A Gardeners Forum Forums General Discussion The Banter Hall Coffe House 2452

Thanks Sunny--yes it is something else.

MY husband wants his supper, BUT will gladly leave plenty of room for dessert...if I have a dessert in the house it wakes him up in the middle of the night, calling him to eat another serving..

Then this morning, Rod was mad b/c I did not pack his lunch last night (that is how we do it)..so I am on the couch & I hear him, & say, "Rod, aren't they bringing in lunch at work today" ? he says, "yes, I forgot" in a mad voice....so a few moments later he thanks me for taking care of his mom--so I guess that was for bad mouthing ,me in his mind for not packing his lunch, b/c it is not in him to actually think that I did something nice for him, (read he did not have to get up, get dressed & go there) what I do for his mom is usually just expected.

I am finally "waking up" after being up for 2 hours. I should get to my chores for the day. At least supper is in the crock pot...it is pork chops.

I thought I had been in to say good morning. I guess I wasn't.
Carol, I mentioned John's Aunt Glenna before. She wasn't completely around the bend, mentally. She had what they called sundowners. Mostly because it was in the evenings when her mental abilities tended to fail her. And she heard 'voices' of friends and family telling her fictional 'current events' in the family and became distressed.
Before she went into the home, she was hearing her neighbors blasting music that no one else could hear, including the police that she called. And then the same neighbors were bugging her house and put cameras in her bathroom so she was afraid to shower at home. And eventually she began calling the police and saying such that her nephew (John) was on his way with a gun to shoot the neighbors. It was time to do something about it all.
John became her conservator and we found a home for her. She was not at all happy about it and then the voices were telling her that John burned her home down and other such stuff. When we were there, she was quite happy to see us and go on outings, shopping or to lunch or something. But when other family members visited we were horrid and abusive and after her for her money, etc. It is a painful situation.
It sounds like your MIL is going through something similar. I am sorry. It is not easy at all. We were so grateful that the home was so familiar with sundowners and did not call in the night with her unfounded concerns. And did not listen when she complained about our treatment of her.
Sorry, long story.

Sun downing is very common and almost exclusive to dementia, even light dementia. Almost halfway through my shift at the plastic store. Gotta work at the home tonight too.

Hi Cheryl. I could wish for a better, single job for you so you could have more down time for yourself.

Yes Cheryl--i WISH ONE OR THE OTHER OF YOUR JOBS PAID WELL ENOUGH SO THAT YOU COULD CUT DOWN TO 1 JOB AS WELL. i DO APPLAUD YOU FOR HANING THE GUMPTION TO GET THOSE 2 JOBS IF THAT IS WHAT WAS NEEDED. That says a lot about you.

*note: I hate caps lock, and I am sorry it happened, but I am not retyping all of that

Tina: I do so thank you for the story. It does help. My MIL does that too where she complains about us to other people.(esp. to my cousin who works at this home) but to be fair while she did not do that often, she did do that a small bit before. The nurse tried to tell "marie" that I had been there yesterday & she refused to believe her. The moment I walked in she looked at me & said oh why did they call you, you did not have to come...So at least she knew who I was. They called me because they were hoping I could make her go to the bathroom before she made a mess of herself from refusing to go to the bathroom...She kept telling me she could get undressed and go to the bathroom by herself...Well no, not since her stroke.

I hope she can settle in and be happy, Carol. So you can be happy. And Rod is very lucky to have you there for her and him.

Well, today, Rod's brother called his mom & told her she was not going back to her apartment. So, tonight she was way upset again. saying the same stuff...OH My

I am now washing towels & underware & then perhaps I will do some paperwork in preparation for tomorrow.

That sucks, Carol. What paperwork do you need for tomorrow?
Sweet dreams everyone. I am trying to get into school mode again for next week.

I have to go to the bank--and also get my oldest's DD anniversary card ready to send to them.

I am going to sleep soon myself..
G'nite

It's a sad situation to see our family go through dementia...it broke my heart to see my FIL suffer so. Sad part is that I think my mother will be the same...I can see changes in her already.

Junie, I think your MIL's family needs to be more hands on...it shouldn't be expected for you to go through all of this.

Cheryl, how are you liking the new job? I agree with Tina, I hope you can find one job to suit all needs.

Good morning. I agree, you need help, Carol. Or you are going to burn out quickly.
Went out out first thing this morning and took care of a couple of outdoor things before the heat really rolls in. I will make a few phone calls this morning when things open and see where my day might fall.

