone else in my family where they were living, but because I'm the one on both sides, now I'm the one who is thrown into the middle of what I don't know what to think of. Should I let this pass and hope that he was talking of something else and that this was just some drunk or drugged delusional message or should I take it seriously and be the bearer of bad news only to make my aunt and cousins constantly on edge and thinking about moving again? If I say something and nothing ever happens I'll feel bad for making them worry but at the same time if I don't say anything and something does happen I'll feed bad for not speaking up. I'm stuck in a catch 22. What would you do?


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chermoni #104457 Aug 6th, 2007 at 01:54 PM
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Cheryl: I feel so sorry for you. having said that---her is what I would do if it were me. I feel that I would have no choice other than to let the SIL know.
forwarned is forarmed. perhpas he just wanterd to get a rise out of his Dad but you can never know. perhpas all the SIL will feel the need to do is keep an extra watch out on the girls or perhpas a patrol car can drive by once in awhile. And to perserve your neutrality--there is no need to let any of the other family know you made the call--because who would ask?? & if they do--just say you have no spoke to them in quite awhile.

but anyway i do not envy you this decision--my prayers go out to you.


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chermoni #104463 Aug 6th, 2007 at 02:37 PM
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Cheryl,
I usually don't give advice but since you asked I will say as a child I was molested- and it was hidden and I was made to forget it too- did so well I let my molester around my oldest daughter and it repeated--- if it's not stopped it goes on- and on and on--- tell your cousins Mom and hopefully she will get another restraining order for him where they live now- and be on her guard... forwarned is forarmed... I realize it's not fun to be in the middle and I was for years- no one believed me till yrs later and then it was to late for a lot of kids in our extended family-- this happens in a lot of families and keeping it in family just doesn't work--- sorry you have to go thru this I feel for you and will prayer it all comes out okay for all of you-
Nana


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JunieGirl #104467 Aug 6th, 2007 at 02:47 PM
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AND, to add to what carol jean said, check into the statute of limitations. it may not be too late to prosecute, if the counselors think the girls are up to it. there is a special place in helll, although, i know i should pray there is a cure instead, for child molesters. further, at a minimum, your aunt needs to check into a order of protection/restraining order. that gives the police grounds to go on (detaining him, etc) if he does "show up".

living in fear is awful, not knowing the fear should be there is worse.

and, if they aren't in base housing, and don't own their own home, they should look into emergency relocation to base housing. the security is usually very good if you live "on post"

#104679 Aug 7th, 2007 at 05:40 AM
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I would call and tell her. She may also think its a drugged dillusion or real. She should inform the MP's (I assume if Uncle Doug in in Iraq he's military) in case he has made a real threat to them. And the message if not erased should be saved even though he didnt say who he is going to 'get'.


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Wrennie #104721 Aug 7th, 2007 at 07:58 AM
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I agree with everybody Cheryl. If myself or my family could possibly be in danger I would want to know. I would hate for you to keep it from her and then have something happen.

Wrennie #104740 Aug 7th, 2007 at 08:55 AM
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o cheryl my heart realy truely gose out to those girls,
i to was molested, beat, n mentally abused as a child, up till i was 11 yrs old.i know whats its like to live in fear of a mad man. its not somthing i outright tell people, but i will not deny it either, cause i feel denyin it just makes it harder for future kids to come out.
i hope you do warn her, she has the right to know if her kids are in danger,
n i hope she puts his a$$ in jail, kids are alot stronger than ya think.
my fathers fam was like nanas, hush hush dont tell anyone, keep it in the fam, they knew it was true cause he molested half their kids too, going up against him n his fam was pure he!!, but we made it, n if anything i fell im a stronger person for it, his fam however lives with regret n shame, and still to this day fear of him. i lost that fear, starting from the day he went to jail, took time but its gone, i cant even descibe what its like to have that fog of fear lifted away,
will keep the girls in my prayers.


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sibyl #104964 Aug 7th, 2007 at 01:10 PM
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I did try to call my aunt yesterday, she didn't answer so I left her a message to call me back. I'm going to tell her that I'm just passing on the message and that I don't want any further discussion about it because I don't want to get into the middle of this any more than I already am. Thank you all for your advice, my b/f had even said the same thing. Chances are he's either bluffing or talking about something else completely, but why take that chance right?


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chermoni #104965 Aug 7th, 2007 at 01:16 PM
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exactly, why take the chance.


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Wrennie #104966 Aug 7th, 2007 at 01:18 PM
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I agree Cheryl...I wouldn't want to take the chance.


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