Thanks ladies.
There is only Rod & I to "do" for his mom--and when I say we I mean me really. My girls would but, they are not close. And are both dealing with very young children, and have teaching jobs, if they were.
Rod's brother lives 9 to 11 hours away & is far too busy being semi-retired, and then also going from his son who is 2 hrs away or his daughter who is in Washington State when he is free. As we speak, that whole family is in Oregon on the beach having a grand time. Lee rented a convertible for them to use...sounds grand. 2 phone calls & they are all done. (they were to OK us doing what we need to do for her and to say they will not be coming home to help uwith her "move")
Lee says he will come by "sometime this fall" during the week, as he has taken another interum job at a church. (yea, he & his son are ministers) he does call his mom often, and apparently that is all we will get.
His son is coming by in 2 weeks on their way home from this family vacation. Not to help, or get something, but he will visit a few hours with grandma. I am the hotel..for 5 of them.
They are good people, I am just stressed.

off to begin THIS day.

and then there is MY mom to deal with who just had what might be a cancer removed, and Rod who had a check-up not go well.
I want "calgon" to take me away.

Oh Carol ,

I would send you a case of calgon if I could... I have been there... it is a lot of stress to take care of our older relatives... did it with my Mom for a long time... and now hubby's family is dealing with his Mom - the brother that took her in wants everyone to contribute to her care and his younger brothers but I asked for the bills for her house and they refused to let me see them... I know for a fact they have every cable station on the cable there.. for his brother that watches westerns all day that are on dvd's and vcr tapes... I am not paying them to have that ... his Mom was so deaf that even when she was home she didn't watch tv... I don't even have that for us... told them I would pay a bill directly but they don't want to give me access to the bills... okay rant over....

Well I am going to get ready for boys to be here and Joe is going to go to the DMV and pay for Carrie's vehicle.. she waited till last possible day... she is working days this week and next cause her manager is on vacation- wish she could do it all the time... and Fri I will have to go to her house to await another pkg... last one came about 10 min after I left and Jon was home.... LOL!

Well off to get something done....

Nana

Everyone is so busy with families. Jonni just took off for a long weekend in Vegas. So Ted and I are alone. Today my oldest daughter turned 42. I am one old lady.

Not so old Tina my oldest turns 47 in Sept... ! don't know how she can be so old when I'm not....LOL!

We finally have a day (so far) without it raining... boys are outside playing--- which is really nice, it's still a lot chillier than normal but nice... our poor sump pump is getting a workout- runs for a few min every hour or so... and I read this morning that it snowed on Mt Evans last night--- our highest mountain... !

Got laundry going and did the upstairs today.. the humidity must be lower cause I didn't wake up feeling like I needed a walker to get around... makes me ache so much..

Well laundry is calling (buzzing ) so better get it out and another load going ... and maybe run the vacuum around some... tomorrow is payday so will be paying bills before I head to Carrie's...

Nana

My oldest daughter was 34 in April..Now while that might make me sound younger than you all, remember that I was just shy of 28 when I had her. But yes, there are days I feel old too.

My MIl remembered all that happened last night and the night before--so it is not sundowners. She even told me it all. She says that her son did not tell her that she was staying here when he called...Since she knew everything else that happend yesterday & last night she is probably right---he likely danced around it all. So I told her....Now we shall see if she remembers all of this.

You need to keep records of your mileage and time spent, Carol. And for the things you do like laundry and shopping and such. You may never get compensated but whenever someone comes down on you for not doing enough you will have that in hand. Or copies thereof.... I learned that lesson.

Thank you, Tina---That is very good advice. I will start with The trip to talk about Marie's progress last week. I have most of it in my date book so it should be easy---

Also add in there when your home is used as a hotel for in-law visitors.

I just turned 34 in January!

Very good to see you, young man!

Wow !! well then, That is wonderful, congratulations !!

Happy Belated Birthday !!!!

((Good to see you))

................Update on the MIL saga.....................

I called the Home tonight at 9 pm.

Tonight when Jesse (MIL's room mate) asked to go to bed, My MIL did too. The nurse said she was night & day difference in her behavior tonight. I guess I should have just told her the whole story in the beginning...Someone needed to.

That is wonderful, Carol. I hope it continues. I hope she finds peace in her surroundings.

I am happy for you too, and her... I know my Mom knew she wasn't right but didn't quite know why,,, dementia is a horrible thing or everyone.... I hope she finds peace too.. my candles are lit for you all.

Happy Birthday Bill... hope it was a good one...!

Well should have been in bed a long time ago... so heading there now... nite all!

Nana

Thank you both so much. It means a lot.

My MIL has always done just what she should & when.
I was hopeful that if I could get her to understand what was going on, she would calm down & accept this all. Apparently she has---I am as happy for me as I am for her.

Thanks so much again.

I too am heading to bed now, after I open a new CH--sweet dreams to you all